[SoupDragon]

I know I know him, I know I have been in that room with him before - but both T and the room seem cold and unfriendly and strange. T actually asked me if he looked different to me and I said that yes he did.

I hadn't e-mailed T in a while, so I tried doing that to see whether I could get the familiar warm feelings back, but it hasn't worked.

Does anyone know what is going on here? Have I just gone off T?

[roads]

Why in the world would he ask you whether he looked different? Did he think he did?
Strange.... Weird!

Roadrunner

Since it doesn't seem to have been precipitated by a specific event, I kinda think it's temporary. Were you feeling closer to him? Could this just be part of the normal forward/backward of therapy? Sounds like he didn't change, but your perception of him did. I would guess it's just a temporary withdrawing on your part because of uncomfortable feelings, but I may just be projecting my own "stuff". When he answered your question, did you discuss this at at all?

[sittingatwatersedge]

what's different? Did he start parting his hair in the middle (or maybe he had no hair and now does, or vice versa)? Or he had a gap between his front teeth and no longer does - or vice versa? Maybe he had a shiner lol

he lost weight? Bought elevator shoes? started wearing a girdle ? wow I never realized how many things can change, I think I should stop!

(is he a blonde now instead of a redhead? shaved his mustache? Got an earring? a tattoo that says.... well what would a T's tattoo say, but "Mom "...)

Originally Posted by roadrunnerbeepbeep

Why in the world would he ask you whether he looked different? Did he think he did?
Strange.... Weird!

Roadrunner

I suspect that T could tell that Soup was reacting to him in a different way than usual. Or maybe in the context of whatever is going on currently in therapy he anticipated that reaction. A good T can be amazing at what they pick up from us that we're not conscious of.

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

what's different? Did he start parting his hair in the middle (or maybe he had no hair and now does, or vice versa)? Or he had a gap between his front teeth and no longer does - or vice versa? Maybe he had a shiner lol

he lost weight? Bought elevator shoes? started wearing a girdle ? wow I never realized how many things can change, I think I should stop!

(is he a blonde now instead of a redhead? shaved his mustache? Got an earring? a tattoo that says.... well what would a T's tattoo say, but "Mom "...)

lol Yes! All that and more - I thought to myself:

"...who is this creature with terrible claws
and terrible teeth in his terrible jaws?
he has knobbly knees and turned out toes
and a poisonous wart at the end of his nose.
His eyes are orange, his tongue is black,
he has purple prickles all over his back"

So yes he did look different and I couldn't possibly share all that with him, he may have been offended (do T's ever get offended I wonder?)

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by TheBunnyWithin

I suspect that T could tell that Soup was reacting to him in a different way than usual. Or maybe in the context of whatever is going on currently in therapy he anticipated that reaction. A good T can be amazing at what they pick up from us that we're not conscious of.

Yes BunnyWithin, I think that is what happened. I was just not feeling right and felt really uncomfortable there. I said it felt like I hadn't been there in a long time which is when T asked me if the room appeared different to me - he then added whether he himself appeared different and I confirmed that he did - we did not discuss it any further.

I just don't want to feel so distant from him and don't know how to get closer and stop this unfamiliarity stuff. But maybe it is unconscious stuff going on - maybe we are done with the 2 years of "small talk" and the only stuff left to discuss is the more difficult stuff. But I would like to feel closer to T in order to do this - hmm a thought, maybe it is by feeling less close that it becomes easier to talk about difficult stuff?????

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

I know I know him, I know I have been in that room with him before - but both T and the room seem cold and unfriendly and strange. T actually asked me if he looked different to me and I said that yes he did.

I hadn't e-mailed T in a while, so I tried doing that to see whether I could get the familiar warm feelings back, but it hasn't worked.

Does anyone know what is going on here? Have I just gone off T?

How about focusing on the fact that you know him, you've been in that room before and it was a brain cramp that your t picked up on and commented on.
Some day you will look back on this and it will all seem funny?

A possibility?

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

How about focusing on the fact that you know him, you've been in that room before and it was a brain cramp that your t picked up on and commented on.
Some day you will look back on this and it will all seem funny?

