[childofyen]

My T has mentioned ending therapy a couple of times in the past month, kind of in an off the cuff way. Sort of, "if you keep this up you won't need therapy much longer!" What really struck me about the most recent session, though, was that she also said my friends don't know me very well. It got me thinking about how I don't feel like she knows me well, either. And thinking she doesn't know me well makes me wonder if I should quit with this T and find a new one. I mean, while she's sitting there thinking I'm better and is getting ready for closure, I'm over here feeling like I'm not doing a good job of letting her in and still feeling like she doesn't know me. Bummer.

So, is she making statements about ending therapy to see if I'll speak up against it? I feel like I should keep quiet and let her end it. I mean, if I can't open up to her after a year, will I be able to open up now just because she's threatening to end our sessions? I'm completely out of my mind this week and I have no idea what to think about this relationship. I feel like I'm just a bad client. Any advice or insight?

Originally Posted by childofyen

I mean, if I can't open up to her after a year, will I be able to open up now just because she's threatening to end our sessions? I'm completely out of my mind this week and I have no idea what to think about this relationship. I feel like I'm just a bad client. Any advice or insight?

I just recently stopped therapy with my T. because I felt like I couldn't get any further with my t. Now looking back over it, I would have done one thing differently. I would have asked for a progress/where we are at/where we are going session. one where I could say what I thought I learned so far...what I still saw as issues...what did t see as issues and what could T. help me do in session regarding those things?.... Your t is only going to know what you tell them...they can't read minds... I hope you find a way to talk to your t. about it..

[unaluna]

Hi coy, long time no see! I'm glad the where are the MIA's we miss you thread brought some of our friends back! Did you see CrazyCanBeGood's thread on how do I handle disappointment in my T? I and others were very eloquent in it (no brag, just fact!) about why and how to talk things out, that I think would apply here. Missed you!

[learning1]

coy, that might be similar in some ways to what I'm going through with my t now. your subject line sure caught my eye, because it seems like my t is pushing me out the door now. he keeps suggesting a longer amount of time between sessions. maybe he's right idk. It kind of hurts when he suggests it, and I worry I'm being dependent on him for no good reason. On the other hand, I gave him a letter about some family stuff last session that I really don't think should count as nothing. It sure doesn't sound like you're experiencing "nothing" either. When you said you're completely out of your mind this week, do you mean because of t? Or other things going on? Either way, it's not nothing. Well, I've been in the same boat as you, wondering if it means I need a new t who is more sensitive to what I'm trying to tell him. But I emailed and told him I'm upset and he offered to call me within a couple of hours, and I've never talked to him on the phone before! It made me feel somewhat better even though I can't actually talk to him on the phone while I'm at work. So now I'm thinking he was pushing me to tell him when I'm hurt/ let him in. I'm still not sure and I won't talk to him until next week, so I'll be looking forward to reading some more about how your situation develops. I hope you get to talk to your t soon so that at least you won't have to wonder for too long.

I think as a T I've been here with clients. The longer client's put on a front, and present me with "fine" weeks, I trust them. There is a delicate balance in trying to trust what your client presents to you instead of doubt them, but also making sure you are looking for shield and fronts. This is where we rely on the client to say "Whoa I'm not done!" Have had that a few times. "Oh! Ok, well let's see where you are at and where I am at and what we have left to do and what's standing in the way of us doing that work".

Communication is key, tell T where you are at!

[nannypat]

Depending on your background, it can take that long to establish trust in your T as it did me. That doesn't mean that opening up is now easy. It's not, but I know he will not "reject " me for anything I say.

I really had to look back over that first year and see all the signs that he was trustworthy. They were all there so the next step was mine. Maybe it would help to make a list of all the times T was there for you. The decision to open up is never easy. Ley us know how things are going.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by childofyen

I feel like I'm just a bad client. Any advice or insight?

If you bring your truth and your courage and your honest effort, then you're not a bad client.

[childofyen]

Originally Posted by hankster

Hi coy, long time no see! I'm glad the where are the MIA's we miss you thread brought some of our friends back! Did you see CrazyCanBeGood's thread on how do I handle disappointment in my T? I and others were very eloquent in it (no brag, just fact!) about why and how to talk things out, that I think would apply here. Missed you!

Hey Hankster! I skimmed that thread you mentioned before writing this one. Some of the discussion about exploring motivations etc is what led me to write here. I guess I'm just confused and having trouble explaining here what I'm having trouble explaining in T. I'll take a second look and see if I can pin point what I'm trying to say. Missed you too!

[childofyen]

Originally Posted by stormyangels

I think as a T I've been here with clients. The longer client's put on a front, and present me with "fine" weeks, I trust them. There is a delicate balance in trying to trust what your client presents to you instead of doubt them, but also making sure you are looking for shield and fronts. This is where we rely on the client to say "Whoa I'm not done!" Have had that a few times. "Oh! Ok, well let's see where you are at and where I am at and what we have left to do and what's standing in the way of us doing that work".

Communication is key, tell T where you are at!

Is it possible that I don't know how to communicate with people without this front? I've always felt like my T thinks I'm nicer/happier/friendlier, etc, than I feel... and I think that's because I'm not good at communicating with her. Could I really be putting up a front for months, or am I actually fine and just don't realize it?

[Wren_]

hi coy, it's great to see you what does it mean for you to feel like you can't completely open up with her? is there something she could do or say that would help or do you feel like she is just the wrong person ? could you tell her what you shared here about not feeling like you are letting her in, that she doesn't know you and that ... you want more help? sorry there's so many questions here; just thinking maybe asking yourself some of those might help