[shezbut]

I forced myself to bring up an issue that's been really bothering me for the past week or so in therapy today. It's a very big part of my life ~ and we've merely scratched the surface. I still have to go on with life, of course. And I'm panicking!

To be more specific, I have a huge issue with sex. I feel very ashamed and full of deep self-hate, yet I see it as my duty to please my man. I cannot stand the thought of him going elsewhere...so I MUST do all that I can to please him! Out of deep shame, I cover my face with a pillow completely and don't make a sound of pleasure. My bf gets his pleasure by making ME feel good ~ so I am really stuck between a rock and a hard place here! As soon as my bf compliments me in a sexual way comes a huge wave of guilt. I become as stiff as a board, from the shame that I feel.

I definitely see the cause of my shame to be related to recurrent SA as a child and teenager. While I'm now physically an adult, I kind of feel like (a kid maybe?)....sexually and emotionally. Just repressed with every bit of strength that I can gather.

What do I do now to make it two more weeks?!? Please help me, if you can!!

[Perna]

This helped me when I read it the other day:

http://www.med.umich.edu/yourchild/topics/masturb.htm

The shame is all coming from your "head"; sexuality is a natural part of our makeup but how we think about it is where the trouble comes in.

[faith1983]

Could you call t's office to schedule another appointment before 2 weeks?
Could you email t?
Could you call t?
Journal?
Art work relating to what you're feeling?
Read something t suggested (could make you feel closer to her/him)
Maybe ask your bf for help for this (could be in many way, depending on how confortable you are to talk with him)

I'm sorry you're having an hard time... Sending you good thoughts

Faith

[Nelliecat]

Maybe it would help to write things out daily, how you're feeling, how hard you're finding it, more like a diary than a historical journal. Is T available to talk to or via email? Even if you know he won't respond just writing to him might help. Even if you don't send the emails. I know it's hard and 2 weeks feels like an eternity, keep posting here if you want

[Sannah]

Hi Shezbut, I'm so proud of you for bringing this up in session! This is the first step and now you can work on it in therapy. Those feelings of shame are going to need to come out in therapy so that you can work on this. You did good!

[WantingtoHeal]

Originally Posted by shezbut

I forced myself to bring up an issue that's been really bothering me for the past week or so in therapy today. It's a very big part of my life ~ and we've merely scratched the syurface. I still have to go on with life, of course. And I'm panicking!

To be more specific, I have a huge issue with sex. I feel very ashamed and full of deep self-hate, yet I see it as my duty to please my man. I cannot stand the thought of him going elsewhere...so I MUST do all that I can to please him! Out of deep shame, I cover my face with a pillow completely and don't make a sound of pleasure. My bf gets his pleasure by making ME feel good ~ so I am really stuck between a rock and a hard place here! As soon as my bf compliments me in a sexual way comes a huge wave of guilt. I be

come as stiff as a board, from the shame that I feel.

I definitely see the cause of my shame to be related to recurrent SA as a child and teenager. While I'm now physically an adult, I kind of feel like (a kid maybe?)....sexually and emotionally. Just repressed with every bit of strength that I can gather

hat do I do now to make it two more weeks?!? Please help me, if you can!!

Shezbut, I am so glad u brought this up. I too struggle wiith this and feel awful shame. I can't admit
having it, much less liking it. I am sad that u feel u have to have satisfy ur man to keep him. I
know what u mean, tho. Sometimes it has felt like I prostituted myself for safety and security.

I am so sorry about having to go 2 weeks. I am a big writer when I panic. And then I use distra
ction
and take naps.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by WantingtoHeal

Shezbut, I am so glad u brought this up. I too struggle wiith this and feel awful shame. I can't admit
having it, much less liking it. I am sad that u feel u have to have satisfy ur man to keep him. I
know what u mean, tho. Sometimes it has felt like I prostituted myself for safety and security.

I am so sorry about having to go 2 weeks. I am a big writer when I panic. And then I use distra
ction
and take naps.

writing distraction and naps strike me as pretty good coping mechanisms.

[WantingtoHeal]

Originally Posted by Perna

This helped me when I read it the other day:

http://www.med.umich.edu/yourchild/topics/masturb.htm

The shame is all coming from your "head"; sexuality is a natural part of our makeup but how we think about it is where the trouble comes in.

I sure wish I could believe this. My shame is so strong. It has never seemed natural or normal to me. It seems barbaric and hateful and something to hide and deny.