[googley]

I feel guilty about my session last week. I had had such a bad day and was emotionally and physically worn out. I couldn't really engage in session after going through everything that had happened that day. My T really tried to engage me during session. But i felt so tired and dejected that I couldn't. I don't see her this week because of other stuff. I feel like I should call her and apologize for not helping. For not being a good client. I feel like I just wasted her time and was a failure. I've been agonizing over this since last Tuesday. I feel bad about this. Should I call her an apologize? I don't want her to be angry with me.

[stopdog]

I do not think there is anything for you to apologize for. You did not waste HER time - she gets paid. You may have wasted your time (not in my opinion - but that may be your take on it), but not hers. If you need reassurance she is not angry or some connection with her which will let you move one, then call and ask for that reassurance, but I do not think you have done anything which would need an apology. Somedays a person just does not have it in them.

[SoupDragon]

I'm sure our T's understand that sometimes we find it hard to engage in sessions. Why do you think T would be angry? And is there part of you that thinks differently? Hugs to you, having a longer time between sessions can be tough. Soup

[gma45]

I am sorry you have been agonizing about this for almost a week. If it would make you feel better then I would call, if not than I would just wait till you have another session and maybe mention it then. Don't go another week feeling bad though! Wishing you happy thoughts!

Originally Posted by googley

I feel like I just wasted her time and was a failure.

(((((((googley)))))))))

I really REALLY believe that if we show up, we're not wasting anyone's time. A lot happens in therapy, even when it feels like nothing is happening. We are SO not there to "perform".

I think when we're left agonizing about how we acted during a session, there's something there to pay attention to....if I tell T a big secret and spend the next week ashamed and horrified (like I have so many times), it tells me that I'm having trouble with shame, with blaming myself for the things that happened, with trusting that T can hear my story and still love me. And those are things I can work on with T when I go back (or through phone calls and e-mails if I can't wait a week).

I wonder what your agony is telling you? That you're afraid that it's not okay to just be yourself, however you're feeling? That you don't trust that T will like you if you don't "perform"? Something else?

If you need to call her to feel some relief, you should. You don't need to keep suffering, because you didn't do ANYTHING wrong.

[Ygrec23]

Originally Posted by gma45

I am sorry you have been agonizing about this for almost a week. If it would make you feel better then I would call, if not than I would just wait till you have another session and maybe mention it then. Don't go another week feeling bad though! Wishing you happy thoughts!

I think gma is absolutely right. Not another DAY feeling bad! You were just being normally human in failing to attain the standard of session conduct you've built for yourself. Nice standard, but totally silly for a real human being like you or like me or like gma or anyone else. Good days and bad days. Days you hum right along and days when you're stuck in the mud.

I assure you your T has seen it all a thousand times before and never even considered holding anything against you. I would strongly bet that the thought never entered her mind. Don't berate yourself for being human. Would you punish a cat for not attaining a human level of whatever skill you choose? Of course not. And you don't get bad marks for being a human being. Call T! Of course! She'll back me up. But please don't hold it against yourself and feel badly!!! And take good care! Ygrec

We've all been "bad clients" at one point or the other, probably most of us have been so repeatedly.

But the problem isn't being a "bad client", the problem is judging or imbuing what happened in your session as having negative value. It is a problem where your negativity about the negativity is the real problem.

This kind of thinking, as my late grandfather of few words might have said, can turn you into a fool in a rowboat with only one oar in the water, wondering why you're spinning in circles. You've got to pull the other oar. Embrace the session where you were "bad." What does it teach you?

The only other thing I ever remember my grandfather saying was "put your money in your head where no one can take it away from you." He meant education at the time, but it occurs to me that doing therapy is also putting money in your head.

Anne

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by googley

For not being a good client.

I do not believe in the notion of good or bad clients. One does what one can when one can. It is your life and you go for yourself, not the therapist. The therapist can handle it and if it cannot, it should not be a therapist. I do not believe that clients are "bad" unless overt stalking or physical violence is involved and that would equal "bad" in any situation having nothing to do with therapy. I hope you can figure out a way to feel better about your interaction with the t.

[beautiful.mess]

(((Googley)))

Sometimes I think we are our own worst enemies, ya know? Your T, I am sure, has more than likely not thought twice about the way you were in session - I am sure she knows we ALL have days where the most we can put into it is really very little. Sometimes the best thing, the ONLY accomplishment we can make is getting our butts there and just being present. Please try to go easy on yourself. Allow yourself permission to be human and once in a while just simply not be in the mood. You got yourself there....that in itself is a big deal that I think most of us fail to give ourselves credit for.

Lots of hugs to you.

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by googley

I feel guilty about my session last week. I had had such a bad day and was emotionally and physically worn out. I couldn't really engage in session after going through everything that had happened that day. My T really tried to engage me during session. But i felt so tired and dejected that I couldn't. I don't see her this week because of other stuff. I feel like I should call her and apologize for not helping. For not being a good client. I feel like I just wasted her time and was a failure. I've been agonizing over this since last Tuesday. I feel bad about this. Should I call her an apologize? I don't want her to be angry with me.

Googley, I have had sessions like this one and T was never angry with me. She was just curious about it, about what happens to make me pull away instead of staying put or moving toward and engaging. I can never say it in that session, but we get it talked about the next.

Googley, I think T is only angry with you in your mind, not in hers.

[Unrigged64072835]

(((Googley)))

Sometimes life just happens and it's not pretty. We have good days and bad days. It doesn't mean we're less than or more than anybody else. We're just human. Your T is human too, so she'll understand. I don't think all her days are sunshine and daisies, either.

You are not a bad client or a failure--you just had a really bad day. Just because you "didn't do" doesn't mean that you "are not". You are still a worthwhile person, even if you weren't able to interact well with T. It's okay to fail, it's okay to have bad days.

Do call your T if you want reassurance from her, but you don't need to apologize to her for being human.

[Dr.Muffin]

Originally Posted by googley

I feel guilty about my session last week. I had had such a bad day and was emotionally and physically worn out. I couldn't really engage in session after going through everything that had happened that day. My T really tried to engage me during session. But i felt so tired and dejected that I couldn't. I don't see her this week because of other stuff. I feel like I should call her and apologize for not helping. For not being a good client. I feel like I just wasted her time and was a failure. I've been agonizing over this since last Tuesday. I feel bad about this. Should I call her an apologize? I don't want her to be angry with me.

i dont think its necessary. therapy is for you, not her. and if you just needed to be there, even if you couldnt be engaged, then so be it. i think the more important thing is that you get why you were so disengaged...

I agree with others who've said that you have nothing to apologize for and that we all have good days/bad days. But if you feel like you need to connect with your T, then by all means do it. Call or email, whatever is available. But it will make you feel better, and that's important. And it sounds like the whole thing might be a subject of discussion for a future session ... so nothing was a waste of time.

[googley]

Hi Everyone.
Thank you for your replies. Thank you for the support that it was okay for me to just be worn out and not able to work. I really did just want to be able to be there and feel connected and safe. But that didn't even really happen since I had had to shut everything down to make it through the day.

I did end up calling her and just leaving a brief message. I am hoping that this will just let me relax, and then bring it back up next session if I need to. This way I will hopefully not worry about this between now and next session.

Thank you all for your help.