[BrokenNBeautiful]

I am still at a point where I am feeling extremely vulnerable, angry, and sad.

My doctor referred me to a new agency where home nurses do counseling.

I had my first interview with her today and my feeler got messed up again and I felt myself shutting down again.

I HATE (usually don't use this word, but now I give myself permission to use it as long as I don't hate people) it when I feel like a number.

I understood about the beaurocratic process of admitting me to a program and all the questions and consent forms, etc.

But I felt intimidated and degraded again.

This was why I have been avoiding the psychiatric field for the past 2 years and the therapeutic system as well, save holistic and more radical forms of therapy.

I hate this demeaned, diminished feeling; I have to fight with all I have to realize that I am not some piece of squirming matter that they can mold.

I am an individual and a human being and I deserve to be treated with respect and consideration.

I don't peg down t his woman at all.

But I peg down a system that treats people like they are objects.

It's almost akin to being objectified as a woman by disrespectful misogynistic people.

Billi

If you can try to keep in mind that because of all the bureaucratic hoops these kinds of agencies have to go through, they have rules about paperwork, etc. that are probably tied to funding. They aren't meaning to be cold and insensitive, but the system does set that environment up. IT'S NOT PERSONAL. They aren't setting out to make your life miserable; quite the opposite actually. You use words like demeaned, diminished, intimidated, degraded, etc. that indicate this whole process is very triggering to you. Try to just get through the administrative baloney with the attitude that this is just the routine, the necessary evil. You will get beyond this point and hopefully the nurses will be of help to you.

So sorry this is process is so triggering for you.

I can relate a little bit. When I am admitted to the hospital, there is a ton of paperwork that has to be completed before I can even go to my room. Interviews with the nurses, the social worker, the medical doctor, etc. It literally takes hours. A few times I've been really impatient with the process because it was very late at night and I just wanted to go to my bed and rest. But most of the time, since I know the routine so well, I just try to take it in stride as the necessary evils of getting admitted into a psych unit. Every patient goes through the same process. It has to be that way in order to complete records, provide for my care, and obviously to be sure everything is billed correctly (grr - wish they'd bill someone else). There are reasons why everything has to be done they way it is done (even if we don't understand those reasons). I just can't let that get to me. I have enough issues as it is.

Take a few deep breaths and remember what they are doing is not a comment on who you are as a person.

[CantExplain]

It is certainly a lot easier if you can afford to pay for the treatment yourself. You get more respect.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Yes, thanks.

I do understand all the stuff.

But it's true about being triggered.

I have felt dehumanized all my life by my abusers/traumatizors.

then going thru this.

I appreciate the reinforcement from you guys.

Billi