[CantExplain]

I found this metaphor for therapeutic mismatch on the web.

Kathy Broady says:

If you don’t like the food at a particular restaurant, then go to a different restaurant. It would be unreasonable to throw a hissy fit in a Chinese restaurant, demanding Mexican food. If you want Mexican food, just go on down the road till you find the Mexican restaurant, and leave the Chinese restaurant to do what it does best – serving Chinese food.

This doesn't address the core issue.

I've waited all night to be served and now it's here, it tastes horrible. It makes no difference to me if this is the wrong food or the right food done badly. I've handed over the cash and I'm still hungry.

I don't want to become a gourmet. I just want a meal I can eat!

[stopdog]

The problem with therapy is it is hard to know what will work and what will not and hard to know what is working and what is not. They won't explain it and it is not rational or based on objective science. The therapist can blame the client for not getting better or doing it correctly, and the client does not know if they are wrong or the therapist is. Food is much clearer

[PreacherHeckler]

You're right, it doesn't address the core issue. It basically ignores the underlying issue and it implies that the solution is to go from one therapist to another until you get what you want.
I'm not a big fan of Kathy Broady. I know she claims to have many years experience as a therapist, but I stumbled upon her website recently and the more I read, the more uneasy I felt. I finally realized it was because she uses a very subtle form of misrepresentation -- if you read closely you'll see that all these "professional consultants" are actually just one person -- Kathy Broady.
And then I saw that she charges something like $45 a month to join a discussion forum, which totally blew me away.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I've waited all night to be served and now it's here, it tastes horrible. It makes no difference to me if this is the wrong food or the right food done badly. I've handed over the cash and I'm still hungry.

I don't want to become a gourmet. I just want a meal I can eat!

The really interesting question is, why does this bug me? I found a good restaurant eight years ago and I've been eating there ever since.

Perfection doesn't satisfy us. Doesn't engage us with ourselves. Perhaps we feel imprisoned by our need for a perfect meal.

[growlycat]

Even a "good therapeutic fit" does not equal perfection.

no but if feels perfect.

[KazzaX]

It really baffles me how people can say stuff like in your original post (and that is the generally accepted viewpoint), but then when you HAVE gone and shopped around, they tell you that the reason you aren't improving is because you never stuck around with the one therapist for long. You can't do both at once!

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

The really interesting question is, why does this bug me? I found a good restaurant eight years ago and I've been eating there ever since.

My associations with it were, ugly Americans; the food here is terrible - yes, and the portions are so small; why don't you have more discrimination and taste about what you eat, what are you, a garbage dump? the french wouldn't have this attitude! why would just ANYTHING suit? - it would if you're desperate, which is probably how we come into therapy at first.
ETA: how we come into life at first, blind and helpless and unable to move.

[PreacherHeckler]

I don't like that particular food metaphor because I don't think therapy or the therapist is supposed to make us feel good or fill us up anyway. It's supposed to help us understand why we think, feel, and behave in certain ways, and help us change those patterns so we can feel better about ourselves and our relationships in real life. I think, if you want to use a food metaphor, a good therapist will provide small amounts of healthy food, the stuff we don't necessarily want or like at first because we're only used to junk food. The therapist will also encourage us to try new kinds of healthy foods from different "restaurants" in the community and eventually the healthy food will satisfy us and fill us up, replacing the junk food. But being "filled up" by a therapist who gives us what we want to eat and not what's healthy for us, or who gives us as much as we want even if it is a healthier food than we're accustomed to, doesn't help us -- it just teaches us to depend on the therapist to satisfy our hunger while we're in therapy, and the rest of the time we're slowly depleting those calories and nutrients waiting to be filled up again at the next session, instead of finding new ways to sustain ourselves between sessions.

[CantExplain]

Therapy as junk food?

[Perna]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

This doesn't address the core issue.

I've waited all night to be served and now it's here, it tastes horrible. It makes no difference to me if this is the wrong food or the right food done badly.

Whoa! What if 99 out of 100 people think it tastes wonderful and you don't like that kind of food, not that the food was "done badly". That's about you and your wants/needs, not the food. One size does not fit all! Whether you want to describe it as Mexican versus Chinese or scrambled eggs versus pickled, just because you think pickled eggs are gross does not make it the food's preparation that has the problem; you have to take responsibility for your own taste buds!

Remember Julia Roberts in "Runaway Bride" and how Richard Gere accused her of not knowing how she liked her eggs and she tested all sorts of eggs and ranked them? They weren't done well or ill, she just preferred one to another!

If you haven't done therapy before, you can't know what you "prefer".

[PreacherHeckler]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Therapy as junk food?

No, that's not what I wrote but never mind.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by PreacherHeckler

I don't like that particular food metaphor because I don't think therapy or the therapist is supposed to make us feel good or fill us up anyway. It's supposed to help us understand why we think, feel, and behave in certain ways, and help us change those patterns so we can feel better about ourselves and our relationships in real life. I think, if you want to use a food metaphor, a good therapist will provide small amounts of healthy food, the stuff we don't necessarily want or like at first because we're only used to junk food. The therapist will also encourage us to try new kinds of healthy foods from different "restaurants" in the community and eventually the healthy food will satisfy us and fill us up, replacing the junk food. But being "filled up" by a therapist who gives us what we want to eat and not what's healthy for us, or who gives us as much as we want even if it is a healthier food than we're accustomed to, doesn't help us -- it just teaches us to depend on the therapist to satisfy our hunger while we're in therapy, and the rest of the time we're slowly depleting those calories and nutrients waiting to be filled up again at the next session, instead of finding new ways to sustain ourselves between sessions.

So true, so true.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Perna

If you haven't done therapy before, you can't know what you "prefer".

That's kind of my point.