[zooropa]

I guess she's not really my new T anymore, she's just T.

Anyway. You may recall that I had a previous relationship with this T wherein she was my case manager and ultimately referred me to DBT 3+ years ago. And in some ways it has been good, the fact that she knows me and I know her. It feels comfortable that way.

But in all the time I knew her (not actually doing therapy, mostly doing crisis management at the time) I didn't really open up to her. I certainly didn't DISCLOSE anything to her. And one of my big HUGE concerns since things fell apart with dbt-T and me was wondering what she would tell to who and when and how. It drove me nuts, seeing my chart on new-Ts desk, knowing there were session notes in there from ex-T, wondering what they said, how many of my secrets they hold.

So, I saw T today. I disclosed to her some things that it took me TWO YEARS of weekly individual and group sessions to be able to tell dbt-T. It took me that long and it was SO HARD to tell her. Today, it wasn't easy, not by far. My throat closed up, my hands shook, my scalp crawled. And I just kept going. I got out the silly putty dbt-t gave me, the one I carry in my purse, and I played with it and I told T what I was feeling and in between telling her that I just kept telling her the part of the story that I was trying to tell.

It wasn't easy, but it was miles and MILES easier than telling for the first time. It really was.

And after I got home, yes, I cried because it hurt. Cried because I wanted to talk to dbt-t about having told T, cried because I want to tell her and to have her be proud of me, to know she knows how huge that was for me. I cried and then I stopped crying. And I guess...I guess that's life. You cry, and you don't cry, and that's it. That's life. I'm doing it.

[roads]

Oh, yes, zoo, you are doing it. ** gentle hugs ((( zoo ))) sitting near **
and you are amazing to be doing this & coming home & telling about it.
This is so huge.

I'm so proud to be here & hear you say these things.

Roadrunner

[Joanna_says]

You were so brave and did such a great thing! You should be very proud of yourself!

And thank you for sharing! I will keep it in mind when I have problems talking the next time.

[Sannah]

Good Work Zoo

[Chopin99]

You are learning and growing and doing great work to heal. You should be proud of yourself!

[taylor43]

Good work ((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))

[rainbow8]

It made me feel good to read about your progress, zoo. I found it easier to open up to a new T, too. It's easier to tell things the second or third time around. You're doing great, though I know how much you miss dbt-t.

(((((((zoo)))))))