Eye contact in therapy

This is SO true! Yes, their eyes give them away.

I think therapists believe that they're pretty opaque to us most of the time. But they're human. They often can't disguise their reactions, though it's in the best interest of the work to pay some attention to that.

Here's the thing - I WANT the therapist to exercise judment as I'm discussing my issues. I need a moral anchor. Some hippy dippy dude who was all, "Whatever you want to do, man," would be utterly worthless to me. But I bristle at an approach that feels judgmental. It's such a fine line.

My old T would have looks of disgust that would cross his face. Sometimes they were very quick (microexpressions maybe), but they were unmistakable. I mentioned a transgendered celebrity once, and my T looked like he was going to lose his lunch just at the mention of the person's name. He recovered quickly, but it was too late - I saw it! Fortunately my issue didn't have anything to do with transgender stuff. But how would a client feel around that guy if they had something like that?

When I was telling my T something I considered really shameful and disgusting about me, he insisted that I look at him when he was responding. He wanted me to see his face and his eyes while he was talking to me.

When I saw him Tuesday and we talked about my father in law, I wasn't looking at him much, until I told him that I knew that he must feel a huge sense of loss as well, because he saw my father in law in therapy for a number of years and he really liked my father in law. I told him I was sorry for his loss as well, and my T teared up and thanked me. He didn't seem at all embarrassed by his emotional response either. Which again, is totally how I want to be when I grow up.

I think sometimes I don't want to look my T in the eyes because then he'll see how much I love him. Mostly it's not the "in love" kind of love, but sometimes it is.

"I think sometimes I don't want to look my T in the eyes because then he'll see how much I love him. Mostly it's not the "in love" kind of love, but sometimes it is."

So spot on MKAC. I think that is also part of why I so want to be able to hold my Ts gaze better, because Ts eyes are so full of compassion and caring, and I want to be able to hold onto that.

I talk to my T through his tall bookshelf to the right or at the rug. When he's talkin I can make short eye contact.... But I he looks somewhere other than me while talking I can look at him....wait that's not eye contact. Hmmm new issue!