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  #1  
Old Dec 29, 2011, 08:43 PM
stopdog stopdog is offline
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Not a physical thing - but some of their techniques. For all of my frustration over therapy for me, I do find it useful in my professor role to use some of the techniques with students. And students seem to find it useful too. I have no idea why, but the students do.
Has anyone else used the t techniques outside of therapy to deal with others?
(thought I would put in something positive for therapy.)

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  #2  
Old Dec 29, 2011, 08:51 PM
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bluemountains bluemountains is offline
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As a teacher I consider it very flattering to have my lessons "stolen" from me! Perhaps as a professor you are more sensitive to the issue because of copyright laws with published material. As a your t's client, you are there to learn, and internalizing the techniques enough to use them makes you a stellar student (client)!

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  #3  
Old Dec 29, 2011, 09:01 PM
Debbie07 Debbie07 is offline
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If someone seems angst to walk away from a possible conversation with me, I picture them on the phone with someone else. They'd love to stay and chat, but they are otherwise engaged.
  #4  
Old Dec 29, 2011, 09:46 PM
Anonymous32477
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I mentor brand new lawyers and two things I focus on with them, individually and in a group, are mindfulness and being aware of their emotions, their clients' emotions, and how to use both to their and their clients' advantage.

They find both of these things revolutionary-- the ability to be present (mindful) facilitates self confidence in ways that I have never seen before. And paying attention to emotions, rather than trying to suppress them like they feel they've been told to in law school, opens them up to the more satisfying aspects of practicing law.

They sometimes say that our meetings are like therapy, to which I respond that they clearly haven't done therapy then . Things never get personal or intimate in terms of life experience, although they are very open about sharing what happens in their client interactions and court hearings and how they feel about them.

Anne
Thanks for this!
sweepy62
  #5  
Old Dec 29, 2011, 09:48 PM
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The part I find odd is how effective some of the techniques are with students. Sometimes I want to grab them and tell them not to fall for it - I am just making stuff up. I use it when students are upset and come to see me. Somehow (and I am truly baffled as I never find these things comforting and often I find them enraging so I am using things that do not work on me but do often seem to help some people) the students are often soothed and leave my office feeling better. Acting! (jon levitz again)
  #6  
Old Dec 29, 2011, 09:49 PM
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Originally Posted by 3rdTimesTheCharm View Post
I mentor brand new lawyers and two things I focus on with them, individually and in a group, are mindfulness and being aware of their emotions, their clients' emotions, and how to use both to their and their clients' advantage.

They find both of these things revolutionary-- the ability to be present (mindful) facilitates self confidence in ways that I have never seen before. And paying attention to emotions, rather than trying to suppress them like they feel they've been told to in law school, opens them up to the more satisfying aspects of practicing law.

They sometimes say that our meetings are like therapy, to which I respond that they clearly haven't done therapy then . Things never get personal or intimate in terms of life experience, although they are very open about sharing what happens in their client interactions and court hearings and how they feel about them.

Anne
I have had several students thank me for being their "therapist". If they only knew how horrified that makes me. (I do realize they mean it as a compliment and I do take is as such with them - still it gives me the willies)
  #7  
Old Dec 29, 2011, 09:53 PM
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I have had several students thank me for being their "therapist". If they only knew how horrified that makes me.
Yeah, I would feel the same way if that happened to me. But it sounds to me like you are being empathic with students who come to you upset. By not making them feel humiliated by their emotions and just listening to them, you really have helped them. Not as a T, but as just a human being. I think it's great that you can do that for your students, as I don't think many of the law professors that I know are really capable of that.

Anne
Thanks for this!
stopdog
  #8  
Old Dec 29, 2011, 09:56 PM
Anonymous29412
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I do use some of T's "techniques" with my kids. I try to channel T when they're upset, or scared, or having a hard time.

I guess I don't think of them as techniques as much as good communication skills, and ways of validating them and their feelings. I certainly didn't learn any of that in my family of origin, and I'm really grateful to have some guidance now!
Thanks for this!
beautiful.mess, lostmyway21, mommyof2girls
  #9  
Old Dec 29, 2011, 10:10 PM
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I work with emotionally challenged children/teens who are angry, scared, unsettled, confused, frustrated, depressed, psychotic, aggressive etc. on a daily basis. I definitely feel comfortable and competent in teaching and using skills that emphasis descalation of the crisis situation and soothing/grounding skills when it comes to out of control/volitile situations. I work in an environment that is volitile and dangerous, but I am confident and comfortable using these techniques with children and teens.

