Do you ever feel the desire to "push" your T?

I started a post earlier about the appropriateness of your T becoming angry.

This is sort of a spin-off from that. I realized that I was asking that, because I'm curious about what would happen if I "pushed" my T. I don't know why, but I have an extremely strong desire to **** with him. I want to make him angry, I want to frustrate him, I want to say wildly inappropriate things and see what happens.

I don't know why I am feeling the urge to mess with him. Partly I feel like I want him to become off-balance, because he always seems to have it together. But if I'm successful, I know I will become much more depressed and anxious. I kind of need him to be my rock. But if I did start to "push" him and got no reaction, I would probably continue to push him until SOMETHING happened.

I can't figure out why I would want to do something that is just going to end in me being really unhappy. Have any of you had similar experiences? I just can't figure out WHY. Even when seeking help, I seem determined to sabotage it.

"I kind of need him to be my rock."

I think this has a lot to do with it. We want to be sure they can be that rock and stick around when things get messy. Were not ready to believe that anyone would be willing to so we test them. I know I've "set up" (not consciously intentional) a few tests kind of to see if she will run away. If she doesn't pass I have a good excuse to shut down and lock her out

When we don't have a sense of ourselves, we might get that by making ripples in our environment, making a "space" for ourselves by the reaction all around so we have a clue where, or even "that" we are.

My stepmother was very controlling and I got my sense of self from defying her. Didn't matter what the issue was (you want good grades? I'll give you mediocre! :-) I did not want to be consumed by her so I pushed back. Of course, when I grew up, that did not change, I would argue with just about anyone, did not listen (could not), all my time, energy and effort was tied up in not being like other people around me; I didn't know what it was to just be myself, what that self was and how to maintain it.

The height of my idiocy was in college when there was a psychological game show on TV; late-1960s, early-1970's, and they asked multiple choice questions and your answer "told" you something about your personality. I lived in a dorm and we would gather around but I would make sure the answer I chose was different from everyone else's! Did not matter if I secretly agreed with/wanted their answer, I had to be different, even if "wrong" :-)

sometimes i wonder what would happen if she was completely angry with me .i don't feel it would be safe or ok at all.i live in fear of it all the time.i wonder if you want to do this to see if it would be ok for T to be mad and what would happen.would T kick you out or harm you in some way if T was angry

I get this a lot. Well I'm not sure if its classed as "pushing" her - it feels like me sort of "laying down the law". Actually no, that sounds worse than it is, haha. When you go back there week after week and talk about all this airy-fairy feelingsy stuff (which makes absolutely no sense to me), I get to the stage where I put my foot down. I get the mindset of "lets cut the crap and lets talk reality". Then I sort of take control of the session and we then talk about reality-based things (eg I want to go from A to B, how do we achieve that? sort of thing). I get sick of talking about rainbows and lollipops for months on end because it doesn't help my situation, even though in theory it should.

So its sort of pushing T because she gets really irritated when I do this. But the bottom line is that she is there to assist ME to change. I want to talk about things that I can apply in real life, to help my situation and to actively change. If this is unacceptable to her, then she can give me a referral to someone more appropriate. But she hasn't yet so it can't mind too much!

I can't say as though I have ever felt this urge, but I could see how it may be a normal reaction to the thearputic relationship. Any relationship will have the good and the bad times. As kids we pushed the boundaries to see just how far we could take it before we got in trouble. Some of us in our relationships with SO.. test to see just how much we can trust our partners.

My response in your other thread also might apply here. In processing that experience, I realize now I was angry and hurt and experiencing ALOT of pain.

My mention to T (about my friends comment) was manipulative. Why would I bring it up if I wasn't going to share it? My guess is a part of me was angry at my friend for sharing with me. Instead of discussing it with her, I took it out on him. I knew it had the potential of changing my therapy, if allowed. The child part of me wanted to hurt him, I wanted him to experience the same hurt/pain I experienced. If there is a therapeutic frame, it broke that day.

In time, it became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

InTherapy, maybe your T feels too close? I hope you discuss this with your T. Share your feelings, he will be able to help you sort through it and help you discern why you want to push/anger him.

Whenever I feel T and I are getting too close, I tend to "create" some kind of rupture or try to do something to make her angry. I think I'm trying to see if she really WILL stick around like she says she will. If she really DOES accept all of me. I don't know that this is true for you, but it sounds similar.

I found, for me, the more the t was willing to explain about what she was doing, the less I need to push. Less explanation - more pushing.

Me too! and that is why the blank slate approach did not work with me. I thrive in environments characterized by power-sharing, disclosure and inclusiveness.

go figure!

Well, this....

and this....

might explain a little more why my first T didn't work out. I think I do, too.

Ive pushed my T to see if he will get angry. Usually in the crazy emails I send to him. I guess I kind of want to see how far I can push him to see what he will do? Idk really....
I'm kinda testing him I guess. To see if he will terminate me, lose his cool, write be back....
Maybe in a way I am testing the waters with him.

I've emailed him with all kinds of ridiculous things that would make me be likeWTF! But so far I haven't seen him angry....

I was very much the same.

Yup. I think my T has got the message and explains more.

I'm a boundary pusher, so I've tried to push T's buttons at times. The only thing I've ever done that really seemed to shake her was send a particularly manipulative email. She seemed rather hurt by it.

These are safe environments. Nothing like living in an environment while growing up where the unknown wasn't safe.