Feel betrayed by T

"What can make this kind of thing so hurtful is the belief that the T, ever aware and mindful of the emotional scar that the exact same act had caused you, has nevertheless made a conscious choice to force you relive it (be it out of self-interest or malice)"

Sometimes T's do make a conscious choice to force us to relive something extremely painful but it doesn't always mean it's due to self-interest or malice. Sometimes it's out of genuine concern for our well being. If we're potentially setting ourselves up for disaster or heartbreak but we want something so desperately that we are unable to see the dangers realistically, the kindest intervention, regardless of how painful it may be, is to insist that we take a closer look at it. I see neither self-interest not malice in Calista's T's message. I see concern for Calista and for her grandchild. I understand that it feels very hurtful because it feels as though her T is treating her the same way, but the operative word here is "feels." Feelings are not necessarily facts, so even though it feels the same as it did in the past, I don't see that her T is acting out of malice or self-interest or ignorance at all. I see him acting out of genuine concern, because IF something were to happen to the baby then Calista would be forced to experience a much deeper, more profound pain than what she is feeling right now. And she would likely relive it for the rest of her life.

I saw T today and was more quiet than usual. He knew why. He immediatly appologised for the wording of his e mail and the hurt it caused. I really couldn't connect at all with him today and didn't try. I just wanted to get out of there. I was so numb , I didn't feel anything eventhough right before I left to see him, my internet, tv and phone were shut off for non payment. I felt dead inside and I'm thinking at times like this, with so much happening, numb is a good thing.
Anyway T acknowledged that he knew where my hurt came from and how it must have made me feel. He assured me that he didn't feel I wasn't "safe" to watch the baby. He asked "How can I best help you?" I appreciated the sentiment, but there was nothing he could do. It was a very quiet, long session.
Thanks everyone for the responces.

Tonight T e mails me and tells me he thinks watching my new grandchild is too dangerous to the baby given how hard a time I've had sleeping. I could get psychotic.....
.

With the added stresses of not having gas money to get to T and not being able to pay property tax (possible tax lein) I just exist from minute to minute. I'm not sleeping well at night. I can only sleep during the day which messes everything up in my body. I don't feel like I have anyone. I can't even get the energy to feel sad. I will not confide in T any more. I can't trust what his reactions will be.

I can see how this would hurt you. But it doesn't look like betrayal. T is NOT siding with your brother. He just happens to to have the same opinion.

Painful to hear, painful to say, but is it possible he might be right?