Completely dissolve ...

It feels like the weight of the world on my shoulders, or more needing to keep everything so locked up and tight within again my shoulders feel that massive pressure. A few minutes of talking to T yesterday and I dissolved completely; was a mass of tears and made no sense at all and couldn't say any of the things I wanted which is really really annoying because I needed to talk. I was thinking about it after and wondering why it happened so easily and came up with that it felt safe. Safe to be with, safe to let down and cry, safe to not have to pretend everything was ok, safe to let someone else be there. Safe
So although I still wish I had said a lot more and am frustrated a bit by that
That feeling safe is precious
only trouble is now I'm left with everything again on my own

I'm happy you dissolved. Crying is a release. Good for you.

Maybe if you write it out Tigergirl, some of that feeling will go away. I've had this happen to me as well and writing seems to help resolve some of the need of saying it to T anyway.

Will you see her again before your surgery? If not, can you call her again?
Feeling safe is indeed precious, maybe more so than saying any particular words. Can you feel the comfort of that safety, that your T is with you and you are not alone?

Just what I was going to say!

A good cry is never wasted.

Words are communication. Nonverbals, including crying, are communication too.

You communicated in the way you needed to. That's a good thing.

Anne

(((((((((((((((((((((((((( tigergirl )))))))))))))))))))))))))

The things we really really need to say are not always verbal; the tears you describe surely come from a very deep level. You needed to talk; you also needed to cry, and it sounds like you were able to do it. It sounds weird but I'm glad you were able to get that release - and in T's presence, yet, where you wouldn't hurt yourself. That's very courageous, and it can help you a lot.
wishing you peace and healing