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#1
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He left on a whim, after I told him I feared him. Took it personally, threw up his hands and said he was tired of it.
What did I do wrong? I'm so sorry I was ever afraid to begin with. Now I try to act like I'm not afraid around him. I want him to accept me. But the truth is, is that I'm more afraid of him then ever before. I still have to be around him. And it kills me. How could he just give up on me? I told him, because I wanted him to know. I wanted him to know I was scared of him. And he walked away. I'm so afraid he'll get close to me again. And it will happen all over. I am even more afraid that we'll never be close again. And there will forever be a elephant in the middle of the room. I want to ask him some days. I want to ask him. "What happened between us". Because one minute he was there and the next he was gone. And I'm not ready to replace him with a new therapist. I don't feel her the way I felt him. She's distant and cold. She's not him. I canceled my session today because I had to go to the ER to find out I had an ovarian cyst. Not that that matters, because now I have to call her back for another appointment and I don't want to. She's not Andy. She's not him. And our relationship isn't the same. I hate wanting something so bad, and knowing it's not good for me. Sometimes I get so lonely now. I'm so afraid to talk to people. But I wasn't afraid to talk to him. I just got scared. I was paranoid. I shouldn't have told him. I should have kept my mouth shut. I'm so lonely. ![]() |
#2
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LydiaB:
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__________________
Happiness cannot be found through great effort and willpower, but is already present, in open relaxation and letting go. Don't strain yourself, there is nothing to do or undo. Whatever momentarily arises in the body-mind Has no real importance at all, has little reality whatsoever. Don't believe in the reality of good and bad experiences; they are today's ephemeral weather, like rainbows in the sky. ~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~ ![]() |
#3
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So so sorry, Lydia.
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#4
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You didn't do anything wrong. You were honest as you should be. I am sorry he responded as he did.
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#5
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No words Lydia, just hugs.
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#6
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Bastard!
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