[Betty_Banana]

I really am starting to believe I'm too screwed up to even go to therapy. I know that's one place where it's probably ok to be screwed up, and to talk about it and admit it. But dang, I just find it so humiliating to allow my true self to show while I'm in there.

Sometimes I think maybe I should fake it. Act like I'm doing much better. Pretend I'm happy and everything is fine. But, what would be the point in that, why would I pay for therapy if I'm not going to be real and honest?

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here.....I'm not sure how to put it in words....

Life sucks and I'm not even sure I want to have a life at all anymore, and I feel like I should fake it in therapy, let him think I'm better,and stop going. And spend the rest of this miserable life wallowing in my own self pity. It sounds much easier than trying.

[CantExplain]

My T says everyone benefits from therapy, no matter how "screwed up" they way be.

Trying is hard. But we do have to try.

[rainbow8]

I'm sorry you feel so bad. It is not going to help if you fake it and pretend to feel better than you are. I think you know that, but are just discouraged. Can you tell your T how you feel, exactly what you posted here? Maybe you need meds or a change, if you're taking them. I hope you continue therapy and that you feel better soon.

[velcro003]

you are right, it is easier to give up. but it is not better. i hope you keep going, and hopefully, bit by bit the walls will start coming down a little, and your true self will peek out to your therapist. it has been a slow process for me over the course of 4 years (so far), and only in the last few months have i really started letting down my guard. so far my T has been 1oo% accepting of it.

[SoupDragon]

This is so how I feel at the moment. I should be better by now, yet lately all the difficulties I had are rearing their heads again. I am concerned if I tell T, T will say that he can't help me and end the sessions.

Part of me says that this is as good as it gets for me and I have to just accept the way I am. But then there is another bit that wants more for me, its voice is just a littler quieter sometimes.

I am not sure what the answer is - well actually I am sure the answer is to tell T, but I understand your (and my) difficulty in doing that.

What I am more sure of, is if I don't keep going, then the chance of making real changes is pretty much zero.

I read somewhere that "try" sits somewhere between thinking and doing, so maybe what is needed is to turn that "try" into an action.

Soup

[northgirl]

I totally identify with everything you've said. Sometimes I feel as though my problems are too much to think about, talk about, we only really are able to scratch the surface in 50 minutes. But even a little bit of help makes progress, they don't expect this to be easy for us, they are patient, expect setbacks. "It gets worse before it gets better" is what my T told me about 10 sessions ago, and it took that long for it to be true. And now that things are worse, I can look forward to it being better, But I have to put in my share of the work and let him nudge me along. I hope you can find the strength to hang in there.