[rainbow8]

I hope my T is at her destination now. I thought asking her the details about her flight schedule would be crossing a boundary but I wish I had!

If I think about her being so far away I start to cry and feel scared!! I know those are little parts who feel that way. My adult self wants her to enjoy her vacation. I feel so unsettled now. Even though I'm going away too, I know that I won't feel right until my T is back. Although she doesn't answer emails to me, she promised she would email me and say simply "I'm back". That's a week from Thursday.

Does anyone else panic and worry when their T is away? It's more than just missing her. It's irrational. I guess I have to just live with it.

[unaluna]

How much have you talked about your mother's passing in T? Is this the basis of the "irrationality", unprocessed or unidentified feelings? I think I have talked about all the events, all the conversations I had, all everything to do with my dad's passing, and my T at that time said we had already resolved a lot of my feelings towards him, so there wasn't a lot of new grief to process, I had already let him go.

So what is this feeling of "more than missing" T?

[likewater]

Yeah. I worry about T, sister brother, bfriend, friends. Convinced they will die if flying or having operation etc.

Oh yes I absolutely worry and fret when my T is away. She is on the other side of the world for the past 4 months and I worry about her ALL the time. I worry something will happen to her. I also worry all the time about my family who is on the other side of the country.
I hope your T comes back really fast.

[wheeler]

Rainbow, I totally get this. I've thought of asking my T these types of questions when she's gone away, but I haven't worked up the courage, yet. Funny thing is that she'd probably be ok with it.
Hang in there.

[rainbow8]

Thank you. I cried this morning when I thought of my T smiling at me during my session. Her whole face lit up! She smiles a lot but I don't notice it so much.

Hankster, I imagine more than missing my T has a lot to do with my mother because I didn't connect with my Mom when she was sick and dying. I wished I had been there for her but I wasn't. I know she loved me but I don't remember her telling me, and I didn't tell her. I never turned into an adult (I was 33) taking care of her. I was still wanting her to take care of me but she couldn't.

Yes, I've talked about her in therapy, made a collage, written letters and read them to my T, looked at photos of her, etc. I still feel like I'm grieving for what wasn't, though. Or for the fact that my Mom was too much in my life. She'd do anything for me except let me grow up. She wanted me to be happy; that was her goal. Thanks, Hankster, for bringing up what's important. I know my crying for my T is also about my Mom.

I can't respond more now; we're going on our driving trip soon!!

[Chopin99]

I worried about my T when she was sick. Interesting thing was I had to accompany one of my own clients to the hospital the weekend after my T had a chemo treatment. Her chemo was outpatient, but when we were arriving at the hospital, it was as if I knew she was there. She emailed me a couple of days later saying she was there for chemo side effects. That was freaky!

Rainbow, I hope YOU have a good trip yourself. Enjoy!

[CantExplain]

I used to get very upset in the early days. But now my heart expects to see her again and pick up from where we left off.

Also, it was more painful to be parted from her than to be without her. After a couple of weeks I would settle down into a new routine and that wasn't so bad.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Hankster, I imagine more than missing my T has a lot to do with my mother because I didn't connect with my Mom when she was sick and dying. I wished I had been there for her but I wasn't. I know she loved me but I don't remember her telling me, and I didn't tell her. I never turned into an adult (I was 33) taking care of her.

I can relate. All except knowing she loved me.

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I can't respond more now; we're going on our driving trip soon!!

Enjoy!

Yes, always feel unsettled when on a therapy break, especially the long xmas one, which i have just started. (5 weeks). It feels like an eternity. She always tells me to hold on to the connection we have in the room, but unfortunately...........I never can.

[granite1]

it sounds like you miss her already.i am sorry.she will be home soon rain that i know for sure .try to remember that she cares about you very much and will be there waiting for you next thursday

[rainbow8]

I'm not having the greatest time because I don't feel so well--I'm exhausted and feel like I'm getting asthma. I used to have it but not lately, and I'm up to date on my allergy shots and am taking my Allegra. I wish I felt better!

granite, my T will be back next Thursday but I don't see her until the following Tuesday. I shouldn't complain; it's not so long at all, but to me it seems like a very long time.

I felt such a strong connection with her at my last session. I want more of that! Something she said about not to worry about her getting depressed made me feel a sense of longing to know that part of her--because I want to feel that way. I want to connect with that part of her. It's hard to explain even. I'm not obsessing about her but I want to connect again in that deep way. There's no other experience in RL that compares to that, unfortunately, at least not for me. Oh, no. I think it feels like infatuation or something like that! Or love. Not in a bad way, in a "this is SO nice way".

I don't feel that way with my daughter whom I'm visiting. I feel rejected though it's not on purpose. People in RL have their own agenda so I don't get the praise or attention that I feel like I need. I have to accept that. I love her and I know she loves me, but I don't FEEL loved here. My grandchildren are cute and loving but they are a handful!!!

Sorry to post this but if I write it maybe I will be able to let go of my hurt feelings. It's hard when I'm not physically up to par. Last time we were here my H and I were both sick too.

