[stopdog]

I have been noticing some posts where people talk about being with the therapist in different settings and doing things like eating, or the therapist's errands with them (I am not criticizing anyone who likes this - if it works for you great and I am glad you have a professional who will do it with you). My first response is - "Why would I pay them to get to do their errands? I don't even want to pay them to do my errands with me."
Do they not charge for this time if you are doing errands with them?
Is this difference based on difference in personality or on difference in why one sought therapy or a combination?

[mcl6136]

I too have wondered about this. I hope it doesn't sound like a criticism, given that my new motto is "it takes all kinds" HOWEVER, it really surprises me that this happens!

My Ts have always just met with me for 50 minutes and then said, it's time to End! Whether I'm sobbing, laughing, exploding in pain...whatever, I leave and return a week later and that is how I do my work in therapy.

Now, I learn that errands are run, hands are held...lots of things happen that have never happened to me.

And a part of me feels a little rooked, maybe.

On the other hand (yes, I am a naturally ambivilant person) I feel that a constant framework (and a fairly strict one) in therapy suits me fairly well.

So...I come full circle. It does take all kinds but I am still a bit surprised.

Yes...why the difference? Some of the things that occur strike me as stuff where the therapist might even have some liability issues should something happen....but only in some places, I guess.....

I'm kinda curious!

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I have been noticing some posts where people talk about being with the therapist in different settings and doing things like eating, or the therapist's errands with them (I am not criticizing anyone who likes this - if it works for you great and I am glad you have a professional who will do it with you). My first response is - "Why would I pay them to get to do their errands? I don't even want to pay them to do my errands with me."
Do they not charge for this time if you are doing errands with them?
Is this difference based on difference in personality or on difference in why one sought therapy or a combination?

I don't pay for therapy out of pocket so I don't know what I get charged for and what I don't really. Plus he has spent plenty of his own personal time answering my emails, and phone calls on weekends and even on vacation. I think he chose to do it because of my personal issues. I don't think he would do it with all his clients. I am a very laid back client, with my own set of special needs. The fact that he chose to run errands with me was very theraputic to my healing. I started therapy yesterday feeling very aggressive wanting to start a fight with him, and left feeling very comforted and calm.

I have to say, when I read posts where people say they get a lift from their therapist, or run errands or having physical contact, I do wonder. I know in the UK any of that would not be acceptable.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

I don't pay for therapy out of pocket so I don't know what I get charged for and what I don't really. Plus he has spent plenty of his own personal time answering my emails, and phone calls on weekends and even on vacation. I think he chose to do it because of my personal issues. I don't think he would do it with all his clients. I am a very laid back client, with my own set of special needs. The fact that he chose to run errands with me was very theraputic to my healing. I started therapy yesterday feeling very aggressive wanting to start a fight with him, and left feeling very comforted and calm.

hey it worked!!! i say don't mess with success!

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

I don't pay for therapy out of pocket so I don't know what I get charged for and what I don't really. Plus he has spent plenty of his own personal time answering my emails, and phone calls on weekends and even on vacation. I think he chose to do it because of my personal issues. I don't think he would do it with all his clients. I am a very laid back client, with my own set of special needs. The fact that he chose to run errands with me was very theraputic to my healing. I started therapy yesterday feeling very aggressive wanting to start a fight with him, and left feeling very comforted and calm.

But what happened to the aggression? What happens next time you feel it and there's no one to run errands with you? I could be wrong but therapy is about understanding the aggression rather than just soothing it?

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by earthmamma

But what happened to the aggression? What happens next time you feel it and there's no one to run errands with you? I could be wrong but therapy is about understanding the aggression rather than just soothing it?

I agree totally. We talked about it and think its just a med adjustment issue right now.

[likelife]

Although I haven't experienced it myself, I know from friends that eating with a therapist is a pretty standard part of treatment for eating disorders. It's an exposure thing, I think.

Horses for courses, I suppose. I'm perfectly happy with my therapy setup as it is: simply sat across from my T, talking. I do quite like the idea of taking a walk - I imagine on a nice sunny day, somewhere quiet where we could still talk freely without being overheard, that could be nice. I don't see it being something she'd do though. I also think that while I like the idea of it, in practice it mightn't work - maybe too many distractions, and walking alongside someone it wouldn't be as easy to make eye contact... there might be potential confidentiality issues.. IDK. In the therapy room/office we focus on therapy... maybe outside of that 'frame' (?) the lines/boundaries are in danger of becoming blurred..