That said (and knowing how skillful and respected I am in doing this job), I now recognize with great HUMILITY that I do not know how to do the same thing in my own life. I am clueless and helpless when it comes to my own psychological health and welfare. And as painful as that is to say, it is the truth. It isn't until we can admit . .. truthfully and honestly to ourselves, that our life is NOT what we want or expected, that we are able to ask for the help and assistance we need.

Your students accepted and used your help and assistance with gusto! They recognized that they needed help. They realized that what you knew and had to offer was of value to them. You, perhaps, don't have that same insight. My guess is that you fight that anyone might be able to help you . . . offer you insight and help. I know I could be wrong . .. might very well be wrong .. . but you know what? Several years ago, I wouldn't have been able to admit that!
  #10  
Old Dec 29, 2011, 10:15 PM
stopdog stopdog is offline
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Originally Posted by Jaybird57 View Post
I work with emotionally challenged children/teens who are angry, scared, unsettled, confused, frustrated, depressed, psychotic, aggressive etc. on a daily basis. I definitely feel comfortable and competent in teaching and using skills that emphasis descalation of the crisis situation and soothing/grounding skills when it comes to out of control/volitile situations. I work in an environment that is volitile and dangerous, but I am confident and comfortable using these techniques with children and teens.

That said (and knowing how skillful and respected I am in doing this job), I now recognize with great HUMILITY that I do not know how to do the same thing in my own life. I am clueless and helpless when it comes to my own psychological health and welfare. And as painful as that is to say, it is the truth. It isn't until we can admit . .. truthfully and honestly to ourselves, that our life is NOT what we want or expected, that we are able to ask for the help and assistance we need.

Your students accepted and used your help and assistance with gusto! They recognized that they needed help. They realized that what you knew and had to offer was of value to them. You, perhaps, don't have that same insight. My guess is that you fight that anyone might be able to help you . . . offer you insight and help. I know I could be wrong . .. might very well be wrong .. . but you know what? Several years ago, I wouldn't have been able to admit that!
I often ask for and receive help from others and am glad to get it. I find most people are very generous.
  #11  
Old Dec 29, 2011, 10:27 PM
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I find that I can 'preach' the lessons T gives me and I am able to help guide others sometimes. Applying the same techniques for myself is a bit tougher. It's that old 'can you walk the walk along with talking the talk?" So far I'm just a talker.
  #12  
Old Dec 29, 2011, 10:27 PM
Anonymous37777
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I often ask for and receive help from others and am glad to get it. I find most people are very generous.

That's a GREAT skill to have, stopdog! You're way ahead of where I was when I started therapy. Find the right fit for you.
Thanks for this!
stopdog
  #13  
Old Dec 29, 2011, 10:41 PM
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I think the thing I find so remarkable is how readily some people can be comforted and on top of that - by me (I would not be my first choice of top comforters, I would not even put me in the middle, I would pretty much guess I would be only better than the wire monkey mother). I am very glad when a student leaves less upset and more feeling like they can succeed than when they came in - I just cannot believe they find comfort in what I would find baffling or enraging. I am grateful I have the ability to see and apply the t technique and appear sincere when doing it (things I have never found useful when the t tried it on me but I did figure the t tried it because it had been useful at some point so no harm in me giving it a whirl if it would help me with upset and stressed out students).

And I figure this is at least giving me some return on my investment. If only I could deduct therapy as a business expense like I can the bar programs.
  #14  
Old Dec 29, 2011, 11:00 PM
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[quote=stopdog;2169961]I just cannot believe they find comfort in what I would find baffling or enraging. I am grateful I have the ability to see and apply the t technique and appear sincere when doing it. (bolding added by me!)

What you said is pretty telling, stopdog. I can say that because I could be writing what you said ... and you already know that I work with children and teens.

Yes, we are able to APPLY the techniques, often quite successfully and skillfully. That gives us great pleasure and confidence. Please be honest about that feeling as being something that you feel .. . I say that because it is evident in your post.

