When do you start mentally preparing for your next T visit?

Lol, eeek, *cricket cricket* moments!

People have posted in this thread all different kinds of anticipations of T-day. I'm a little amazed at how many people feel they have to prepare. If you try to prepare mentally I have to wonder how much of that mental preparation lasts until T-day and the session itself.

Of course, if there's something big I'm dealing with I'll bring that up, but otherwise I never prepare for T-day except for journalling odd thoughts that bubble up from the deep. T doesn't give me the impression that prep is either necessary or desirable. If I don't have anything specific I want to address at the session, I'm happy to let T take the lead and let her start topics or ask questions.

I've always had the impression that whatever you really need to deal with will pop out sooner or later. Preparation (to me) seems very, very counterproductive. Very, very controlling and anti-spontaneous. T knows pretty well from my journals what's going on, and I'm happy to let her choose most of the time what we're going to deal with.

Hope this helps! Take care.

KazzaX: good luck this coming Friday; I will be thinking about you.

Tree - for me it's more like, "in some ways I am *always* preparing, but in many ways I am never prepared"....

>>> .... Preparation (to me) seems very, very counterproductive. Very, very controlling and anti-spontaneous.
yep that's me, controlling. I wear a watch, now, because T took down her wall clock and is not going to replace it, she wants to own the time (she calls it "keeping the time') and i can't stand for her to have a watch only, and me having no idea how much time i have left.

>>> T knows pretty well from my journals what's going on, and I'm happy to let her choose most of the time what we're going to deal with.
Ygrec I would be too but the thing is, my T *will not* choose.
I am expected to fill that room with sound for a full 60 minutes
(OK, she gives me time to formulate a thought, but that's about it).

[QUOTE]I've always had the impression that whatever you really need to deal with will pop out sooner or later. Preparation (to me) seems very, very counterproductive. Very, very controlling and anti-spontaneous. T knows pretty well from my journals what's going on, and I'm happy to let her choose most of the time what we're going to deal with.
[QUOTE]

Ygrec23,
I always enjoy and I am impressed by your ability to do what is sensible in any situation. Unfortunately I am not there yet, having just started therapy only a few months ago, so I am still preparing by trying to mentally get myself ready to share the information that I am finally able to get out. Sharing doesn't always happen, but I try to challenge myself to get out what's irritating my mind. My t always starts by allowing me to talk first, so I like to disclose if I can instead of having her pulling information out of me.
Thank you for your insight!
Bluemountains

You're of course entirely right. In the early period of therapy there are all kinds of things you need to tell T just to educate T about your basics. Same for me, same for everybody. I guess I forgot that when I posted yesterday. But, for me at least, there did come a time when all those basics had been communicated and we were on a level playing field. I don't feel that she "runs" the show any more than I do. It's kind of an equally shared responsibility. And there are never any dead silences which I did have with prior T's. Take care!

I'd be embarassed to look at my watch.

I could live with that too. But my T is a participator. Take care!

>> I'd be embarassed to look at my watch.
I know, but I fear being in the middle of something and run out of time; the other alternative (pretty intololerable, to me) would be knowing that T was going to "manage" me, my emotions, so that I would come up out of deep water and end time-on-the-dot without getting the bends.... I'm not a trained seal.
I sure wish I could get 90 minute sessions.

>> my T is a participator.
mine too, of course. But she will not direct a session. She says that is up to me. I tried telling her, look one of us has certificates etc, and it ain't me; no go.

May I ask what is embarrassing about checking the time? I look at my watch if I cannot see the clock. I almost always am the one who ends it too. I have stoodup mid sentence if time ran out ( although usually I am more aware of the time than that), handed the t her fee, and left. my t does talk and I will not see a t who will not have some ability to direct the focus of the appointment (i do not know what needs to be discussed that will be useful to me fixing the reason I put myself through this horrible thing-knowing is what I am paying her for)

I never said she was unable to direct, I said she would not.

I once brought up something HUGE and it was very harrowing for me - dissociating, spirals, muscle spasms, it was awful. I went back the next time just clenched, petrified, expecting her to throw it at me. But she didn't. I never dared mention it again for a whole year, and to my amazement, neither did she. Then one day I got my courage up and asked her why not and she said, when you are ready you will bring it up yourself. I am not going to drag you through anything; it doesn't work that way.
I said, then if I had never mentioned it again, neither would you have done? and she said, no. You know what needs working on.

And look - I did bring it up again, didn't I. That whole year, I knew **** well it needs working on.

SAWE - Do we have the same T's? Even though my T doesn't direct, she still knows how to ask questions that bring out of me what is mostly on my mind. She also does little interpretation but leads me to find my own understanding. She's a genius (I think) in guiding without seeming to guide.

