week of triggers

triggers for CA

I have never had a week with so many triggering events or maybe its just that I recognize when I get triggered. A few days before Christmas I was shopping at a bookstore and found a book called "house of secrets" which was by my favorite author... I had never seen book before and was reading the back cover and it just got me so triggered... I put back the book and had to go sit down and do some grounding exercises.. but I went back and bought the book..

I read the book on Christmas Day... it was about 3 sisters living with secrets.. and it was like an episode of Brady Bunch...it was all neatly resolved in one book... It just really brought up my issue of knowing that abuse occurred in my home growing up(siblings told me) but that I can't remember it...

Then when I tried to talk to a friend about it... My friend says that I like to go through life with my head in the sand...that I shouldn't have to remember something to know it happened... she says I've ignored blatant signs of problems in my marriage, evidence of broken things in my home...dents in wall..and then act surprised that my husband can get so angry... she said if your mom beat your sisters...she beat you too...

I got really triggered... I know that I dissociated after that...took two days to recover... my husband even noticed...kept saying where are you...cause you are not here...

If it wasn't Christmas night, I would have called my T. if for nothing else but to hear his voice. I did text on Monday to see if he had any openings - he is squeezing me in tomorrow...

don't know what I really want... just to share I guess...

(((((((readytostop)))))))!!!

I'm SO sorry that you're being triggered so much right now. For me, it seems like I go through triggery "phases"...I'll go a long time without being triggered, and then it feels like one trigger after another.

I really believe that being triggered and working through it is part of how we heal. It gives us a chance to form new neural pathways. The feelings and memories come up, and it's just like being little again...but THIS time, we talk to a friend, we reach out to PC, we call our T...and THIS time, someone sees us, and hears us, and validates us, and cares about us.

I don't know if there's anything I hate more than being triggered, though, no matter how healing it is. Even if in the end, I feel better and safer in the world (and I do), in the moment, I just want it to STOP.

Sending lots of safe hugs.

I can so relate to this. I can drive myself crazy doing things like that.

I am sorry to hear you've been so triggered lately.

How do you feel about your friend after this?

Are these the courageous words of a good friend, or the insensitive words of a bad one?

I'm confused about my friend. She was a Psych major back in college and she has been to therapy herself... I would think she should have known it would have upset me...she also didn't try to stop me when I ran out of her apartment... I was way too upset to be driving ...

I'm trying not to think too much about it... but I'm hoping it was courageous words of a good friend..

I hope so too.

i am sorry i feel the same too who is the author

the author is Tracie Peterson...