[rainbow8]

I asked about doing IFS so I could let the parts talk to my T and "I" could "leave." She, wise T, said she doesn't want to do that because then she's in it too much instead of my Self. When we used to do IFS she'd always ask "does that part know you're here" and "what can you give that part?" I usually said that I wanted my T to give the part something nurturing, which she did, or had me visualize her, my adult Self, and maybe someone else soothing the baby or child.

She said with EMDR my Self has to be there, so it's better for me! So, just like email, I have to give up IFS, something I really, really liked. I liked having the part talk, and not being me. But my T is taking more classes in EMDR since she feels it is more effective than IFS.

Who said we don't always want what we need? That's the way I feel. It's for my own good, I can tell, but it's another way of my T moving me toward independence. I know that's the goal, but......

I'm getting used to EMDR though. I feel like I've been hypnotized afterwards though that's not the case at all. I was able to talk about the embarrassing stuff without being too embarrassed! My T said I did great. She hopes that now it won't bother me anymore. That's what is so amazing about EMDR. Sometimes that happens! The feelings are just gone! I do feel better about it, but it's too soon to tell.

I felt a little disoriented afterwards, which is normal for EMDR, so my T walked me to my car. I was her last client, but she wasn't going home. I asked for a hug outside, and she did it. She even asked if it was long enough for me. I said "yes" because it was SO nice!!! It made up for EMDR being distancing. My eyes were closed the whole time (that's how we do it) but I feel closer to her than I used to when we first started EMDR. If it works, I'll be happy. I think....

[granite1]

wow it must be hard to start giving up the IFS i know that you really like that style of therapy.do you think that your T could do both and not have to give it up completely

[rainbow8]

She told me if I really wanted to we could have done it last night but when she told me why she thought EMDR is better for me, I reluctantly agreed that she was probably right. It does get to be about her and not me when we've done IFS. It gets to be about my wanting her. I didn't realize that but she did.

I feel like I'm grieving a little, again. I'm fighting being independent from my T, but I can still have hugs and all the good caring from her, so I think I will be all right. I still like the technique of IFS. I know my T still believes in it, that we have different parts and a Self, and the goal is to build up my Self. She didn't give up her basic belief in the IFS model.

[peaches100]

Hi Rainbow,

I see you as getting the best of both worlds: you are learning to build up your independence of your Self, but you still have the nurturing good things from t! There's a place for both!

How sweet of her to ask if the hug was long enough. I think she wants to help you grow, but in a way where you know she's also there for you, not abandoning you. She wants the growing experience to be healing for you, not abandoning.

I'm sorry you didn't get to do IFS, since you wanted to. But she didn't say you could never do it, right? She just thinks the EMDR might benefit you more. It sounds like you see the logic in that.

How are you feeling today?

[mixedup_emotions]

Rainbow, there has been such tremendous growth for you in therapy, and I am amazed at the work you're doing. I see you allowing yourself to feel the pain and grief of gaining independence but still getting the caring that you need from your T. I imagine it to be similar to growing up in a loving household. At some point, a child gains independence and certain routines change....but in the end, there's still the love and caring from the parents....ideally.

[rainbow8]

peaches, thank you for posting here. I wish my T didn't like EMDR better but the reality is that she does. It doesn't mean if something seems more suitable for IFS that we can't do it. I also can have sessions where we just have a "conversation" and I look at her for the whole session. I realized that's normal therapy, and how far I've drifted away from it. I remember when I first went to see my T and I was checking out other Ts too. She told me I'd had years of therapy and she thought I should see an EMDR T because that was something different and could really makes changes for me. She was just learning and thought I should see someone more experienced.

So, now she's experienced and studying more and still feels EMDR is the way to go. It does seem to affect me differently than straight talk therapy. But it's also talk therapy, or I make it that way. When she stops the buzzers I can say nothing, a word, a phrase, or more if I want to. I can tell her what I'm thinking and feeling, so we're still doing talk therapy. It's just weird.

MUE: It's bittersweet! Thank you for noticing my growth because I'm not sure I do. I want my T! I want my Mommy! I don't want to give her up.
I did come from a loving home and when I became a Mommy my mother was still there for me. I never became independent--not really. I don't want to now, either. I want to die with my T taking care of me. Pathetic, I know. Yet I'm stretching myself in RL, doing things I've always wanted but never did before. It's now or never.