Inner critic?

I have learned so much for the thread about the inner child and note that the inner critic was mentioned and wondered if it would be useful to start a thread to expore that aspect of ourselves?

I've leanrt its how I internalized my critical mother. The superego over developed to counteract the death of the I'd or something like that. Now I still have that part but I also am developing a more caring internal part - the internalization of T's caring spoken and unspoken. Its more the unspoken that creates the critic.

I have long had this sense of what I term the "goader" - it is an internal voice that tells me to do this or that and generally criticises me - so I guess this is the inner critic? I am not totally sure where it comes from, my father was pretty horrid to me as a child, so maybe that is where it comes from. I remember when I first started T, I had this sense of a protective bit, the vulnerable me and then this nasty side that said negative things to me - I even drew a picture explaining where they stood in relation to T - that was 12+ months ago and I haven't brought them up since. So I am wondering which bit is me now - or are all of them me?

Oh my goodness, I definately have an inner critic that sometimes completely takes over - darn her. My T frequently talks about this part of me and it's something I'm trying to work out too. We wonder - a lot - where this part of me comes from, maybe also my father. He was very distant, I was aware he didn't want children and he has a criticism about most people. My mother compensated by being protective and we had a fairly isolated childhood. Maybe because we didn't get to spread our wings I now believe I can't do anything without someone inside telling me I can't for some reason or another. I am one of those people who won't put her hand up in class in case I get it wrong and look silly. Got to work on that.

I know this is a bit rambly but just thinking 'outloud' really. Might start my session tomorrow with this topic.

Nell

Soup! What a great idea! I think a thread about our inner critic would be very helpful!!!!

I have sometimes identified this place within me as my inner critic from h&ll. I'm sure that it is a product of childhood abuse, in that I believed that I could somehow stop it if I could just figure out what to do or not to do differently. This was not an overt dynamic in the abuse that I experienced but I think it was some magical or fantastical thinking on my part that there must be something I could do to stop it. At the same time, I grew up with parents who very much taught me that I had the brains to do anything I wanted, supported me in school, and gave me the love I needed. It has only been fairly recently that I've been aware enough of this critic that I could disengage from beating myself up when I realized I was doing it. And I must say that life is better with a little dose of self acceptance.

I do think this this internal critic has served a worthwhile purpose, she helped me to achieve in school and in the career I wanted, and has helped me stay on track professionally and treat my clients with the respect that they deserve. I'd like to be able to find a way for her to be more useful when I write, right now she's pretty much just a sh&t stirrer.

Anne

We learn and internalize "how" to do things from our parents by directly interacting with them but also by "watching" them and other adults in our lives (teachers, friends' parents, etc.). But everyone has a good/"bad" way of interacting with self and others based on what is observed and experienced in the past. The trick is to learn to stop and be thoughtful and creative and come up with multiple ways that one could do something, a kind of good, better, best way of thinking so we don't just listen to, "No! That's not the way to do it" or whatever your critic's knee-jerk words might be.

At first I had to engage with the critic to get the volume and magnitude of the negative lowered; usually critics are simple in what they say, things like, "You're stupid" and don't have much in the way of references or good argument. All it takes is one actual remembering of when you weren't stupid or an argument where you ask the critic to be more specific and it falls apart. Once I did that several times, the critic started to get wary :-) and when that happens, you look at what is being criticized and often can figure out "why", what the critic has to gain (usually I'm scared to try something new or otherwise afraid of making a mistake) and just reconnecting with my true self and what I want and need can get through that.

My critic doesn't help me at all - she is always trying to trip me up and laugh at me - in fact at times it feels like she wants to destroy me - I wonder if there is a way of taming her a little?

I think my own inner critic is a combination of things. It's internalized criticism from various other people when I felt vulnerable already; it's the voice of my own self-directed frustration when I honestly don't live up to my own expectations; part of it is an inner voice prompting me to try harder, but distorted by the other two things. A lot of it probably is learned. Growing up, I met many serious, driven people who were hard on themselves in various ways and expected life would demand it - maybe that was their own early life experience.

Good idea for a thread.

I have internalised my critical father, for whom nothing I or my Mum did was right... and a gang of bullying girls who ridiculed every aspect of my appearance daily over 10 years.
Confronting it is a heck of a lot of work.

My internal critic tags along to my therapy sessions and says, "you're not doing this correctly." And then when I pay the bill, my internal critic-- who served with the SS during the second World War --explains that there is an inflationary fiscal crisis going on, and I am wasting money on, of all things, talking.

My internal critic would like me to stop therapy. Now. Because of money, because my therapist is not handsome enough (or too handsome), because my therapist's office is too far away or the cushions on the couch are too firm or not firm enough. You get the picture. But guess what? If I stopped therapy, my internal critic would castigate me for failing at ...therapy!

I fight this internal critic every step of every day. If I manage to still that critic, I'll find the voice....embodied all around me. You're wearing that?

A few approaches have helped. The War of Art by Steven Pressler, made a difference. Pressler calls this inner critic Resistance. Also, the books of Julia Cameron made a huge difference for me. She writes about creativity...and as creative people know, critics are everywhere...including inside. Cameron asks readers to define and dialogue with their inner critic. These writers have changed my whole outlook on life.

Thanks for this thread.

Thanks for suggesting Pressfield's book, mcl6136; I got a lot of help from Julia Cameron, hadn't heard of War of Art.

oh boy is my inner critic working overtime today... I over slept the alarm this morning, so from the get go my inner critic was berating and downgrading myself and my actions. I get to work barely with time to stop at the coffee table, my phone ringing off the desk, spill my coffee all over an intake form and file for a new client so of course that internal critic starts up again.. I was very happy to see my lunch break so I could take some me time and get my thoughts under control. I had a much better afternoon and am now waiting in the ER to see my new client who disclosed abuse to a teacher and the police said they would transport her in from the high school and wanted me to meet her as they bring her in. I certainly hope the creep of a father has his internal critic working over time today.

I can relate to this way more than an inner child. My tdoc says I'm the most self critical patient she's ever had.

Anyone else get caught off-guard with their inner critic when they wake up in the middle of the night? Lately I just have to recite the serenity prayer (or at least the first part) trying to drown out this voice. I never used to have this. Drives me nuts.

My internal critic kicks my a## in the two or three days after therapy.

I would like to know why.

I need to give this some consideration. I think it's a huge obstacle to doing therapy.

My inner critic never lets me alone. I think she comes from my need to be perfect. Nothing I ever do is good enough and anything that goes wrong is always my fault. At the end of yesterday's session T declared she wanted me to do some work in the coming weeks with my inner critic. Particularly using the Empty Chair technique. I was very nonchalant about it, "Sure, whatever." Now I am freaking out.