differences in what people want/pay for from therapists

I like the appointments where I talk about hard stuff. I want to leave feeling like I've accomplished something. I can't see myself sharing the gory details while we're out and about in public. So it would end up being a "fluffy" session and I hate those.

I wasn't trying to judge/ others therapy or have anyone feel like they should defend their therapy in this thread, just a discussion of the differences in what people are willing to pay the therapist for. I think it is interesting the range of things people find useful or that they are willing to do with/want from a therapist, whether they would be useful for me or not. I was surprised by the number of therapists who seem to combine activities during an appointment. But if it works for someone, good.

i wonder if you'd like it if the therapist would do your chores with you stopdog?

I prefer sitting in the room talking. I totally 100% need privacy and I'd be distracted walking around in a way I wouldn't want. If there was a way to walk around privately, I might for something different, but I don't think it would work as well for me.

But I think for some people it would be great. Some people are "themselves" when they're moving around or working on some logical project, and it would be more comfortable for them to express themselves while doing that.

I'm surprised you found t's that advertise they do walks.

I would not want to pay someone to come along while I did my errands. I would not see the point for me in that.

I was surprised too, but there are a few around here who walk and they put it on their websites. LCSWs and PhDs both.

a point for you could be getting two things done at once. But I'm not saying it's a good idea, idk.

I guess I am not that crunched for time, plus I like doing errands usually. I dread therapy, so why ruin something I like? I would definitely choose, if these were my only choices, to pay do my errands rather than pay to do those of the therapist.

Well, you could make something dreadful less awful by doing something you like during it?

I totally agree about the crossing the street concern though.

No - it would just suck the pleasure out of the good thing. I just don't see the point for why I go to therapy in involving a therapist in my life or me in their life. I might like it if the therapist would sit behind a large desk. OR if there was a desk for me to sit behind. I have not tried one who did that.

Part of it for me is the money - I pay a fairly significant amount of money to the therapist and in return, I expect the attention and focus to be on me for the agreed upon period of time. For me, paying them to eat, doing their errands, doing anything with their pet etc. is not a useful therapeutic interaction. I find where others choose to draw the line interesting.

And the therapist and I probably would not make it more than two or three blocks without one of us getting hit by a bus (me) or falling off a curb (her)

Well, I hope you'll stick to the park!!

LOL my thoughts exactly.

I will stick to offices - better to keep her contained to the one room. But there are stairs....

whenever my T brings her dog in, it feels very therapeutic to me! I love dogs and wish I had one. The dog gets so excited to see me. He is so loving and playful. I can't help but relax when I am tense or feel a little joy when I am so sad.

I saw my T on the street outside his office 3 or 4 times over the past 4 years i've been seeing him, and each time my comfort level with him AND myself is so significantly different - I like having that as a measurement of my progress.

I think there are different therapists with different training and backgrounds and types of clients, etc. The therapeutic relationship is an individual one, despite how "the same" a therapist or client might want it to be; we're not all cut from the same cloth! The therapist likes (or better word probably, responds) to some clients differently than others and clients respond to the therapist differently (so different methods might be needed).

True enough. My interest here was the client's choices.

I think clients, until they have a true working relationship with a therapist are going to want whatever that individual finds pleasant, comfortable, what they individually perceive as what they want and that will differ with the individual. It took me roughly 10 years (with an additional nine more in-between two bouts of therapy with the same therapist) before I figured out how to establish a working relationship with the therapist and then, the next 5-8+ years we worked hard together and I finally succeeded in getting where I wanted to get, "mentally"/emotionally.

My T works out of her house so one time we took a walk around the block, which was nice. Once, my car battery died and I was about 30 minutes from her house via walking distance so I just started walking. It was really hot out and when I called her to say I would be a few minutes late, she got in her car and picked me up - we still laugh about it! Also, she will make hot tea for both of us during the colder months. I still see her as my T but with a human side.

That sounds nice. My T would never do that, saying, "It wouldn't be good for you. You wouldn't grow."

I'd really like to have your T meet my T and listen to their reasons.

My T is very casual with me but it hasn't come without its bumps. She may treat me like a friend, and for the most part, the informality facilitates my sharing with her. But when she messes up, I hold her to a higher standard of wise therapist, not a sometimes self-absorbed, unthinking friend. And of course, she is more prone to mess up when she interacts with me informally.

SPECULATION:

This might be very useful for cases of extreme anxiety. (This doesn't necessarily apply to Sarah Michelle.) For some patients, mundane activities like shopping might be almost impossible. For them, it might be very helpful to go with someone they trust and talk about their feelings afterwards.

I miss my T for several reasons.

Here's a new one: she's my number one intellectual sparring partner. I enjoy a good argument and that's one of the things she provides.

I am willing to pay to have someone who is safe to fight with because they will not take it personally.

It is nice how they fulfill what we need. I hate arguments and sparring, so if my T ever did that with me, I wouldn't last long with him. I wonder if he does that with the clients who like it? We see just a slice of the T--our slice. Who is he with the other people? I've taken a walk with my T, and it was nice. Last time we met, it was so sunny and beautiful outside--T's office overlooks the water--that I commented to my T that it would be great if his office had a deck and we could sit outside. He asked if I wanted to go outside and sit and talk on the docks. I decided not to. I didn't have my dark glasses and I didn't want to be squinting. But he's open to stuff like that. I don't think I'd want to pay to do his errands with him, but I don't think he'd suggest that.

When I was considering adding a second role for T, I wanted to know how it would be to be outside of his office with him. This was something that would help me make up my mind. I had this weird worry that I wouldn't know how to be with him, if we were outside of the office. I didn't tell him this, as it seemed too weird, but we ended up walking to his car together to get something there, and then walking back after we got it. It was really helpful to be outside of the office with him. I found I could be with him just fine outside, and this experience was instrumental in helping me decide to add him in another role. Much later, I told him about that. He was interested.