Something at work happened recently. I felt as who I am today was taken hostage by a very young angry imposter.

Today I didn't even want to go therapy. Climbed in bed even, hoping I'd fall asleep and miss it. But I went,so thankful I did. When I spit it out, the thing that had happened and how I felt now, T gave what I'd said back to me in a way that compared to my earlier expereices growing up. I then remembered something and fit the pieces togehter. As we did this together (this is working through as another poster enquired) the power I'd given this other person began to dissolve, I began to feeel myself again. I relaised that before therapy I lived in a constant state of being triggered, and what was different this time was I had a new way of being that I was desperate to get back too, I didn't like how I become when triggered, didn't want to have to live like that now I've tasted better.

T said did the not wanting to come be because it was to painful to talk about? Partly that, partly because no one could help me back when I was younger.

Before I left she asked how I felt now? I said the person concerned has become right sized again in my mind and I can continue to live the life I have gained now.

So pleased that triggers are much more uncommon for me now, it helped me appricate just how much therapy has changed me and my life now.

[Perna]

Hang on to this wonderful experience! What I loved about good therapy and life experiences as I was getting better is that they start building up and can be remembered the next time you have a problem and eventually you have more good experiences than remembered bad ones that still bother you.

Yes, yes, yes. My version of this is that I am so much more present in my life, and that's directly traceable to therapy. Being present is what helps me to keep from being triggered. Being dissociated from my life and the people in it also helped to avoid triggers too, but living like that is . . . unsatisfying. I prefer to be engaged in my life and with the people around me.

The other thing I notice as one of these big changes is that being triggered (because it still happens) leads to more an empowered response (I can do this as in get myself out of it, I've done it before a gazillion times) rather than a helpless, buried-inside-bad-feelings response.

Anne

[mcl6136]

Yes, me too. My version of this is that I feel as though I have more choices and more flexibility in how to respond - or NOT.

I'm not always able to catch myself, but often enough so that it's a gratifying way to chart my change.

I wish I had done this stuff (mindfulness and to a certain extent therapy, though some of my recent adventures set me back) TEN OR TWENTY years ago. Sigh.

but still, it's good to see myself getting triggered less often, and less radically when it happens. Sometimes, I can watch it all go by....

[Sannah]

Great work!!!!!!!!