[sittingatwatersedge]

Re-entry after a 2 wk interval. and NO IDEA what we should talk about but I notice that digging-the-heels-in feeling whenever I look at the clock.

saw something yesterday that could be used as a shield of humor, even if only for a moment....

"It is facing our fears that strengthens us;
But running from them can be a great cardio workout."

Somehow I doubt that T will laugh... pocket riders wanted this afternoon if anyone is available.

[pachyderm]

Could you use a pocket rider from a pocket borough?

[sittingatwatersedge]

I was about to say yes but - hm, interested in riding in the pocketbook or the pocket?

Count me in - good luck today!!

[granite1]

i'm in sittingi hope thinkg go well and you will have an amazing session and connection

[purple_fins]

Good luck
will be thinking of you.

I've just been to T. once this month(she's been out of town a few times).... I understand that anxiety of going back.

[roads]

Am I too late? I think the cardio quote's a hoot.
Expect a great session--expectations get me halfway ...
Roadrunner

[sittingatwatersedge]

thank you all, so much.

I got up my courage and deliberately set the tote bag on the floor instead of hiding behind it - I had a sensation like unmooring a boat and drifting away from the dock.

she took a lot of notes last time, which worried me, and started up again this time. I can't believe I actually asked her what she was writing. She said, "that you put the tote bag on the floor - and I put an exclamation point,see?"

I don't remember all of what we talked about but somewhere in there I remember her exclaiming, "I am so happy that we can talk like this!" I didn't know what to say

and at the end she lost track of the time and we ran over a little. Except for finding out that she is taking a ton of vacation & I can see her only once more before 1st week of January, I think it went OK. thanks!

It sounds like it went a lot better than okay. Good job on facing those fears head on. It sounds like you did an amazing job

[granite1]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

thank you all, so much.

I got up my courage and deliberately set the tote bag on the floor instead of hiding behind it - I had a sensation like unmooring a boat and drifting away from the dock.

she took a lot of notes last time, which worried me, and started up again this time. I can't believe I actually asked her what she was writing. She said, "that you put the tote bag on the floor - and I put an exclamation point,see?"

I don't remember all of what we talked about but somewhere in there I remember her exclaiming, "I am so happy that we can talk like this!" I didn't know what to say

and at the end she lost track of the time and we ran over a little. Except for finding out that she is taking a ton of vacation & I can see her only once more before 1st week of January, I think it went OK. thanks!

i hope what you talked about comes back to you SWE it must be frustrating when you dont remember.it sure is when it hapens to me but sometimes it comes back in bits as i calm down and days go bye.i am glad you felt it went ok.

[sittingatwatersedge]

I remember telling her about something that happened since I saw her last and she asked me, how did you feel when that happened?
and much later, long after the subject had changed, she brought it back, and asked the same question again.

Did she think my answer would be different? Was it important to focus on what I felt about it? she didn't say so, and I didn't have words to ask her about it, although I wondered why she went into it again.

One of these days I am going to keep my head on when I go in there, and not spend the next few days going, wait a second, what about....

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

..... somewhere in there I remember her exclaiming, "I am so happy that we can talk like this!" I didn't know what to say...........

this keeps coming back to me, and it's raising alarm bells. Does this mean she sees the end of therapy coming? I don't feel like I'm ready for that.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge
..... somewhere in there I remember her exclaiming, "I am so happy that we can talk like this!" I didn't know what to say...........

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

this keeps coming back to me, and it's raising alarm bells. Does this mean she sees the end of therapy coming? I don't feel like I'm ready for that.

I missed something. I don't see the connection.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

"I am so happy that we can talk like this!"

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

this keeps coming back to me, and it's raising alarm bells. Does this mean she sees the end of therapy coming? I don't feel like I'm ready for that.

I don't see the connection either. To me it sounds like maybe this type of communication is something you've been working toward and you finally got there! So it could be the start of some really productive sessions. Sounds like a really good session!

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by sunrise

it could be the start of some really productive sessions.

what I hear is, this is so far from what you were before SAWE, able to have this kind of communication, you are about done.

People don't go to a T in order to have nice chats. My experience in that room, for years now, is not one of nice chats. It has been pain, and confusion, involuntary revelations at way too deep a level, frustration, distrust, anger, bottomless shame, unbounded sadness, just about anything except that. We don't change just that fast; surely that's not possible. and I have no idea what we were talking ABOUT when she said it.

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

this keeps coming back to me, and it's raising alarm bells. Does this mean she sees the end of therapy coming? I don't feel like I'm ready for that.

This sounds hugely positive to me! You've been hiding behind the tote bag (holding back from being open) and now you're not (you feel more confident being more open with T). This is wonderful! I would say that therapy is just really *beginning* rather than ending!

I've experienced something similar. For a couple of months I held one of T's couch pillows in front of me during sessions, and I kind of wrapped my arms around it. At the time I was feeling pretty resistant to therapy and I guess this was how I expressed it. Then I finally stopped fighting, and consciously refused to hold the pillow in front of me. And I haven't since. And I am much more open and not holding back from him and now we're really making progress - painful as it is.

I hope you can feel good about what you've achieved. Good work!!

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

what I hear is, this is so far from what you were before SAWE, able to have this kind of communication, you are about done.

People don't go to a T in order to have nice chats. My experience in that room, for years now, is not one of nice chats. It has been pain, and confusion, involuntary revelations at way too deep a level, frustration, distrust, anger, bottomless shame, unbounded sadness, just about anything except that. We don't change just that fast; surely that's not possible. and I have no idea what we were talking ABOUT when she said it.

It all sounds very interesting and I hope you and she can talk about it next time. When you first described the session, it didn't sound like just a nice chat to me. It sounded productive and great. I think having good communication can really help therapy. Going to therapy doesn't mean you have to have misunderstandings or misconnections in order to make progress. I see what you originally said as a really good thing, maybe the start of something really great and lots of progress. I found with my T that good communication only facilitated the work, didn't mean it was time to stop. SAWE, I think I can understand why, after so long not communicating in the way you describe that you would be unnerved by this.

[sittingatwatersedge]

(((((( kind friends )))))) thanks for your comments.
Sunny I am NOT discounting or minimizing yours at all but you hit close to something when you said

Originally Posted by sunrise

I think I can understand why, after so long not communicating in the way you describe that you would be unnerved by this.

the thought that came to mind was old movies of Dracula, caught outside after sunrise... are the "alarm bells" I sense just an impulse to crawl back into my coffin before the ray of healthy sunlight hits me ? yikes.