Okay to bring up anger at T in session?

I have learned a lot since my last session (reference my last post on lessons learned). But I am quite angry at T and want to let her have it in a manner of sorts. This is what I wrote tonight as my possible agenda for session tomorrow putting it all out there:

1. I need to clarify for the sake of my own sanity. Last Wednesday when I asked you about the possibility of a post-therapy association, you said that a therapist is supposed to wait two years before having a relationship with a former client, but if a former client called you and wanted to catch up and a casual relationship developed where you met to talk or went out to lunch, you’d consider it. *Once I brought up Jeff’s concerns, you said you could see where talking about it before the end of the therapy might cause a bias in either party, so you said you wouldn't discuss it until my therapy was over. *On Friday, you stated that you thought you were clear on Wednesday that a post-therapy relationship would never happen. Then you stated that if God wanted us to be friends He would ensure it happens and to have faith. Tell me the truth about your thought processes related to this matter. I deserve the truth.
2.*Since Friday, things are becoming clear to me. Up until then, I had actually begun to think that I was special; that I really meant something to you as a person. That I really wouldn't lose you. That one day when I was well, I wouldn't have to be in a mentally unhealthy state and pay to see you once in a while. I thought you were different. I thought you trusted me and saw me as the fellow mental health professional I am. You have preached equality to me, but you see us as inherently unequal, something my sector of the mental health industry is trying to change. Obviously, I was wrong and will always be seen as a client and a source of income for you. Once I'm well, you may always love me as you say, but I no longer hold your interest as a human being or fellow professional. Or maybe I was just deluding myself all along and you play your role as caring therapist then go home and be who you really are, just like my first therapist. I remember the time you said you were trying to come up with the word discernment and the word that kept coming to your mind was deception. Freudian slip?
3.*Stop trying to force your mainstream evangelical views on me. *I am a born-again Christian; however, there are certain tenets you believe in to which I don’t ascribe. I have been trying to go through the motions because I thought it would help. I tried to change my beliefs, but that isn't working for me.
4. *As an LPC, you have skills training and education in dealing with mental health issues. As a person of your age, you have life experience. That being said, you are not an expert regarding me.*I know*myself better than anyone else. The dynamic of you giving me advice that I follow without question is not working for me. You were simply feeding into my dependency on you. *From now on, I will question and challenge you on what is best for me.
5. You managed to break down my walls and I allowed myself to trust you on a deep and personal level. At first, I thought this was safe and would help me heal; however, I now realize this was a serious error in judgment on my part. I will attempt to trust, but with reservation and skepticism.
6.*For me to continue therapy with you, you must agree to help me with the following short-term goals:

1. To learn how to attach to you in a healthy manner. *Apparently, I formed a codependent attachment, which you fed into.*I need to develop a healthy relationship with you to make progress.*
2. To learn how to have healthy relationships with those in my life already. *I am a loyal person and I am*not removing anyone out of my life until I learn the source of any problems*and see if changes in my life help.
3. Until I learn how to have healthy relationships, there is no use trying to make new friendships. *However, I will begin to research avenues of meeting new people in anticipation of meeting goals 1 and 2.
4. To learn not to depend so much on the opinions and reactions of others to make decisions.
5. To start an exercise regimen to improve my mental and physical health and lose 15-20 pounds.

Thoughts?

I just realized in replying to Soup's post asking why we keep going to see our T's that for the first time in a long time, I love myself. I love myself enough to stand up for myself. To try to find out why T is inconsistent and that my anger deserves to be heard and acknowledged. I am just as worthy as anyone else of healing and understanding. We all are!

((((((Chopin))))))

First off, I think it is MORE than okay to bring up anger at T...I think it is NECESSARY for healing. My ruptures and repairs with T (and I had a LOT, especially in the 2nd and 3rd years of my therapy) have taught me more than almost anything else in therapy, and our hard work together working through the ruptures is one of the reasons we have such a close relationship.

As for the quote above...I think it's so important to tell her that you feel like that, but I wanted to also present another view. I have read that not only are relationships post-therapy not considered ethical for 2 years, but that even PLANNING on a post-therapy relationship is considered a dual-relationship. It seems that she is concerned enough about your healing and well-being that she is willing to follow those guidelines.

My T has told me that he never has a different relationship with his clients after therapy, because he wants to always be available as their T. I am positive that I am more than a client and source of income to my T...it's just a boundary that he has that he cares enough about his clients to stick to.

It seems like a lot of your distress is coming from not understanding why her story changed. I hope you can get the answers you need from her so you can find some relief.
to you!

Thanks Tree...the inconsistency is the problem more so than the answer itself. I'm going in 4 hours, I hope I get some answers!

Let us know how you get on - you / we are definitely worthy of healing - Soup

I bring up anger at the t all the time. It does not seem to bother the t one bit. Usually they deflect it by not believing it is at them or that they have done anything wrong so they do not usually take it personally. They are impervious because they seem to believe it is really at or due to something else.

Yes, yes we are.

I have a feeling mine will get defensive; that's the way she seemed on Friday. "You're reading into things too much," "My feelings don't change based on how I act," and "You're trying to sabotage your therapy." Well, if you didn't change your answers then try to tell me you didn't say what you DID say, maybe I wouldn't sabotage my therapy, thank you very much!

Hi Chopin!

Reading your original bullet points (I haven't read any further yet), I recognised my own style.

I would often go in with a "charge sheet" and list T's crimes. That was OK on one level, but less satisfactory on another.

I was angry, and these were things I was angry about. But 90% of the iceberg was still under water.

The bulk of the iceberg was, "I was hurt and frightened and I wanted you to make it all right and you didn't. You don't love me enough!"

Which is a very difficult thing for a rational adult to say. (Although there are some people here who would have said exactly that. I envy them, sometimes.) Also, I don't think that would have got me anywhere. T would simply have reiterated her boundaries. And it would have left me powerless.

Anyway, I wasn't able to say it. So I did what all Aspergics do in times of crisis: I made a list. The charge sheet brought things back to specifics and let me reclaim my power.

Oh yes, I love a good list! Today, I didn't even get to most of it. Just parts of # 1 and the first 3 goals. Ended up okay, although I am starting to get sad for some reason (I think because after she gave me a very short hug, she put her hand on my back and kinda pushed me out of her office). Makes me worry that she actually wanted me to terminate with her. But I will sit with it and hopefully it will pass.