Silly thing to post about

This is probably a silly thing to even post about...but, last week- when I went to therapy-- my friend called me in the waiting room---I'm always nervous right before therapy so I thought it would be fine to answer to help calm my nerves and I like being distracted by something when my T comes out to tell me its time for session. Anywho, I stayed on the phone when she said my name and for about 30 seconds when I was still in her room/office. When she said Hi, she said it kinda quick and puzzled. And while I was on the phone she stared at me the whole time. I was actually going to take more time to finish and end the conversation... but, she looked like she really wanted me to hang up... and then haha I thought maybe she was annoyed by it but, then used it as an opportunity for "therapy" as well lol. haha because they are always analyzing everything we do to understand us. Although, I think therapists may think like, every second of every minute my entire attention span should be on therapy- and then when that hours up its all good. haha, Idk I just said to myself--- maybe that was rude?...talking on the phone while in her office. who knows?, I just get so anxious and didnt care at the time. but, like even, when we're in session, I'm paying so sometimes I'm like-- if I want to sit their and doodle and not pay attention to anything you have to say and dissociate-- who cares cus' thats on me-- that'll be my problem to handle.. why do I feel like I have to be the perfect client... I don't feel like caring much about it nemore... I care about therapy but, I'm ready to quit just because I could be using the money for some other important things. This was just a rant I guess- to see if anyone had experiences where they felt 'Rude" or something but, like-- why do we care? we're the ones who are paying and traveling to come see them, lol they should be happy that they can get paid to just sit there and do much of nothing at times, when we dont feel like being as "present."

well, I guess your t is probably older than you since you're in college. A few years ago, there weren't any cell phones. So it can be a weird adjustment for us older folks when people talk on the phone at times that distraction wouldn't have been available.

I think we have an unwritten contract to work together during that 50mins or how ever long, its the adult thing to do, but of course everything is grist for the mill and if you talked about it afterwards then alls well.

i leave my phone in the car when i go to therapy. no sense in bringing it in..because i'm not going to talk or answer it while i am there. same thing for my regular dr, or any other appt i have. & if i am in the middle of a conversation with someone & it ringes chances are i will let it go to voicemail & ignore it.

to me just because i have a cell phone doesn't give me the right to be rude...
there are very few things in my life that need immediate access & response...& really if someone has dies..well it's kinda too late..

my t is a professional..i treat her as one.

the few times i have brought my phone into session was when i had a dog in surgery or was waiting on a call about a friend's dog who needed a ride to surgery etc..that kind of thing...i think it was 2-3 times in 4 years.

but this is me..i guess i am one of those stodgy old people...


question for the OP: what if you went into session & your t did the same to you? or answered her phone in the middle of a session...

Sometimes I really struggle with the feeling of being needy and dependent on my T.
I really hate it and sometimes get the urge to assert my independence and show her I don't need her or try to act all cool/nonchalant about seeing her (when in fact I'm desperate for her attention) I did a similar thing a couple of months ago. I sat just outside the waiting room and took a phone call, and made sure it went past my session start time. In retrospect, I think I was testing T. I wanted her to want to come find me. I felt rude afterwards too...but I guess it came from a place of hurt and I apologized. I don't believe that you intended to be rude. I wonder if maybe both of us were just trying to get our therapists' attention in the wrong way? A protest maybe?

I'm not sure, just my thoughts take care

Most of the drs offices that I go to have signs prohibiting cell phone use in the waiting room. It does sound like you stayed on the phone longer than I would have. I often read on my phone and throw it in my purse the second T comes out to get me. (And I sometimes have trouble getting out of the chair to go in back, so I'm not without my weirdness. lol)

My T says that many people "on the couch" answer their cell phones and/or answer texts on their "glowing rectangles" to which they give "continuous partial attention." He also said that he has seen this behavior at funerals. So I suppose you are not outside the norm.

However, I think your attitude that you are paying your T and she should be so grateful when all she has to do is sit there is a little misguided. I'm a lawyer, and when I'm charging a substantial fee by the hour, it's my job to keep the conversation on task. I suppose I could let people go on and on about irrelevant topics if I wanted to and just be grateful for the extra $$, but I think that's unethical as well as unprofessional. One of my good friends is a family lawyer, and when her clients start in on wanting her to fight over property that's worth about $100 (like a used XBox), she tells them that she could call up the other attorney and hash it out, or the person could just go by a new Xbox and it would still end up costing her less.

I don't see it any differently for a T. Her job is to help you heal, and letting you believe that yakking on your cell or just sitting there engaging in b.s. is not necessarily doing that (with respect for the fact that some sessions need to be "rest" or about connection for some people for some times).

Anne

One of the problems with all of this technology is that people haven't worked out the etiquette yet. There are times to use your cell phone, and there are times it needs to be put away. Every doctor's office I use has signs asking you to go outside if you need to use your phone. Movie theaters, stage performances, etc. expect you to turn off your phone. Personally I think they should be off in restaurants.

If I had an appointment with someone and I was talking on my cell phone when they came to get me, I would immediately tell the person I was talking to that I needed to go, I'll call you later. To continue to talk on the phone at that point is pretty rude. Personally, I don't think it is okay to be rude just because we are paying for a service. Do you think it is okay to be rude to a waiter or a cashier, etc. because you are paying for a service? If so, it may be time for you to get a job in as service industry and see how it feels to be on the receiving end.

I browse the internet or check email while I'm waiting then put it away when I'm called into any appointment. I keep it on silent. I have only answered my phone one time in therapy because work called me three times back to back and thought it was an emergency. It "kind of" was, but I told the person calling that I was in an appointment and I'd run by work after it was over and hung up.

T understood completely.

I will check my email and stuff in the waiting room if I am early. About 5 or so minutes before my appointment time, my phone gets shut off.

Even on silent, my phone vibrates, and if I am in the middle of something really emotional, that would give me a great excuse to push it all away.

I have only had my phone on one time in session, and only because T told me to turn it back on. I had a friend in crisis because her son was in the hospital. T felt it was better for me to be able to help my friend than to have my phone off.

I just feel like if you have an appointment, whether you are paying for it or not, it's rude to sit on your phone and chat.

I am totally one of those ppl who freak out if someone texts me in the middle of an in person conversation.... stuff like that...so iin my every day life..I never answer the phone when I am in the middle of talking to someone, I don't really text either. It was just a moment I had at therapy I guess. ...

Yea, cus I don't really act that way in my every day life. So much of what you said resonated with how I felt in that moment...becus, at the end of the day, I don't want to be needy about my T...so, in order to not be...sometimes I go above and beyond to act like all is well without her. I still care but, idk. just thanks.

Well, I have worked in retail and in restaurants and as a secretary. And I know exactly how it feels... the way you worded it makes it sound like I'm saying we all have the right to be rude... maybe I just didn't know how to explain how I felt really well. ... but, every person deserves respect.

I'm pretty sure my T would forbid this. And quite right too!