The really SAD part for people like us is that we talk about it "appear"ing to be sincere. We truly don't see what we do or say as being sincere or real. Those are the things you need to work on because that's your stumbling block. . . you don't realize that the students you worked with believe in your honesty in the relationship. Perhaps you see what you did as false or not important. They saw it as critical and profound. . .. the imbalance of relationships .. . that's what psychotherapy is about . .. you might want to bring all this stuff you have talked about here in your therapy . .. or not. . .your decision. .. your dilemia
Thanks for this!
stopdog
  #15  
Old Dec 29, 2011, 11:48 PM
stopdog stopdog is offline
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Boy I really suck at trying to have a lighthearted thread.
  #16  
Old Dec 29, 2011, 11:51 PM
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Boy I really suck at trying to have a lighthearted thread.
You forgot to say "...Acting!"
Thanks for this!
stopdog
  #17  
Old Dec 30, 2011, 12:04 AM
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I'm sure that your T would be glad that you are using what she has taught you in other spheres of your life. The basic skills in therapy are not owned by any one person. If you look through multiple modalities of therapy (beyond specific methodologies withing specific theories) you will find that a lot of the basic skills are the same (or very similar). They may be called something different, but they are basically the same. Most of them will have skills related to slowing down breathing to help someone calm down, whether they call it deep breathing, diaphragmatic breathing, or something else. Working on grounding has also been around for a while, but under different names. So don't worry about stealing your Ts teaching.

Also, part of learning (a big step), is being able to explain something to someone else. The phrase, see one, do one, teach one, comes to mind.
  #18  
Old Dec 30, 2011, 12:06 AM
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You forgot to say "...Acting!"
Sometimes I think I am the only person who remembers that particular SNL skit.
  #19  
Old Dec 30, 2011, 12:06 AM
stopdog stopdog is offline
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I'm sure that your T would be glad that you are using what she has taught you in other spheres of your life. The basic skills in therapy are not owned by any one person. If you look through multiple modalities of therapy (beyond specific methodologies withing specific theories) you will find that a lot of the basic skills are the same (or very similar). They may be called something different, but they are basically the same. Most of them will have skills related to slowing down breathing to help someone calm down, whether they call it deep breathing, diaphragmatic breathing, or something else. Working on grounding has also been around for a while, but under different names. So don't worry about stealing your Ts teaching.

Also, part of learning (a big step), is being able to explain something to someone else. The phrase, see one, do one, teach one, comes to mind.
In one of my attempts to be nice, I did tell her I used some of the things she tried on me with the students and how to my surprise they actually worked. I think she said she was glad it helped but it really was not what she was hoping I was getting out of the appointments. I did muse aloud about the tax deduction thing.
  #20  
Old Dec 30, 2011, 12:13 AM
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Originally Posted by stopdog View Post
Sometimes I think I am the only person who remembers that particular SNL skit.
You do not want to see me around people named Rick - Amy Poehler? "HEY RICK HEY RICK HEY RICK HEY RICKHEYRICKHEYRICK!"
  #21  
Old Dec 30, 2011, 12:56 PM
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In one of my attempts to be nice, I did tell her I used some of the things she tried on me with the students and how to my surprise they actually worked. I think she said she was glad it helped but it really was not what she was hoping I was getting out of the appointments. I did muse aloud about the tax deduction thing.
She probably said that because she thought that you should be doing the skills and maybe she thought that in teaching it, you were not using them yourself.
  #22  
Old Dec 30, 2011, 07:13 PM
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Originally Posted by stopdog View Post
The part I find odd is how effective some of the techniques are with students. Sometimes I want to grab them and tell them not to fall for it - I am just making stuff up. I use it when students are upset and come to see me. Somehow (and I am truly baffled as I never find these things comforting and often I find them enraging so I am using things that do not work on me but do often seem to help some people) the students are often soothed and leave my office feeling better. Acting! (jon levitz again)
You listen to them and care about them. Most people respond to that.
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  #23  
Old Dec 30, 2011, 07:16 PM
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You listen to them and care about them. Most people respond to that.
Curiouser and curiouser.
  #24  
Old Dec 31, 2011, 11:41 PM
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I often ask for and receive help from others and am glad to get it. I find most people are very generous.
Wow! That's wonderful! I was afraid you had given up on humanity. Obviously not!

Please don't take this the wrong way. I was concerned for your happiness. I am glad to see you in a positive mood.
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  #25  
Old Jan 01, 2012, 12:00 AM
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Wow! That's wonderful! I was afraid you had given up on humanity. Obviously not!
Humanity I have learned to deal with. Therapists on the other hand...
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