[stopdog]

I think I was more struck by the idea that the outing had more to do with the therapist than the client. IF it works for someone - great. But the idea of going with the therapist to pick up their kids, dog, dry cleaning or whatever seems like the focus is off of the client to me. It it has therapeutic value, then great, but if it is just a way for the therapist to get chores done at the same time, then I would not like it. I understand the eating disorder thing as that seems like it is obviously for the client.

[Bella01]

The only thing that we will do is go for walks outside if it's nice and I feel up to it. I do feel bad when I say no not today.

I only see my T once a month. I do feel cheated on that one. Even when I was having a rough time with being in the hospital I would be luckey to see him once every two weeks.

[Rosie23]

I am someone who would probably talk more freely while walking around as opposed to be in a room with a closed door where I may feel trapped.

So could be there are T's who recognize that and use it as a tool to keep or get someone talking? So they save up small errands like that as an excuse to walk about?

My T always did the closed door sit in a chair across from her thing too and at 45 minutes, time is up and you are on your way. No matter your emotional state.

I think it would benefit some people greatly.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Rosie23

I am someone who would probably talk more freely while walking around as opposed to be in a room with a closed door where I may feel trapped.

So could be there are T's who recognize that and use it as a tool to keep or get someone talking? So they save up small errands like that as an excuse to walk about?

My T always did the closed door sit in a chair across from her thing too and at 45 minutes, time is up and you are on your way. No matter your emotional state.

I think it would benefit some people greatly.

I can understand walking might be useful. I do not think the therapist doing their errands while walking with me would be useful for me. I know some use walking as a tool. I sometimes pace around the office because movement helps me talk. But the therapist using my time and money to do their stuff would not work for me.

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I can understand walking might be useful. I do not think the therapist doing their errands while walking with me would be useful for me. I know some use walking as a tool. I sometimes pace around the office because movement helps me talk. But the therapist using my time and money to do their stuff would not work for me.

My T has talked about using walking with his clients that are "stuck". He never said he does errands with his clients, but he may have his own reasons for doing that too. Help create bond, by doing something together outside of office? Put us on equal playing field? Idk, maybe there's a reason, maybe there isn't.

[Screenager]

I don't think I could talk to my T while walking around outside. I wouldn't be able to focus and I'd be constantly paranoid about others hearing me talk about my issues. And how would she take notes?
It just wouldn't make sense to me, but to each their own.

I'd love to walk around with my T in a friendly situation (which is in itself impossible), but not in a therapy setting.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

Put us on equal playing field? Idk, maybe there's a reason, maybe there isn't.

In my lack of imagination, I do not see how the therapist getting their personal errands completed on my time and money puts us on an equal playing field.
And a difference in my requirements, perhaps different from others, is that I most definitely require there to be a reason for anything the therapist does and that reason needs to be related to me for the appointment time.

I have thought about trying one or two of the therapists around my area who advertise they do walks because I find motion to make it easier for me to talk about emotion. I am not worried about anyone overhearing because I am so unbelievably garden variety history boring in my therapeutic tales, no one would keep listening if they did not have to. I am concerned I might get so excited by what I was saying that I walk into traffic accidentally.

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by stopdog

In my lack of imagination, I do not see how the therapist getting their personal errands completed on my time puts us on an equal playing field.
And a difference in my requirements, perhaps different from others, is that I most definitely require there to be a reason for anything the therapist does and that reason needs to be related to me for the appointment time.

I have thought about trying one or two of the therapists around my area who advertise they do walks because I find motion to make it easier for me to talk about emotion. I am not worried about anyone overhearing because I am so unbelievably garden variety history boring in my therapeutic tales, no one would keep listening if they did not have to. I am concerned I might get so excited by what I was saying that I walk into traffic accidentally.

I felt like we were on a equal playing field when I did errands with him, because he did not control the external factors of what was going on. He didn't control what was said to him or me or how anyone reacted. There was a lot less control in his hands, than when he is sitting in the chair across from me. EVEN though he did safely control the situation when tourists walked up to us, asking questions. We were for a short time equals doing everyday normal things.

