Am I wrong to have expected a follow up>

After my terrible session yesterday when the t left a message with the pdoc, I felt pretty deserted when neither the t nor the pdoc followed up today with me. I am much better, and I guess I would have taken the necessary actions had I not felt this way; however, I was a total wreck all day yesterday and now I feel like my T's care and compassion only was good for the hour I was paying for.

Am I wrong/selfish to feel this way? I don't expect much from the pdoc because she is in and out in 10 minutes, but the t had me let down my guard enough to believe that she really does care when she said she was concerned. I was more vulnerable with her yesterday than I have ever been.

Maybe I truly do only get what I pay for! Anyway, I'm now thinking of quitting therapy because I can feel miserable at home just as well as at the t's office.

Bluemountains

You are not wrong nor selfish to feel that way-you are a real person with real feelings. I would be feeling the same way. However, give your t the benefit of the doubt and discuss this with her at your next session.

blue...my T doesn't ever just email or call to check on me...even in hard times. I have to ask for what I need from her. I have gotten upset because of that, but she is trying to teach me to ask for what I want/need. Many times we think people can read our minds, but they can't. My H is a great example. He doesn't take hints or pick up on blatant cues, but as soon as I ask for something, he is right there doing whatever I ask. T usually accommodates me within reason also.

If you need your T or Pdoc, call/email/text...whatever you do to get in touch with them. If you don't, don't feel bad.

And you know we're here on PC and we care. I'm glad to hear your feeling better, but do I understand your frustration!

My therapist is really big on me ASKING for what I need as well. He doesn't call me just to check on me, even when he tells me afterward that he REALLY wanted to call. If he calls when he is worried or because he wants to call, he thinks that is about him and his needs, and that is not the point of therapy.

I wonder is it's a "thing" they don't do, unless a really really extreme circumstance. Like Chopin said, we call them, they don't call us. Plus there is always the privacy issue - a NON-understanding H or boss asking, who is this that called? And whether or not they are sympathetic is beside the point; t can't exactly leave a message if we don't answer "hey how are you after your freakout in my office yesterday - call me back!" not good! But i'm sure T was thinking about you.

Thanks, friends, as usual you help me to make it make sense. I really do wonder, though, if I don't need a break. I spend so much energy trying to figure out how to get better and attending appointments that I get down from the too slow progress. Have you found that a break is helpful?
Bluemountains

((((((bluemountains))))))

Early in therapy, after really hard appointments when my phone would ring, I would rush to see who it was, because I thought it might be T calling to check on me. I mean, that's what people DO.

But it's not what therapists do (or not many).

I finally got used to the fact that if I needed support, I would have to call him. And I finally learned that his lack of calling wasn't because he didn't care. It had to do with professional boundaries, and with helping me learn that my needs can be met, but only if I ask. It was actually kind of a painful lesson to learn (and I'm still learning it!), but a good one, because I can CLEARLY see the difference in my real life now with my H and my friends. My relationships are totally different than they were pre-therapy, in a good way.

If you need T, can you call? It's really really really hard to sit with stuff for a week sometimes.

As for breaks - I have taken a break, and it's been good...I needed space to get some perspective, and I needed to save some money, and it was just a good time therapy-wise to step away for a month.

And I've been TEMPTED to take a break when therapy feels too hard. But those are the times it's most important to go. I'm RIGHT. THERE. right now, and I so so so get how hard it is. I've been here before and I KNOW it gets better, but we have to keep. showing. up.

Thinking of you

You know this is difficult. A lot of us go into therapy 'infantized'. In the beginning of my therapy I felt the same way you do. T would say after an extremely difficult session when I was still suffering suicidle idolation that I did know I could phone her. But I didn't want that, I wanted her to reach out to me, to worry about me, that was the only way I felt caring could be measured.

Some yrs on, as painful as the growing up was, its actually the most caring thing anyone can do for someone else, not to continue to infantize but to get someone to be responsible for their own wellbeing and do what they need to do to help that, ie if I feel that awful to contact T. But I use to 'punish' her/my parents by not contacting her, by letting it build up and then creating an even bigger crisis. An almost a if I kill myself it will be your thought! I can see now just how immature that was and how no one deserves that 'punishment' and besides, as an adult no one can be punished accept myself.

I know some may not agree with what I say but my I have been where others are and I know the thinking that underpinned it and what really helped me and what didn't.

Thanks nightsky and earthmamma, Your comments are exactly right pertaining to my situation. My t does allow communication, and I will send her an email today to let her know I feel better. As for the "infant" stage, earthmamma, you are right, this is the stage never seem to advance beyond because I fall into the I'm not "loved" place. This time I plan to stick with the therapy and try to mature beyond this stage.
Thank you!
Bluemountains

Bluemountains! You sound like just the sort of person therapy suits, having the inner strength to want to get past old stuff that no longer honours who we have become! Well done x

I contacted my t be email today, and she followed up with a response. I feel better about all that is going on now.
Bluemountains