[Chopin99]

I have been awake for over an hour now thinking about everything. Asking the question about the future with T. I realize now that if I had the faith in God that He wants me to have and the faith in myself and the empathic gift He gave me, I wouldn't be in the mess I'm in right now. I would have trusted my instinct that T wants to remain in my life in some way even once the process is over. I also wouldn't have to worry about changing our unusual yet beneficial therapeutic relationship.

I work as a program director for two group homes and a sheltered workshop for adults with developmental disabilities. In my job, I teach people about the nature of therapeutic relationships. When I woke up earlier, two people were in my mind: I'll call tham C and P.

C is currently a direct care worker at my group homes. P is a former client. P had Down Syndrome. Unfortunately, three years ago, P developed Alzheimer's at age 53. This is common among people with Down Syndrome. She began a steady decline which culminated in her having to be discharged to a nursing home in April and her death on December 6.

C took a liking to P that P responded to. They developed a very close bond that some thought was "too close." My boss constantly admonished me and the group home manager because we let this relationship continue. I don't think that I realized why I let it go on until tonight. At the time, it just felt right. Now I know that it was the most beautiful therapeutic relationship I have ever seen.

C loved all of our clients and gave much of herself to them also. Her bond with P was unique and healing. I cannot put it into words. Once P left our care and went to the nursing home, the relationship did not rupture. P's sister paid some of our staff to spend time with P. C never took the money, even though she needed it. C was the last person P knew before she died.

The relationship between C and P was reciprocal. In this case, it worked. This is what C posted on her Facebook when P died:
"Our wonderful P, my girl, passed away today. All of us that we're blessed enough to have known her are better people because of our time spent with her. This world has lost the most gentle soul that it may have ever had. I love you, P."

I know my relationship with my T has been unusual and controversial in its nature, but it has been essential to my healing thus far. What I want T to know is that there is nothing wrong with blurring the boundaries somewhat for the sake of healing. She already knows this and has already done so. What she needs to know from me is that I am willing to give up any future relationship with her for the sake of my healing. I need to heal so that I can be whole enough to use my gift of reading people to help others. In the current broken state I'm in, I can't do that because I must be open to others to use it. Right now, I am only open to T, H, and four friends of mine. My healing is vital to fulfilling my purpose here on earth for the time I'm here.

If a beautiful friendship develops between me and T, bonus. And if not, we will be involved in one of the most powerful therapeutic relationships we've ever been in. There will be a new story: M and H.

[WePow]

This is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing!!!!

[bluemountains]

What a beautiful story you shared!
I personally find it very hard to give it to God, too. I am always amazed at how people can let go of the anxiety, but they are the ones who are always relaxed and smiling. In my prayers every night, I ask for peace from my thoughts.
Your post has reminded me to live for the moment, advice that we get here a lot!

Bluemountains

[Chopin99]

Yeesh...why is it now that I go see T in an hour, I'm nervous? Geez.

I got what I'm going to say and I'm going to say it.

Dammit.