[lostmyway21]

If your T compared your issues to other clients with the same issues? My T compared my issues with parents with all his clients with parents who didn't meet there childhood needs, who need to get past it. He really hurt my feelings. I feel im unimportant and insignificant. I sent him two pissed off emails after I left, and he ignored them. Whatever maybe I have no right to be mad? Maybe I have no right to feel hurt? Do I?

[sunrise]

lostmyway21, you don't need our approval to feel angry. If you're mad, you're mad! Whether others would feel the same way may be interesting, but doesn't mean you shouldn't feel the way you feel. Definitely explore this with your T.

I think different people would react differently to what your T said. My T has sometimes told me of other clients he has helped who have the same feelings and reactions about something as I do. Hearing that I am not the only one to go through this can help me feel I'm not alone, that others have been where I am, and made it through. That can help me feel that my situation is not hopeless. It can be a relief--phew, I'm not so strange after all! Also, hearing that my T has helped others with my problem gives me confidence in his ability to help me.

So that's been my reaction to something similar. However, it doesn't mean that you are reacting in a way that is wrong or that you shouldn't feel anger over this. I can see that your T's comments might make you feel minimized. You are angry and can look into that with your T. Probably better to do this in person than try to resolve it by email.

I would feel hurt too.

[critterlady]

I think it would depend very much on how he said it. If he talked about his other clients in a "they could do it, so you could too if you really tried" kind of way, I'd probably be hurt and angry. If he said it in a way to reassure me that others have overcome what I'm facing so it is possible to do, I'd feel relieved.

maybe it was T's way of saying that you are not alone and lots of people have these issues.

[likelife]

I kind of cringe at hearing about my T's other clients in any context. But I'm also weirdly fascinated about them too.

I can certainly understand where your anger and hurt feelings would come from.

[vanessaG]

What I don't get is why he ignored your 2 angry emails??
My T has done this. I'm still not sure if it's to make me feel like I'm not alone in my problem or he's just minimizing, so I can understand why your angry...It would make me even morE mad though if he didntrespond to my emai!

[granite1]

i think you are an individual and have issues that are unique to you.so i think if my T compared me to others i would be upset and feel like i was justed grouped in with everyone.does he usually answer your e-mails

I don't like when Ts talk about other clients to me. I know that it's often used as a means of showing me that other people are struggling with the same issues/problems, BUT I also don't like the idea, even if it's anonymous, of a T potentially sharing about me to other clients. (Incidentally, this is what I love about PC - I'm able to see for myself through my interactions with you all that we are in similar boats, so to speak, but it's by my choice of reading and sharing.) My last T did this sometimes and at moments it was to say that my problems were less significant (i.e., another client had cancer and lost her hair, my problems were more emotional). This really pissed me off and I mentioned this to current T. She said that she wouldn't mention other clients to me. She was sweet because she did once, perhaps by reflex (I think that Ts often do this), and immediately apologized. I think it's a totally fair thing for you to say that you'd prefer not hearing about other clients and you'd appreciate him not sharing anything about you.

It does strike a nerve with me when my T does it and it's because I don't like being lumped in as just another client with anxiety disorder or inadequate parents. Part of my issue is that I have always felt like I am insignificant, forgettable, nothing special, so I think when a T makes a comment that sounds like I'm "Client 123 with problem XYZ just like Client 122" it triggers something, maybe a feeling that I'm really not anything important to him and just a clinical case.

So yeah, I definitely understand that you'd feel upset. I hope I haven't made you feel worse or anything, I don't think our Ts intend to make us feel bad, but if it did hurt your feelings then it clearly touched on something and you do have the right to feel bad. Hope you can clear this up with your T soon.

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by amaj910

It does strike a nerve with me when my T does it and it's because I don't like being lumped in as just another client with anxiety disorder or inadequate parents. Part of my issue is that I have always felt like I am insignificant, forgettable, nothing special, so I think when a T makes a comment that sounds like I'm "Client 123 with problem XYZ just like Client 122" it triggers something, maybe a feeling that I'm really not anything important to him and just a clinical case.

