I ended up calling my T today because I just could not stop crying. I ended up crying on the telephone with the clerk of the Supreme Court in our state. Ugh. Stopdog is currently thinking, "THAT'S ANOTHER good reason to avoid emotions." Right there with you today, Stopdog.

I have ALWAYS been able to turn off my emotions when I wanted to. Just not feel when I really needed to get something done. Stupid T. Stupid therapy.

So I called my T and the stupid receptionist just put me through to him instead of letting me leave a message. Stupid, stupid receptionist. So I told him about the whole crying thing and he asked me what I thought that was about. ??? REALLY??? **** you, I don't HAVE emotions like this usually, how the hell do I know? I'm sad? Now I'm angry? What? I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS. Just tell me. I know you know.

So then he starts talking about the huge stressers I have in my life right now, combined with how I"m finally "unstuffing" my emotions and there are going to be some repercussions from that. Hmm. And it didn't occur to you, T, that this might be something you could have warned me about? He said most humans cannot just turn off their emotions and said, "welcome to humanity. it looks good on you." **** you. It does not. My eyes are red, I have snot on my desk and the clerk thinks I'm an idiot. If he'd warned me, I might have save the "unstuffing" for when I'm not already totally stressed out.

And all of that being said, I felt better after talking to him, and was able to stop crying. I hate him. I hate that I actually DON'T hate him. I hate that I love him. I hate that I need him. I hate that I mysteriously feel better after talking to him even though nothing has changed in my life. But I FEEL BETTER, so why do I hate that????

Sorry. I'll stop posting now. I'm being such an attention monger today.

[unaluna]

I l0ve your T!

[granite1]

big hugs comming your way.post as often as you want .i know it sucks when you just start feeling things for no reason out of the blue.

Logically therapy sounds stupid to me - I mean, we usually don't go to therapy until life gets overwhelming, and then the whole thing usually makes us feel WORSE before it makes us feel better!!? How messed up is that? I find the whole thing rather confusing to be honest - if I'm struggling to cope now, how will I cope if everything suddenly gets worse?! Where's the incentive to feel my feelings? I'm very good at compartmentalising my life/emotions (or I used to be before this stupid fricking depression appeared), and the thought of loosing that ability (which can be very useful) is concerning.

I'm sorry that you're struggling at the moment My kids are cool, but I'm glad T made you feel better (even if it's all his fault for getting you in touch with your emotions in the first place!)

*Willow*

Originally Posted by hankster

I l0ve your T!

You and me both, hankster. That's so irritating!

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

I ended up crying on the telephone with the clerk of the Supreme Court in our state.

I hope he or she was understanding.

The heart can be quite good at knowing who is safe to cry to.

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I hope he or she was understanding.

The heart can be quite good at knowing who is safe to cry to.

She seemed disconcerted. I'm guessing it's pretty rare for an attorney to start weeping on the phone. Ugh.

[stopdog]

Naw. It just shows how much you care about your case