Sometimes I wish she'd bring stuff up so that I wouldn't have to but it's probably best that when I feel it's the issue to address, I will bring it up myself. And I have; and I do. Imposing the agenda on me probably would not work. But, again, her gentle and probing questions do bring forth what needs discussing.

Also, I would hate not seeing the clock. I need to know how to pace myself. I would be constantly worried that I was in my last 2 minutes if I couldn't see that actually I had 20 minutes left.

I was not criticizing. All I meant was, for me, I require a t who will and does direct unless I stop it. In otherwords, my choice not theirs.

Wow! That's a pretty severe reaction.

I think it makes a difference what KIND of therapist you have. I know some styles prefer the spontaneous thing. The T I see is a cognitive behaviorist and he asks me about my "agenda" for each session. I hate that word because where I work, my "agenda" is stuff I have to get DONE that day and since we work on the same issues over and over, the use of the word agenda makes me feel as if I've failed because I'm not DONE with this issue yet. So he has started using the word "focus." But it's still a matter of me choosing what we focus on working on for that session

Well, I like T and I don't resent being in therapy. She gets paid by my insurance, so I don't have to hand her money. I'm not a great clock-watcher in any circumstances, but when I'm with someone (friend or hired hand) and we're doing serious business, I'd rather not give them the impression I'd like to cut things short.

I leave it up to her to decide when to go. It's the usual matter of tones of voice and talking about the next appointment. Though I don't feel it to be a "horrible thing," I too feel as if she knows best as concerns how to deal with and get rid of the problems I'm trying to solve. So, unless something has come up that I need to get out in the open, I'll let her choose the next topic.

Really a "horrible thing," huh? Take care.

You're quite right. My T is a psychodynamic psychotherapist, old school. Which is what I wanted and am comfortable with. I can well imagine that more cognitive, behavioral T's do things in different ways. I wonder if, in the end, they have any significant difference in effectiveness. Take care!

I do find it quite horrible. Possibly necessary, I hope useful eventually, but definitely horrible. I find dental surgery to be a less horrible experience that I actively subject myself to and pay for. I do not particularly dislike the therapist and I choose to pay weekly. I pay weekly to keep the insurance company of my life and to keep the t out should I decide to quit- If I quit I do not have to deal with a bill arriving in the mail. I do not think I resent it, I just do not trust it. At all.
I do not think checking the time is an indication of wanting to cut things short, but rather me just
having that knowledge and control.
I try not to think about the upcoming appointment days before because I feel sick if I think about
it. Usually I can put it off until the night before. The post appointment time is worse for me.

I wonder about that as well sometimes. I originally started seeing my T because my mother in law sees him and recommended him for a horrible depression I was in. She had read studies about how Cognitive Behavioral therapy is the most effective treatment for anxiety and depression - that you use CB therapy for depression, but psychodynamic therapy to address long standing or childhood issues. However, my T and I, after addressing the most desperate of the depression symptoms, just kind of transitioned into addressing the issues relating to my childhood. I cannot imagine switching therapists now.

The latest research I have seen seems to indicate that the best indicator of a good outcome from therapy is the strength of the therapeutic relationship and not the type of therapy.

that is the info. I keep running into too.

My T has a wall clock that hangs above my head, so I'd have to twist around to see it. There's a small clock in my eyeline to her right, but I've come to realise it's always been about 10 minutes slow for whatever reason...

In any case, I leave it up to T to decide when we're done for the day - and I've quit trying to predict what time that might be, so not a lot of point watching the clock, right time or not

I start thinking about it Sunday for Monday appointments, mostly just sort of weird anticipation, and try to jot some notes down for myself on Monday morning to take along in case I forget everything during the appointment.

So I don't really prepare much at all, but I make sure I have something to talk about if I'm prompted to fill the airtime.

My T doesn't "wind down". She "cuts off". She says, "I'm aware that our time is up."

Therefore, I am forced to keep an eye on the clock out of self defence.

New thread!

I don't put up with that. It T's clock is wrong, I grab it and set it right.

I do that a lot too & then when I get there I go completely blank. It's hard not to overwhelm myself with thoughts of what I want to say, but it takes a toll on me physically a lot because that's how my anxiety increases. I know my next appt with T is Monday so I wrote a few things down & decided to bring a few journal entries that I previously wrote to talk about with her. Hopefully I won't over think things too much.

Haha! Really!? The idea of getting up, grabbing the clock, and setting it to the right time makes me laugh -- I don't think I could ever do that! I wouldn't feel right messing with any of her stuff. Besides, I think she has it set wrong on purpose... just a theory...