[learning1]

I got up my courage to email t this morning after a horrible session on Tuesday. I just said I was upset and asked if I could talk to him earlier than my next session, which was a month from now. He emailed back in less than 5 minutes and asked if he could call me in an hour or two . I've never talked to him on the phone before so he surprised me and went a long way to changing my feeling from the last session that he didn't think my issues matter. The imaginary t voice in my head turned supportive again.

I didn't want to talk to him on the phone while I'm at work, so I emailed and asked to just schedule an earlier appointment. He gave me almost my usual time in two weeks. So now I have two weeks to figure out how I'm going to explain what I was upset about . I don't think it will be too hard to tell him I thought he didn't think my issues mattered since he suggested meeting less often. At least I hope he won't give me a hard time about that, but it seems like he cares now.

Telling him the part where it seems like he's not paying attention to what I'm saying about difficulties with my mother growing up will be pretty hard. I can't tell him I want his sympathy for that 'cuz it's too f****d up to want that if he doesn't think it's worth sympathy on his own. Thank go* for admitting f****d up feelings anonymously online.

But maybe I could tell him I'm upset he kept pushing me to tell my sister I feel bad about fighting with her growing up. (I gave him a letter where I wrote that but I kept telling him there's no way I can talk to her about it in real life and he kept pushing me anyway.) And the reason I think I can't talk to her is that she's so close to my Mom, and I've always had difficulties with Mom. So that might bring up the topic. I hope I have the courage to get up and leave if he's mean about it. I wonder if it's a really bad idea to be bringing up a difficult topic with a t I think is really mean sometimes.

[growlycat]

Originally Posted by learning1

Thank go* for admitting f****d up feelings anonymously online.

You aren't alone on that one!!!! This is a current issue w/me--am I having disturbing memories just to get T's attention and care? On some level I think I am. I know I am. I would probably
TRIGGER______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________hurt myself if I thought I'd get a hug. Makes me feel horribly about myself but therapy dredges up weird S*h*i*T

Here's to all who know what I mean!!!

[unaluna]

Wow. so like wow. waddya effin know. the old coot DOES have a heart??!!

[granite1]

i think i would do what i could to muster up the courrage to talk to him about the fact that you feel is is sometimes mean and makes you feel that your issues are unimportant.i am glad that he contacted you back and was able to see you earlier.maybe this is the first attempt to have a closer connection to him

Originally Posted by learning1

I wonder if it's a really bad idea to be bringing up a difficult topic with a t I think is really mean sometimes.

Learning...this may be what you really need to talk about... maybe you should talk about what support you would like to have when you talk about something that hurts you... maybe you could ask him what support he can provide... maybe you could ask him why he isn't able to provide that support (if he says he can't)... IMO, I think you need to tell him that your perception of his response is preventing you from talking about the hurts from the past that are affecting you now...

I think his response to all of this would help you decide if t. is really being "mean".

[learning1]

Originally Posted by granite1

i think i would do what i could to muster up the courrage to talk to him about the fact that you feel is is sometimes mean and makes you feel that your issues are unimportant.i am glad that he contacted you back and was able to see you earlier.maybe this is the first attempt to have a closer connection to him

Originally Posted by Readytostop

Learning...this may be what you really need to talk about... maybe you should talk about what support you would like to have when you talk about something that hurts you... maybe you could ask him what support he can provide... maybe you could ask him why he isn't able to provide that support (if he says he can't)... IMO, I think you need to tell him that your perception of his response is preventing you from talking about the hurts from the past that are affecting you now...

I think his response to all of this would help you decide if t. is really being "mean".

Thanks. I think I'll see if I can do that and not jump into difficult stuff too fast.

[dazeofdolphins]

Good job for requesting another session. You are half way through your yo yo. Now think about what you would like from him and how you would like to feel when you leave at the end of your next session. Make that your priority and include him in this by making a plan with him that will allow you to actually and truly feel the way you want to when you leave that session. When you make your plan with him, I think it will naturally become clear to both of you what you will need to discuss or not discuss to make that happen. Then, purposely become clock watchers for that one session only and do check-ins every 10 to 15 minutes to see if you are on track. When there are about 10 minutes left in the session, specifically yell him what needs to happen in order to feel how you want to feel in 10 minutes. Maybe you will be right on track and not need anything. Or, maybe you will need to tell him that he needs to do or say something specific to make you feel a certain way. You can guide him and actually say: "I need you to tell me I matter". Seriously, it may feel weird or awkward to direct your therapist but it can also be really helpful to the work for both of you. If you decide to do this, I'd love to hear back via a PM to find out how it went
You're in my thoughts-
dazeofdolphins

[dazeofdolphins]

Oops, I forgot to check for errors and did not proof read this before I sent it. I ended up making a major boo boo by saying "yell" not "tell". I'm really sorry. No, you should not yell at him. Tell him instead. Definitely a Freudian slip. My bad.

Originally Posted by dazeofdolphins

Good job for requesting another session. You are half way through your yo yo. Now think about what you would like from him and how you would like to feel when you leave at the end of your next session. Make that your priority and include him in this by making a plan with him that will allow you to actually and truly feel the way you want to when you leave that session. When you make your plan with him, I think it will naturally become clear to both of you what you will need to discuss or not discuss to make that happen. Then, purposely become clock watchers for that one session only and do check-ins every 10 to 15 minutes to see if you are on track. When there are about 10 minutes left in the session, specifically yell him what needs to happen in order to feel how you want to feel in 10 minutes. Maybe you will be right on track and not need anything. Or, maybe you will need to tell him that he needs to do or say something specific to make you feel a certain way. You can guide him and actually say: "I need you to tell me I matter". Seriously, it may feel weird or awkward to direct your therapist but it can also be really helpful to the work for both of you. If you decide to do this, I'd love to hear back via a PM to find out how it went
You're in my thoughts-
dazeofdolphins

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by dazeofdolphins

Oops, I forgot to check for errors and did not proof read this before I sent it. I ended up making a major boo boo by saying "yell" not "tell". I'm really sorry. No, you should not yell at him. Tell him instead. Definitely a Freudian slip. My bad.

VERRRRRY interrrresting, my dear dolphin! But I vote for yelling... which for me means, just SAYING anything even SLIGHTLY demanding or critical. I have a very low yell threshold.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by learning1

I didn't want to talk to him on the phone while I'm at work, so I emailed and asked to just schedule an earlier appointment.

Myself, I would have welcomed the chance to speak to him as soon as possible, work or no work.

[learning1]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Myself, I would have welcomed the chance to speak to him as soon as possible, work or no work.

I don't have a reliable private place to talk at work. Sometimes I can make a private call but it depends if a room is free. Maybe there's some way I could arrange it, but I don't know how and it would probably take complicated arrangements from me and t. Plus, I need time to get focused on real life after t.

[Wren_]

i'm really glad he offered the phonecall and you got your appointment changed to two weeks instead of four ... but he really needs to know he isn't allowed to be mean to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (send tigers after him if he keeps that up) even if he doesn't think he needs sympathy or support himself; this is about your needs and you do need support and help with your family

[jazzy123456]

not sure what to say but, i can relate