fear

Can someone help me understand why its a fearful thing to think that your T might read your thoughts/writing?

For me, it would be because I'd like to be able to control what comes up in therapy. Having said that, though, I'm approaching therapy a lot differently this time. In previous attempts, I've been very guarded and kept discussion to specific topics. This time, I'm not doing that. I'm open to wherever it needs to go and I'm working really hard on being willing and able to tell my T literally anything. That's very hard, though.

So, it really wouldn't freak me out that much if I knew he was reading this and could tell it was me.

I don't know that I can explain it. I can tell you the thought of T coming here and reading my posts is very very scary to me. Maybe because I have a lot of walls built up? Maybe T will confirm what I fear..that I really am crazy? Maybe the idea of another person knowing those dark things that lurk beneath...

I probably have posted enough specifics that he could figure out who I am, plus my style of writing might tip him off. I really don't care, though. I would probably have a moment of "OMG " but I know he would never use anything I say against me, first of all, and I don't really want to hide anything anyway.

It's scary for me because I'd be embarrassed about how attached/dependent I am on my T. It's something I don't openly talk about in therapy, although it's probably evident from my frequent emails and other nonverbal cues. Also, I've talked about stuff I disagree with her about, and how some of the things she does may bother me, and I'd feel weird about her reading that. And... I talked about hearing her pee.

I totally worry about this

I really don't worry about my T coming on PC. He leads such a full and busy life (unlike myself). He's very experienced and skilled. There just isn't much reason for him to even bother.

I know she is on facebook, yes i would be very worried if she read my posts! Hopefully she is too busy.