Oh and I didn't look up ONE time while we were out, and I live in NYC. He kept me safe crossing streets, if you trust your T I think they could too.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

I felt like we were on a equal playing field when I did errands with him, because he did not control the external factors of what was going on. He didn't control what was said to him or me or how anyone reacted. There was a lot less control in his hands, than when he is sitting in the chair across from me. EVEN though he did safely control the situation when tourists walked up to us, asking questions. We were for a short time equals doing everyday normal things.

Oh and I didn't look up ONE time while we were out, and I live in NYC. He kept me safe crossing streets, if you trust your T I think they could too.

I don't really think of the therapist as not being equal with me. Nor I suppose me not being equal with her.
I would probably need to be in a park rather than loose on the streets. I am not sure for me or the therapist either of us should be in charge of street crossing safety.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't really think of the therapist as not being equal with me. Nor I suppose me not being equal with her.
I would probably need to be in a park rather than loose on the streets. I am not sure for me or the therapist either of us should be in charge of street crossing safety.

Haha, oh that's right, isn't it your T who is really accident prone?

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

My T has talked about using walking with his clients that are "stuck". He never said he does errands with his clients, but he may have his own reasons for doing that too. Help create bond, by doing something together outside of office? Put us on equal playing field? Idk, maybe there's a reason, maybe there isn't.

Maybe you just shouldn't worry what others may think or try to understand about your therapy.

It's yours. I assume you get to chose with whom you conduct your therapy, and can, if you chose to say, indicate a preference, regarding its course and manner. The decision to stay or leave is yours.

As is the decision to defend it or not.

If this works for you (and it appears to) then go with it. The only person you answer to is yourself.

From the outside looking in I see nothing abusive, coercive or manipulative about this situation.

I do see, however, a client who had a good session, albeit unconventional, with her therapist.

Our t just likes to do stuff with us. Its about having a real relationship. Knowing each other not just in 1 setting. The most healing times have been the ordinary things-- going to burger king, having ice cream, looking at fish in the lake, going to the store, etc. we didnt have these things in childhood with a safe person. For her to do that now with little inside ones has helped them griw so much healthier and happier.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

I too have wondered about this. I hope it doesn't sound like a criticism, given that my new motto is "it takes all kinds" HOWEVER, it really surprises me that this happens!

My Ts have always just met with me for 50 minutes and then said, it's time to End! Whether I'm sobbing, laughing, exploding in pain...whatever, I leave and return a week later and that is how I do my work in therapy.

Now, I learn that errands are run, hands are held...lots of things happen that have never happened to me.

And a part of me feels a little rooked, maybe.

On the other hand (yes, I am a naturally ambivilant person) I feel that a constant framework (and a fairly strict one) in therapy suits me fairly well.

So...I come full circle. It does take all kinds but I am still a bit surprised.

Yes...why the difference? Some of the things that occur strike me as stuff where the therapist might even have some liability issues should something happen....but only in some places, I guess.....

I'm kinda curious!

I agree as well and no offence intended it is good if u have this kind of relationship with ur t, i love my t she sees me for an hour we have great connection we joke around and she has called me when i leave a message that i am very stressed out, but reading some of these threads like they call them at home or text or email or hold hands and hugs , it makes me feel like my t does not care about me

[sweepy62]

I agree as well and no offence intended it is good if u have this kind of relationship with ur t, i love my t she sees me for an hour we have great connection we joke around and she has called me when i leave a message that i am very stressed out, but reading some of these threads like they call them at home or text or email or hold hands and hugs , it makes me feel like my t does not care about me

[sconnie892]

I think its wonderful that people can have different approaches that work the best for them. The comments did make me think what it would be like to enjoy a walk with T instead of sitting in Ts office.

The more I thought about it the more I realized that I like the comfort and stability of Ts office. It is the same every time and that helps eliminate distractions. Same furniture arrangement, same white noise machine running outside the door, same view of the fence and brick wall outside. I would get so off track if there were new things to look at like when out on a walk.

[crazycanbegood]

I went for a walk once with T and have the option of doing it again. The first time we walked was a sort of reward for good behavior and to encourage me to get out of my bed. It was nice walking with T in a park alongside the river. For those moments I felt at peace . BUT if I wanted to do some deep talking, I couldn't do it walking, maybe sitting on the park bench. For me, it takes so much energy to talk about difficult things that I couldn't walk at the same time.