[JayneJohnson49]

Monday T told me she’s shutting down her practice to care full-time for her dementia stricken mother and will not be available after July 19th. She offered all clients extra appointments during these two weeks which is quite supportive and generous of her. She sated she’s relieved to have finally made the decision and able to tell her clients.

I’m unsure if I should I stop going right now or keep going. She said if I choose to continue these next two weeks we’ll only discuss the termination process and not other topics. I’m confused how to proceed. I’ve tried calling to say I’m not returning but that seems so cold and hurtful so I put the phone back down. Yet, I don’t want to have another session. I don't want to see her again.

My father is a similar age as her mother so from that stand point I understand her decision and the thought that went into it. She isn’t abandoning her clients and she handled the situation the best she could.

If you’ve had a T terminate how did you handle it? Did you continue with sessions until the very end? If so, did you find them useful for closure? If not, did you regret it? When T told you of the termination what feelings and reactions happened?

[pbutton]

I think closure ended up being very important to me. My gut reaction was to want to quit; I'd advise against making any rash decisions.

[JayneJohnson49]

Why yes, that IS my gut reaction so I've been able to recognize and stop myself from making the call. But I still want to.

How did closure help? Why was your gut reaction to quit? I suspect mine is fear of accepting she really is leaving, she isn't just going on vacation. Our relationship really is ending.

Ug, I would be devastated if this happened. I am so sorry to hear this is happening to you. Here's hoping you get what you need during this time.

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by JayneJohnson49

Monday T told me she’s shutting down her practice to care full-time for her dementia stricken mother and will not be available after July 19th. She offered all clients extra appointments during these two weeks which is quite supportive and generous of her. She sated she’s relieved to have finally made the decision and able to tell her clients.

I’m unsure if I should I stop going right now or keep going. She said if I choose to continue these next two weeks we’ll only discuss the termination process and not other topics. I’m confused how to proceed. I’ve tried calling to say I’m not returning but that seems so cold and hurtful so I put the phone back down. Yet, I don’t want to have another session. I don't want to see her again.

My father is a similar age as her mother so from that stand point I understand her decision and the thought that went into it. She isn’t abandoning her clients and she handled the situation the best she could.

If you’ve had a T terminate how did you handle it? Did you continue with sessions until the very end? If so, did you find them useful for closure? If not, did you regret it? When T told you of the termination what feelings and reactions happened?

My former T ended his practice suddenly too. I got about 4 weeks notice. At first, I was so shocked that I left in a daze. I went to every last session and tried to say everything that I wanted to say so there was nothing "left over" to deal with. I'm glad I finished that way. Obviously, there was stuff later that I wish I could have said, but I mostly said everything I wanted to.

Even with that said, I never want to see my T again, so I can understand your feeling that way too. I spent a lot of time processing the relationship with a new T and over time, I realized that I wasn't in a good therapeutic relationship even though it seems good at the time.

If you have any questions, you can PM me and I can share more details if you think that could help you.

I didn't take a break and immediately started seeing another therapist. I'm glad I did that because I would have turned all the hurt inward, I think.

During those last four weeks, I cried everyday. And when I say cry, I mean the full on sobs. I'm embarrassed to admit that but I was so hurt. I'd finally let someone into my world and then to be stripped of that....just devastating. It took a LONG time to heal, but you eventually do.

Mine terminated with me out of nowhere, and I had no chance for the closure I really needed, so I can't answer your exact question...but coming from the other side, I know I still ache for it almost 3 years later.
Lack of closure makes therapy with your next therapist very difficult (you keep wanting and reaching for something you can't quite get to and you can't have), plus you start out in a place of feeling cut off, hurt, angry...still so very grief-stricken. Not like you won't be feeling some of those ways anyway, but at least you can process some of your feelings with your current T as you move through the next week+ or so. If you have the time with her, take it and feel whatever you are feeling and express it and talk about it with her. I literally would give up so, so much to be able to have had that kind of closure with my T.
I am very sorry you are losing your therapist. I know how painful it is, and I know you are angry, too. Give both of you the chance to begin work on your grief so you can start the healing/closure process. I know you will be healthier for it down the road, although I can totally respect your pull against it at the moment.
Many hugs to you.

[JayneJohnson49]

Thanks for the responses. I am angry yet feel shame in that emotion. I understand how difficult this is for her, I don't imagine she just woke up Monday and said I'm going to leave all my clients. We didn't talk about her experience, nor do we plan to, but I have enough empathy to believe this is hard and emotional for her. However, I'm still very angry and it feels unjust. Bringing it up is selfish. I feel bitter towards her and she doesn't deserve that. I'm trying to work through the feelings a bit before our next session so I don't go in and rage at her. I don't want our end to have that strain or negativity, therapy has meant so much more to me than the hurt I feel at this moment.

[Perna]

I've done things both ways; had closure at the end of a relationship and, when my grandmother died, did not go to her funeral. I would go with what you feel/want. You may regret either decision?

My father was in the hospital for a month before he died and my brothers and I flew to the hospital, etc. and I wish I hadn't had to do that because of what I saw/experienced. I can't get those last scenes out of my heart and they affect my total life experience/memories of my father?

[tinyrabbit]

I'm so sorry to hear about this - I'd suggest going to see her again so you have some closure.

[JayneJohnson49]

I had a session yesterday and will do the final one next week. It was very difficult but I tried my best to meet with her without the intense rage although mostly spent the session staring at the clock counting down the minutes! In many ways I felt overwhelmed as if I had too much to say and not enough time, similar to someone dying where you rush to tell them how much they meant to you and impacted your life. I wasn't able to say any of it so I'm working towards that for next week. Why didn't I tell her all along? Telling her now seems ingenuine.

We reviewed her half dozen referrals and a timeline of when to contact so as not to disrupt my progress. I haven't decided if I will or won't continue. I'm tired. I'm worn down. I'm afraid.

I'm still confused, angry, sad, and incredibly hurt by the loss of this relationship. I'm taking the wonderful insight of posters here and using this opportunity for healthy closure.

[tinyrabbit]

I think it's worth recognising that you can't make a perfect choice in an imperfect situation. In an ideal world, your T wouldn't have to do this - but it's not an ideal world and so an imperfect choice is the only option.