[pbutton]

I told T some difficult stuff yesterday. This morning I found myself doubting his skill as a therapist and picking out tiny things that he's done or forgotten that have upset me.

These two actions are related. Hard stuff = run like hell. I need to stop this line of thinking. His ability to be my therapist is the same as it has always been.

[sweepy62]

hi pbutton thats how i am i start doubting i even get super angry at my t lol and dont know why except she does not know im angry at her

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

hi pbutton thats how i am i start doubting i even get super angry at my t lol and dont know why except she does not know im angry at her

Good point. I do this too, except I tell him I'm angry, then when he asks why, I am totally baffled with no answer.

[Perna]

I remind myself that it is my therapy and I am in charge and it is my skill as a therapist that is going to help me in the long run. Sounds like your insight here is showing your skill as a therapist growing :-)

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

hi pbutton thats how i am i start doubting i even get super angry at my t lol and dont know why except she does not know im angry at her

the thing is, you (I, pbutton, etc) are not angry at her. You are angry, to be sure, but not at her. This is something i have worked on for a long time.

that's the reason the T can weather your anger; he/she knows it's not really the T you are angry at. good job, keep going!

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by pbutton

I told T some difficult stuff yesterday. This morning I found myself doubting his skill as a therapist and picking out tiny things that he's done or forgotten that have upset me.

These two actions are related. Hard stuff = run like hell. I need to stop this line of thinking. His ability to be my therapist is the same as it has always been.

I know how this works. It's like trust starts to get wobbly when we go out on a limb. Will my T REALLY be able to support me? And besides that - I really don't like this feeling of being out on a limb.

And I even begin to suspect her motives. She tries to help by offering extra sessions. I really want the extra sessions but then I think - "oh, she's in it for the money." Man, why do I think those thoughts. I know they're not true but I guess, like you, I want an excuse to run.

Yesterday I texted her if I could have an extra session this week. That was one day after I texted her that I'd like to cancel. And this morning I texted her 'nevermind'. Well, if there's a definition of crazy, it is me.

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by skysblue

I want an excuse to run.

This, this, this!!! So very much this. This is what I need to work on changing.

Well, that, and the part about being the definition of crazy... that also sounds like me.

[critterlady]

Originally Posted by skysblue

I want an excuse to run.

Yep, that's me, too. My T and I talked about how I do that in most of my relationships and that when I feel like I need to do that with him, we can talk about it. Um, talk about it? Is he nuts?

[skysblue]

I'm in some heavy stuff right now too and doubts also about my T's effectiveness are rearing their heads. But luckily I 'love' her enough to be able to overcome the doubts enough that I still show up in session.

[unaluna]

Yeah, I love the way I think my T is too dumb to work with me. He's the one with the big house, owns a condo office the size of my apartment, has 2 cute kids, studied at the best universities, takes great vacations, has swell pals, AND can dance - and he's the moron, not me. Riiight...

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by hankster

Yeah, I love the way I think my T is too dumb to work with me. He's the one with the big house, owns a condo office the size of my apartment, has 2 cute kids, studied at the best universities, takes great vacations, has swell pals, AND can dance - and he's the moron, not me. Riiight...

Yeah, I must remember that. thanks.

[doogie]

"Hard stuff = run like hell" - yep been there done that...uh, doing that at the moment. If you figure out how to turn it off, please let me know.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by doogie

"Hard stuff = run like hell" - yep been there done that...uh, doing that at the moment. If you figure out how to turn it off, please let me know.

I'm considering pulling out my stash of klonopin. I have the prescription for flight anxiety so use them seldom, but I guess the emotions now are also 'flight' anxiety. nah, I'll try to hold off until the urge to run gets too strong.

"Hard stuff = run like hell"

Oh gosh, that is so me as well. I've been looking for an excuse to bolt since we started. Every time we reach a new level I have another wobble, ready to jump on THE tiniest thing to confirm my fears/doubts. I think this is where the therepeutic relationship and attachment comes in, they keep you hooked!

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by just_some_girl

I think this is where the therepeutic relationship and attachment comes in, they keep you hooked!

depends on how much you wobble. I keep losing the hook, lol

He's good enough, he's smart enough, and doggonit, people LIKE him!

[pbutton]

I don't wannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnna like him. I want him to be terrible so I can head for the hills. How am I going to flee if he's good enough??!

And didn't you mean stopdoggonit people like him?

Originally Posted by pbutton

I don't wannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnna like him. I want him to be terrible so I can head for the hills. How am I going to flee if he's good enough??!

And didn't you mean stopdoggonit people like him?

OH NO! Cannot believe I missed the stopdoggonit reference! I should have put that in!

Excellent insight--- i admire how youre doing!

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by SarahMichelle

Excellent insight--- i admire how youre doing!

Thank you. It was really nice to hear that.

I can rationally understand what's happening. I know what I need to do. Right now I have to stop every 20 minutes, regroup, and adjust my thinking to get back on track. It is SOOOOoooo easy to try to revert to old behaviors. I have a groove worn and I want to slide back in to what I know.

Change is hard. !!!!!!!

I do this with my T but we talk and work through it and it always turns out that I am just projecting onto her some unresolved issues from the past.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by pbutton

Thank you. It was really nice to hear that.

I can rationally understand what's happening. I know what I need to do. Right now I have to stop every 20 minutes, regroup, and adjust my thinking to get back on track. It is SOOOOoooo easy to try to revert to old behaviors. I have a groove worn and I want to slide back in to what I know.

Change is hard. !!!!!!!

Good luck with it. Remember to stop and ice it if it hurts too much. Moderation is key here.

Great Pyrenees