[funyen]

I've been in therapy for almost 4 years. I've been seeing my current therapist since March 2010. I trust her with everything and we work very well together. But here's the problem - I never say what is really bothering me until the end of session.

Example: I saw her earlier today. I told her my mood has been up and down. The weekend was horrible but the past few days have been okay. We started talking about friends and loneliness, which I don't like to talk about so I shut down. We argued for probably 20 minutes about why I cut myself, distractions that I try and do not try when I have urges, why I should give it up, etc. I would write about the argument, but there was so much said that it would need to be a whole other post. Anyway...she said to me "We talk about cutting and suicide instead of real issues. So just tell me what's going on." I started crying and said that I keep thinking of my grandma (who died on 10/18) but that I want to keep denying that it happened. She said "Do you see what you just did? There's 5 minutes left in session and you're just now telling me what's bothering you. You started crying, then made yourself stop and you shut down. This is what you do. Tell me how you feel about your grandmother." So I did. I couldn't stop crying. I told her as much as I could. Then we were fine. When I left, she told me I did a good job.

Does anyone else have issues with not talking about important things until the end of session? My therapist told me to make a list of things that happen every day until our session next week. That way, as soon as I come in, we'll start talking about them. I've made lists before, but we don't always get through them. What has anyone else tried? How have you pushed yourself to talk about the important/real issues? I don't want to continue feeling like I am wasting her and my time.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by funyen

I started crying and said that I keep thinking of my grandma (who died on 10/18) but that I want to keep denying that it happened. She said "Do you see what you just did? There's 5 minutes left in session and you're just now telling me what's bothering you. You started crying, then made yourself stop and you shut down. This is what you do. Tell me how you feel about your grandmother." So I did. I couldn't stop crying. I told her as much as I could. Then we were fine. When I left, she told me I did a good job.

Does anyone else have issues with not talking about important things until the end of session? My therapist told me to make a list of things that happen every day until our session next week. That way, as soon as I come in, we'll start talking about them. I've made lists before, but we don't always get through them. What has anyone else tried? How have you pushed yourself to talk about the important/real issues? I don't want to continue feeling like I am wasting her and my time.

Time spent crying is never wasted.

I use lists. They take severel sessions to work through. Then I improvise for a bit, get frustrated and write another list.

[elliemay]

In all honesty, your therapist should be used to this by now. It appears to be a well known feature of therapy called "doorknob therapy" I think - when the client brings up important things right at the end of the session.

All I can say is that at least you bring it up.

If your therapist thinks a list will help, then I would definitely try that suggestion.

Another thing that helped me was a collage of pictures to accompany the list. I didn't do this until relatively late in my recovery, but boy I wish I had done it sooner. As they say, a picture is worth 1000 words.

Try doing a google image search using the emotion, or perhaps blend of emotions that you feel at any given time.

[sittingatwatersedge]

I use a list too - although now that I read posts from people here who say list-free sessions are their best, I am starting to rethink that. But for dodging important things till end of session, a list could work well for you.

Also... you may want to think about longer sessions, maybe 90 min, even alternating ones, if yr T is agreeable. Nobody ever said a therapy session HAD TO BE one hour (or 50 minutes, or 45)... It just takes some people longer than others to wade out into deeper water.

[harvest moon]

The same thing happens to me every time in therapy. I may feel really depressed five minutes before therapy, but as soon as I enter the room I put on a smile and block myself from really discussing about what's bothering. of course sometimes I don't even know what it is that is bothering me and it's only when the 45 minutes are nearly over that I realize what I really wanted to talk about etc. I decided to try writing a list from now on, maybe it's a good idea for starters. Also, I asked my T how who he feel if we extended the 45 minutes, but he was negative. That really bothered me. Of course he said that I am free to ask to a second session during the week and that he will definitely find time, but I don't think that 2 45minute sessions is the same with one let's say 1hour and a half, or ever 1 hour session! I too need a long time to warm up, and I don't know how this could change. He told me that the 45 minutes limit is there for a reason and that it's ok to take 5 minutes more, but that and hour and a half is too long and it wouldn't work. I felt miserable, I interpreted his words as "i will be way too bored having to listen to you for so long", and since it's always been so hard for me to ask for things (it's the first time I really ask for something for my T), I felt embarrassed. Don't know what to say to him next time...

[rainbow8]

I used to wait until the end of the session to say what was most important too. I think it's a common thing to do. How did I stop doing that? I disagree with your T, harvest moon, because 90 minute sessions have been wonderful for me. I don't feel pressured and there's plenty of time to get to everything, though I still hate to leave!

funyen, I'm not sure about lists. I used to make them and start at the bottom, leaving out the one issue I needed to talk about but couldn't! I think what helped most was knowing how bad I'd feel when I left if something didn't get talked about. I know myself by now, but it took a long time. Or, you could write it down and give the note to your t, or email it ahead of time so she could remind you of what you want to talk about.

I'm sorry about your grandmother. You DID cry and talk about her, even though it was at the end of your session. If you want to talk more about her, can you write it down and tell your T right away you want to continue where you left off? You can get yourself in the mind set that you NEED to talk about whatever it is, though. You CAN change the way you've been doing it.

[funyen]

Thanks everyone.

I guess lists are the way to go. I'm also using diary cards again, which my therapist also suggested. She and I have used them before. I can't say they really work for me, but since I don't always say what I need to in session, I think they help her see where my mood has been.

I feel like I waste a lot of her and my time when I don't talk. But it's not that easy to sit down across from someone and spill everything, no matter how much you trust them. Just knowing that I waste time every week makes me not want to go back. Plus, I have a huge crush on her, which she knows about, and that makes it 100x harder to sit there. But anyway...I'll try to keep a list going until next week. Hopefully it works this time.

[wintergirl]

I make lists, but once I actually sit down with my T I often chicken out and edit my list so I leave out things that will make me feel awkward and uncomfortable. T sees that I do this sometimes and will call me on it, but I usually still don't talk about it. I need to be more brave!

[harvest moon]

ya I made a list once and had 20 things I wanted to talk about in importance and priority order and I ended up talking about no18,19 and 20 only!
I hate 45 minute sessions! Always pressured and tensed!