Happy holidays to all reading here.

[WePow]

((((Rainbow)))) Can you do something for T like make something artsy that will let you stay bonded at this time? It makes sense how you feel right now around family. It is a different type of relationship. Not saying one is better than the other. They are just different. You miss your T. I get that.

[rainbow8]

Thanks, WePow. Maybe I can make something for my T--a collage or drawing. She knows I get very mindful when I draw; it's an excellent distraction for me.

I gave my grandchildren baths the other night and it was so cute watching them play together. Kids' bodies are so beautiful and they are so unself-conscious about them. They have water crayons--I never heard of those before--and they had fun coloring on the tile around the bathtub and then washing it off. When I took a shower, I used them too! The little part wrote "I miss T you so much. I want you to come back!! I love you. I drew hearts too. Then I cried and washed it off.

Last night I couldn't fall asleep because I was thinking of my T enjoying the beach in Hawaii. That feeling of envy washed over me and I felt sorry for myself. I tried to pay attention to my breathing instead, or make my mind think of something else, but it was hard. I want her to have a good time, but it's so painful to think about, both because I miss her and because I want to go somewhere scenic.

[WePow]

((((Rainbow))))) That is good that you let yourself feel your emotions.
What do you need right now that you are not getting with T being gone?
Is there a way for you to get it for your little self? To give your little self what you need?

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Thanks, WePow. Maybe I can make something for my T--a collage or drawing. She knows I get very mindful when I draw; it's an excellent distraction for me.

I gave my grandchildren baths the other night and it was so cute watching them play together. Kids' bodies are so beautiful and they are so unself-conscious about them. They have water crayons--I never heard of those before--and they had fun coloring on the tile around the bathtub and then washing it off. When I took a shower, I used them too! The little part wrote "I miss T you so much. I want you to come back!! I love you. I drew hearts too. Then I cried and washed it off.

That's lovely!

I hope your grandchildren are a comfort to you.

[rainbow8]

WePow, you're asking exactly what my T would ask me. I've been thinking about therapy vs RL. Can anyone EVER act towards us the way our Ts can? I don't think so. My T always smiles at me and is interested in everything I say to her. She validates me and praises me.

My family members don't treat me that way. I don't even think they respect me. They make me feel bad though I know they (daughter and family) are overwhelmed and busy with their young kids and many responsibilities. I don't think they care if we're here or not.

I have to accept the situation as it is. I'm not so much a part of their life anymore, except the kids like/love grandma, and I certainly love them. What can I give my child parts who feel rejected? What can I give my adult parts who feel useless and unloved? I can tell them that I love them and always will, and that my kids basically have their own families now. I didn't realize it when my kids were young; we didn't want to see our parents so much either. It doesn't mean we didn't love them, but that we were busy being spouses and parents. My daughter loves me but she thinks I criticize everything she does; history is repeating itself. I try not to be that way.

I can tell my parts that we are all doing the best we can and to try to ignore the differences of opinon and look at the big picture of being blessed with children and grandchildren who are relatively happy and successful.

I can also tell them that they don't need to be validated by anyone other than myself. They want it, but don't need it. The child parts want to be appreciated. I can say: I appreciate you even if my d. doesn't. I don't know what else..... I caught a cold from my kids to add to the mix.

Can'tExplain: thanks! Yes, the bath was fun and something to remember because they grow up SO fast. I don't think my kids are enjoying them but that's how it goes.

[delicatefade26]

They have water crayons--I never heard of those before--and they had fun coloring on the tile around the bathtub and then washing it off. When I took a shower, I used them too! The little part wrote "I miss T you so much. I want you to come back!! I love you. I drew hearts too. Then I cried and washed it off.

I'm not going to lie I could picture this and it made me tear up...and my stomach drop...I'm not sure what to say..but thank you for sharing tender piece of you with us!! p.s. I LOVE bathtime crayons so much!!!

[Chopin99]

I love what WePow said about being creative and rain what you did with the crayons. I can express a lot of emotions that way, drawing, writing, poetry, playing the piano, making jewelry. It is healing.

[nannypat]

I worry too when T is away especially when I know he is flying. He tells me where he is going and I am free to email him, but I try to respect his vacation time. But yes, I worry.

[rainbow8]

My T and I are both going home Wednesday. I haven't emailed her at all since a week ago Monday night because she won't read them until she's home. I've done all right in that respect, but I've been counting the days until I see her again. I wish I weren't feeling that way, but that's where I am right now. I have a lot to talk about --the transference stuff. I'm still jealous and envious of her trip. I'm not sure if it will help to talk more about those feelings or not. I still think of her smiling at me at our last session, her saying she doesn't get depressed, and her response to my putting on the lipstick. I wonder if anyone else has moments in therapy they will never forget like I have. They make me feel very connected to my T and that bothers me.

Thanks, delicate fade, Chopin, and nannypat. Chopin, I do all those things except for making jewelry and I agree they are healing. Also singing.