So yeah, I defiPnitely understand that you'd feel upset. I hope I haven't made you feel worse or anything, I don't think our Ts intend to make us feel bad, but if it did hurt your feelings then it clearly touched on something and you do have the right to feel bad. Hope you can clear this up with your T soon.

Wow you hit it exactly! When I left I emailed him and was like thanks for making me feel totally insignificant!!

Anyway, yes he always emails me back. The only time he doesn't is when he is waiting for me to cool down. Which I'm assuming he was waiting for me to do. I didn't though, I just kept getting madder so he emailed me back.

He says he wasn't comparing me to anyone. That he was just trying to get me to look at the situation about his child in a positive manner. Maybe I remembered it wrong. Idk.

[bipolarmedstudent]

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

If your T compared your issues to other clients with the same issues? My T compared my issues with parents with all his clients with parents who didn't meet there childhood needs, who need to get past it. He really hurt my feelings. I feel im unimportant and insignificant. I sent him two pissed off emails after I left, and he ignored them. Whatever maybe I have no right to be mad? Maybe I have no right to feel hurt? Do I?

My therapist never mentions her other clients. Personally, I think it's very unprofessional to even mention his other clients or talk about them in any way.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by bipolarmedstudent

My therapist never mentions her other clients. Personally, I think it's very unprofessional to even mention his other clients or talk about them in any way.

It has worked well in my therapy. For example, when my husband and I were doing couples therapy, T would mention other couples and how they had handled certain situations and give vignettes of other couples'experiences on the other side, after they had made it through--little anecdotes of hope. It really, really helped us. Was one of the most important things, having hope. And getting alternative ideas to problem solve. There were a couple of examples from our own situation that were creative and uplifting, something we did that was evidence of success. I always hoped T would tell those stories to other couples he was treating, and that they would help those couples, just as the stories he told us had helped us.

T occasionally refers to a client (old or current I have no idea) just as a way referencing another individual with similar experiences or issues. I don't at all feel minimized. Actually I find those kinds of references pretty benign. I trust him not to minimize my experience. He never has so it is unlikely he would start now.

I'm sorry you were triggered by that.

My therapist occasionally mentions other clients and it bothers me because I start to worry about them and hope they get to be ok. I have OCD and it's a big issue for me. Ugh.

[WePow]

I have also felt "smaller" at times when T made a comment I thought was telling me my problems were not problems. I started to learn how to share with my T what I thought right when he said it. But he is GREAT about seeing my face change and asking me "what just happened there?"

For example, one session we were talking about feeling broken inside. He told me about a client of his who is a famous singer and appears to have it all together, but he is "the most broken person I have ever met." He didn't tell me who it was, and I didn't ask. But that hit me hard when I heard it. T asked "Ok what just happened?"
I told him how what I heard in my feelings was "You are not as broken as my other client, so he needs me more than you do. Also he is famous, so I would rather spend my time and energy helping him heal instead of working with someone who is a "nobody" in this world."

Yes. That is how I heard it. When I told my T what I heard, his mouth dropped open. He hardly EVER has done that, but he did this time. Then he thanked me for sharing with him how I heard his comments. Then he clarified for me what he really wanted me to understand - that people in all walks of life can be very wounded and broken, but others who look at them from the outside may not have a clue about the pain.

I was SOOOOOOO glad that I spoke up and trusted him enough to share what I heard because it stopped a whole ton of agony which would have followed that night and into the following weeks.

It is very important to learn HOW to trust T enough in session to communicate to them how we hear the things they say. And while it is tough to do at first, it really helps practicing in session doing this because it gets easier. And it gives us the tools we need to communicate better in other parts of life.

[sconnie892]

Occasionally my t will talk about other clients and what has worked for that person. My reaction really depends on the day. Sometimes it makes be feel less alone. But the last few times it has made me angry - and I am not even sure why. Some of me wants to yell "This isn't about your other client. This is about me. I'm the one you're working with right now." So, I get the anger thing.

[sunrise]

Great story, WePow! A model for me to try to follow.