A possibility?

Yes brain cramp - I like that . Definitely a possibility thanks mcl6136 - Soup

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

I just don't want to feel so distant from him and don't know how to get closer and stop this unfamiliarity stuff. But maybe it is unconscious stuff going on - maybe we are done with the 2 years of "small talk" and the only stuff left to discuss is the more difficult stuff. But I would like to feel closer to T in order to do this - hmm a thought, maybe it is by feeling less close that it becomes easier to talk about difficult stuff?????

I had something like this and I never did get to the bottom of it.
Let us know if you figure it out!

[Sannah]

I know exactly what you are talking about. Will you go back and continue discussing this with him and ask him questions on what it means?

Could it be that you are afraid to get closer so you are pushing him away?

[granite1]

my T asked me how i was seeing her once .she was concerned that what i was seeing was not who she was or even how she looked and i try to remember that because once she was so scary to me that she didn't look like her at all she was differnt.she wasnt my T.could this be why he would ask this.

I think what you're describing is pretty common for some people in therapy, Soup. I know that early on in my own therapy, I would often sit in therapy thinking, "Who the heck is this person? She sure doesn't look or sound like the person who was here last week when I came." But over time I learned that it was inside of me that the shifting and changing perceptions of my therapist came from. It took me a while to realize that she stayed the same . . . she remained consistent no matter what.

Now when this happens to me, and yes, it still happens but a LOT less frequently, I've learned to be more curious about what happened . . .what triggered the change in perception deep inside of me. And I've learned to be a lot more open talking to her about how she has changed in my eyes. It's lead to some pretty interesting and eye opening discussions. Good luck with exploring this aspect of your relationship with your therapist!

[happiedasiy]

I can tell when my T is taking his meds and when hes' not.
I'm talking about pain meds he has a bad back. I often have to remind him of his posture and he chuckles. In the begining of every session he sits straight up then slowly he starts to slouch in his chair by the middle of our session he's almost on the floor! I have also told him that his furniture sucks (then I covered my mouth saying oh that was reallly inappropiate) and his chair is contributing to his lower back pain, comparing it to a tolite, not ergonomically correct. Of course I apologized for being so forward, he chuckled and said no your right.
I've given him some simple muscle exercises for lower back pain but also warned him these may cause some pain and inflamation afterwardws. We have a 10 year relationship so I wouldn't recomend this to anyone but it does show that trust and being open with your T is possible!

[confuseduk]

Oh help, oh no! It's not T it's a Gruffalo! is this the first time you've seen him since the holidays?

Something similar happened to me after the last Christmas break, Soup. T went away for ten days, and when she came back, I just couldn't connect on any level. I didn't recognise her, or my feelings, or myself. It was really unnerving and horrible and it went on for several weeks. I vascillated between accepting it ('this will pass') and doing anything to try to kick start my old feelings ('let's talk on the phone, I'll tell you I love you, let's do a problem analysis...'). I'm not even sure how it got better in the end. But I do know that it *did* get better- better than it had ever been even before the disconnection.

I hope this passes for you

[SoupDragon]

Sannah: Yes I will try and discuss this with my T at the next session. It may be that I am afraid, I was also just wondering whether the change in perception is because I am getting more ready to share??

Granite1: Yes maybe this is a common experience and T sensed something in me (they are good at that aren't they?)

Jaybird: Yes I do think that something maybe changing - it is a little unnerving

HappieDasiy: Thanks for sharing that and highlighting the possibilities for me and T

Confuseduk: It was my 2nd visit since Xmas. However I had a hard week with T the week before so maybe I was more guarded??

Improving: Yes! I have felt like kick starting the feelings, I want them back, I don't like feeling distant - so I emailed T (rather heart heartedly). It would be great if the feelings returned for me too and that they were better.

This is taking a huge leap of faith for me right now - I don't feel anxious about going to see T, just not at all inspired / motivated - right now I would rather watch paint dry. Part of me is staying to stop wasting my money and that I have disengaged, but there is another bit of me that is saying what if this is part of the process? So I shall make myself go and be interested in my boredom and disengagement from T.

Thanks for all your input - Soup