your thoughts? please???

i've been seeing my T for about a year now (on a weekly basis), and back when I first started with her, she told me for the first few weeks that if it ever got to be "too much" (as in the cost- she has a private practice) to let her know. i kept telling her it was fine, it was fine... and now that i realize i'm in it for the long haul, i kind of want to take the "edge" off and lower the cost of a session... but i have NO idea how to do it at this point!!! i mean, i said it was fine in the beginning, and although i can technically make it work still, it's a bit of a struggle that i'd prefer not to deal with. she'd be like, why now? it's not like anything in my life is different, but honestly who couldn't use a few extra bucks!!

how would i even begin to mention this? being as non-confrontational as i am, i know i would need to do it in an email. does someone want to write the email for me?

i'm kind of embarrassed by the whole thing. it's such a weird thing for me. i can't explain it. and if she ends up lowering the price by like $5 (don't know if that would ever happen), then if i were to agree to it, i feel like she would be like, why couldn't she just pay $5 more? it's not a significant change. and i don't even know what significant change would make me feel better... ahhhhhhhh. but just knowing i could have been paying less this whole time makes me so MADDD.

the whole thing just feels a mess to me, and not at ALL what i want to focus my energy on. sooooo stupid. blahhh. help. please.

I know this is a hard situation. I have just needed to cancel my next 3 sessions as I can't afford them. I started seeing T thinking 6 sessions and I would be cured, nearly 2 years down the line I too add up all that cash and think what I could have spent it on. T had said we could negotiate a reduction, but I do think how much could T reduce it by and it would need to be 50% to have any impact and that would be embarrassing to ask for.

However on the other hand money is money and even a small amount each week, builds up to a larger sum over time.

I think you have explained things really well in your post - T I didn't think I was in for the long haul and thought for a limited time I could meet the cost of the sessions. But now I realise that there is more work to do than I thought, I am now struggling to meet your fees. I would appreciate a reduction in fees as you had previously indicated, so that I can continue to commit to the sessions with you for a longer period of time.

It is so much easier doing this for someone else - Soup

Negotiations about money are best done face to face. I know that's tough.

I would bring the whole issue up with her, maybe print out and take in a copy of your post here. The questions, "why now" and only wanting a "little" back, etc. might help you with whatever you are working on right now?

Think of it like a dream? Maybe you are having a hard time with an issue and wanting to "hold a little back?" Or maybe you were disappointed or angry with your T for something and want to take it out on her a little, hit her where it hurts?

I saw my T for 9 years and paid out-of-pocket the whole time but looking at the number of sessions a year (40?) and the amount I paid, it was kind of like getting a good college education? Look at the total over the year and the lesser amount you might want to not pay and see how little that seems over the course of a year. What would you spent $200-$500 on, specifically? If you don't "need" the money, it might be better in the long run to give yourself the confidence and good feelings that can go with taking good care of yourself? Therapy is a "project" that you decided you wanted to do and are working hard on; do you want to change that dynamic some?

I would definitely make myself discuss my thoughts and feelings about this with my T, would bring up the subject and hang in there with the whole discussion. Make it yours and about what you want for you, rather than what you would like her to do for you (lower her rates). Own what you want, and stand behind it. Whether she will give you a discount and/or how she feels, etc. is not the issue; it is stating what you would like for you and feeling good about yourself, that it is your therapy and you are in charge of and responsible for your life, even this part.

My T said he'd gotten enough money from me. Really? It's okay now that I'm poor again??? But this is your issue (my issue), not T's. He gave me that $5 cut line, and I was like, just forget it. I can't exactly take a $5 cut and then waltz in there with a Starbucks venti, can I? Moving my appointments from the morning to the afternoon took care of the coffee problem. I just told T he was now my biggest expense, as I was able to come off Wellbutrin, since I now was following his instructions and no longer seeing my family. Funny how that worked out. So now we discuss it at the beginning of every year, and again around October when I meet my maximum out of pocket expenses. I totally get your feeling mad that you could have been paying less. I asked T for a refund! We talked about that like we talk about everything else. I really hate him sometimes!!!