Before therapy, I reached out to NO ONE, EVER. I would never have shared my feelings or asked for help or opened up. I had friends, and they shared a lot with me, but the sharing was super one-way.

Once I learned how to trust T, even a little bit, I started reaching out to him...when things happened, or I needed to process something, or I needed help getting through a situation. I have reached out to him SO MANY TIMES in the past 4 years, and he's never told me not to, or suggested that I might want to reach out to a friend, or anything. He's just been so. consistently. there.

And in the middle of all of that, I started reaching out here...and here, it's been the same thing. Just people being HERE, so consistently, to listen, to help, to provide feedback. And it's felt safe because it's anonymous and has helped me SO SO much.

Anyhow, recently, I've noticed that without thinking about it, or talking about it, or making it a goal, or planning it, I've been reaching out to friends right here in my real life. T, too. Both. I've had some things come up in the past 10 days or so, and I've shared my feelings with and asked for support from (!) friends, AND T. I'll send them an e-mail, and also send one to T...and every time, my friends have replied first, and have been so loving and helpful and supportive..and when I need it, funny and irreverent. And eventually T replies, and that feels good too.

I hear about a lot of Ts on the board really pushing people to reach out for support "in real life"...outside of the therapy room..and I was thinking, maybe it just HAPPENS. Maybe once we've experience enough of the safety and solidness and consistency of the T relationship, it just naturally feels less scary to reach out in real life. Maybe it's not a PUSHING as much as an ALLOWING...allowing the changes to take place, allowing the process to happen.

I imagine the balance will tip eventually...maybe sooner, maybe later...and I will reach out to my friends more and T less.

It's another of those points I NEVER would have thought I would come to at the beginning of therapy...or even a year ago in therapy. It's not ME. But it IS.

I remember early in therapy I wanted T to tell me stories of people who "got better". And he never could give me a really clear story, and now I'm starting to get why. It seems like "getting better" is made up of all of these seemingly small things...learning to accept feelings for what they are, learning to live in the moment, learning to connect with other people in an authentic way...that add up to something so big.

I see T tomorrow. H was drunk tonight and that's SUPER SUPER SUPER triggering to me (still! argh!), so we'll talk about that...because I want to learn to get past that trigger (he's not abusive or anything when he's drunk). But I hope I remember to tell him *this* too, because we did it together.

[CantExplain]

I've noticed something similar. I'd learn a new trick with T, then I'd try it out on my wife, my friends, and pretty soon I'd be doing it with everyone.

And you are right, it is quite unconscious.

I was annoyed that T wasn't teaching me any skills, but in fact she was. The teaching was simply too subtle for me to see.

[roads]

That's an amazing thing to become aware of, treehouse. I hope you remember this, to tell your T. It will be a real gift you give him.

Thanks.

Roadrunner

[childofyen]

That was so beautiful, thank you for sharing!

[rainbow8]

Thank you, tree. You're amazing! I've also found that I can reach out to others--not everyone, but one particular friend. I can share almost everything that goes on in my therapy and she helps me. She's there for me and she thanks me for sharing. She's the only one in RL I shared my poem, Wanting Mommy, with, and she thanked me for trusting her.

Yes, therapy CAN help us with RL. That is the goal, after all.

[Wysteria]

Hey Treehouse...

Sounds like the stars are aligning in your world...how very cool. That is exactly what my T has been wanting for me, but I haven't been doing very well at. I'll get there...but just hasn't happened yet for me safely. Like you said, it seems to just need to build upon itself and happen naturally and gradually. I'm so very happy for you and so glad that you shared your insight and gratitude for your T with us.

Hugs,

Wysteria Blue

[beautiful.mess]

That's awesome you have turned that corner; I hope one day I can say the same! TFS!!!

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by treehouse

......I remember early in therapy I wanted T to tell me stories of people who "got better". And he never could give me a really clear story, and now I'm starting to get why. It seems like "getting better" is made up of all of these seemingly small things...learning to accept feelings for what they are, learning to live in the moment, learning to connect with other people in an authentic way...that add up to something so big........

((((((((((( dear Tree )))))))))) you make-a me smile.

I hope you do tell T about this. It's going to be very precious to him.

[granite1]

this is awsome tree.you are an inspiration to me. thank again for sharing such an inspiring story

[learning1]

Originally Posted by treehouse

It's not ME. But it IS.

I learn so much from reading your posts, Tree. Your post about little Tree lately too. I think I've been learning as much from you as from from my t.

Sometimes I like when you have lines like this that could mean so many things.

Amazing You're an inspiration, Thank you for sharing