[kansas]

I exited therapy last week (before the New Year) ... today would have been my appt. with T.

I've been a mess for 6 days ... I'm in the a similar situation as Choppin99, but I've exited. At first she said we had a connection, then she said she would not make a good friend ... in between we talked about similar thing we liked.

This (friendship and ethics) was not talked about in one session but for a total of 6 hours of sessions.

When she hugged me good by I said I still did not know where we stood, I think she said she didn't either!

I am so confused and stubborn (I refuse to make contact with her) ... I've blocked her from my phone ... but left the email open.

Anything advice, hugs etc. appreciated!

Thanks for your help and understanding!

[stopdog]

I have quit and gone back to the one I see at least monthly for the past year and a half, so my resolve is not as good as yours. The good part for me is that the t does not contact me (I do not know whether she would normally or not - but right at the beginning I told her not to contact me if I ever quit and she has not) and I have the space I need to decide whether to try again.

Having said that, when I have decided to stop for a month or two - it just takes some time to quit thinking about it. I suggest both distracting yourself and then taking some doable period of time where you let yourself be in the loss of the situation, grieve and then go on - for me at least - the more I can do this in chunks, the easier it is to quit thinking about it. Good luck to you.

[kansas]

Thanks for your input Stopdog. Right now it is really hard ... because in my mind T lead me on.

I will give T credit for helping in many ways, but this was a set back for me.

I'm so sorry that things didn't go well for you, kansas when you decided to leave therapy. I've left therapy many times, overwhelmed with the emotions that the relationship stirred up. I needed that time to calm myself, regroup and think about whether or not I wanted to be in therapy and if I want or can even handle the emotional turmoil it has stirred up. Sometimes I'd take off a few weeks and other times I've left for three or four months. My therapist, bless her heart, has never, ever contacted me or "chased me down". I don't think it would have been helpful for me. I came to learn that I was the one in charge of whether or not I wanted to continue that relationship.

But whenever I contacted her and asked her if I could make a new appointment, she always welcomed me back without reservations or newly instituted rules or regulations meant to trap me or corner me into committing. I would walk through the door and she would consistently greet me with the same warm smile and gentle greeting. She would always let me know that she was glad I had returned and she had thought of me often. I learned over time that I truly was in charge and that she was willing to hold a place for me no matter what. I've begun to realize that this has been one of the most healing parts of my entire treatment.

Take your time, breath deep and consider if the relationship is worth the turmoil. If it is, call or email and ask to return. And when you return, talk about what happened to trigger the exit and the subsequent desire to return.

Therapists pretty much allow clients to take the lead when it comes to coming and going. Some might encourage you to returen but most allow you to make that decision. And some therapists are pretty strict about continuous cancellations and or long vacations without reason. But other therapists see the client as the one who gets to make that decision and if they have an opening in their schedule, they allow the client to return.

And just one final comment . . . friendship after therapy is truly a major pitfall . . . Why do I say that? Read the number of people here on PC who have experienced that very same trap and in most cases, it almost always leads to hurt feelings and a deep sense of betrayl. Our therapeutic relationship is not a friendship, it is one sided. The ethical rule putting the nix on friendships following a therapeutic relationship is there for a reason. It doesn't, however, mean we can't return to see our therapists if we ever need a "tune up" or feel the need to reconnect with our home base! I hope things work out for you.

[rockymtngal]

Originally Posted by Jaybird57

I'm so sorry that things didn't go well for you, kansas when you decided to leave therapy. I've left therapy many times, overwhelmed with the emotions that the relationship stirred up. I needed that time to calm myself, regroup and think about whether or not I wanted to be in therapy and if I want or can even handle the emotional turmoil it has stirred up. Sometimes I'd take off a few weeks and other times I've left for three or four months. My therapist, bless her heart, has never, ever contacted me or "chased me down". I don't think it would have been helpful for me. I came to learn that I was the one in charge of whether or not I wanted to continue that relationship.

But whenever I contacted her and asked her if I could make a new appointment, she always welcomed me back without reservations or newly instituted rules or regulations meant to trap me or corner me into committing. I would walk through the door and she would consistently greet me with the same warm smile and gentle greeting. She would always let me know that she was glad I had returned and she had thought of me often. I learned over time that I truly was in charge and that she was willing to hold a place for me no matter what. I've begun to realize that this has been one of the most healing parts of my entire treatment.

Take your time, breath deep and consider if the relationship is worth the turmoil. If it is, call or email and ask to return. And when you return, talk about what happened to trigger the exit and the subsequent desire to return.

Therapists pretty much allow clients to take the lead when it comes to coming and going. Some might encourage you to returen but most allow you to make that decision. And some therapists are pretty strict about continuous cancellations and or long vacations without reason. But other therapists see the client as the one who gets to make that decision and if they have an opening in their schedule, they allow the client to return.

And just one final comment . . . friendship after therapy is truly a major pitfall . . . Why do I say that? Read the number of people here on PC who have experienced that very same trap and in most cases, it almost always leads to hurt feelings and a deep sense of betrayl. Our therapeutic relationship is not a friendship, it is one sided. The ethical rule putting the nix on friendships following a therapeutic relationship is there for a reason. It doesn't, however, mean we can't return to see our therapists if we ever need a "tune up" or feel the need to reconnect with our home base! I hope things work out for you.

Well said!

[kansas]

Jaybird 57, thanks for the "pep" talk I know you are right. Funny you said I could go back for a "tune up" ... when I went back the first time I told T ...I was back for an "oil change"!

Originally Posted by kansas

Jaybird 57, thanks for the "pep" talk I know you are right. Funny you said I could go back for a "tune up" ... when I went back the first time I told T ...I was back for an "oil change"!

LOL Now that's a comment I plan to borrow if I do another quick exit and well thought out return! Have a great day, kansas.

[kansas]

I had a better day yesterday thanks to Jaybird57 ... today I'm back to "Why? What? and feeling broken.

I think I should say this was female T and I am a female ... I was wanting a female friendship. I'm married to a terrific guy!