Adaptive T?

Who else feels they have a very adaptive therapist? And why?

Last week my T addressed my emails, and wanting me to go back to the ONE email a day like our original setup was. The issue was I would often contradict myself and confuse him and even sometimes scare him with my impulsiveness.

Now fast forward to today. My bipolar is in MAJOR rapid cycle. I am having a really really hard time. Up and down, cycling multiple times a day, for the last few days. I emailed T and asked him to let me freely impulsively email this weekend to get my thoughts out, because I'm having such a difficult time. He said YES. He told me to TRY and organize my thoughts, but go ahead and send the emails.

I feel so trapped in these high's and low's. If he said no, I felt like my world would have collapsed around me. Even though this was an issue he JUST corrected, he was willing to make changes because the circumstances changed. I'm so thankful he is so willing to adapt to my changing needs.

This is the sort of flexibility I want from my T, but don't get.
My mother wasn't flexible either, which is the source of the issue.

My T is very adaptive and flexible. I have DID, and she totally adapts the sessions to whatever inside person shows up (and we often switch several times in a session), so she is quick at changing things to however we need them at the time-- whether its doing art or going for a walk or a serious talk about big issues or telling some jokes or whatever.

My T is also adaptive and it's worked wonders for me! My parents are so rigid and I learned all or nothing, which is so unhealthy. Now, my therapist is teaching me how beautiful the range of grays are!

I see nothing wrong with how your T allowed you to email recently. After I failed to call her and had a panic attack while I was finishing my dissertation, my T looked at me in the next session and made me promise that I'd call her if I started one again during those stressful couple of months. She looked at me with some much care and love in her eyes and said, "It would be so foolish for you to suffer if I could help you." And she has and I didn't call her often at all. Sometimes the just knowing that someone is there and caring and I can reach out helps. I'm so thankful for my T! And it sounds like you have a great one, too, lost.

That's wonderful that your T is so adaptive to what you need.

I guess my T does have to adapt to whatever mood I bring into a session. I haven't really thought much about how she adapts each session. Maybe because she does it so well I don't even notice!

Glad you T adapted his rules to help you out this week. I hope the cycling settles down for you quickly.

The one I see may be adaptive or wily.

I don't believe you're a dog at all. A dog will go slobbering all over anyone who smiles at him. But a cat will only approach a stranger who sits like a statue for half an hour. Hello Kitty! --things T and I have discussed

Indeed. I am more of a cat person in general. My dogs are of a more catlike breed. I am not a golden retriever person. The therapist is a dog person. Are dog people more adaptive than cat people?

Being a lover of both, dogs and cats, I definitely can't answer that. I can say though that my flexibility and ability to adapt fluctuates with my moods; fortunately T is good a picking up on this and is very adaptable. I see it in the session when I ask for changes, when there is a need for help outside of sessions that she is always available, and in the rare glimpses into her personal life in how flexible she is. However, there is still structure in the form of guidelines that are in place that do not change and is not flexible. However, I don't mind this rigidity because she seems to have covered all the possibilities and included that when she set it up that way.

Hmm. Is it like politics? These are the rules (I learned in psych school), and if they're not working for you, there is something wrong with you, not the rules. Sounds like the difference between lazy incompetent T and good T. But then I think there are two factors on our side that mess things up - both are in the form of resistance, but one form we WOULD change, and CAN easily change, but it is mistaken by the T for plain old resistant resistance. Call them easy and hard resistance.

Easy resistance comes from parents ALWAYS telling us no. For example, I remember making the statement at dinner that meat is muscle. I know there are people now just figuring this out and turning vegan! Anyway, I got a big fat no. FROM FARMERS!!! So I caught the no bug. Anybody says anything to me, I say no. This looks like "hard" resistance to T's, but it's just a bad habit and can be dealt with by them. Mine just gets my attention, gets my buy-in, by stopping and prefacing his statements with something ridiculous like "This is just off the top of my head but..." - it disarms me and I don't resist and I can actually hear him and not reject him. Otherwise I would be telling him meat is not muscle and not even hearing him or myself, and not remembering any of it. I feel like you used to do the easy resistance thing here with us, but not anymore.

No I did not. And if I did, I still do.

You are too funny.

I think Dr. L is very adaptive.

When I told her I had been really upset about my work situation because I was "afraid I'd miss most of my sessions," she got this really compassionate look on her face and said, "I would never let that happen. We'd figure something out" (meaning she would come to the office at odd hours or on her days off.) All of this coming from a lady who works long hours and travels regularly to speak at conferences. I think she is just full of compassion. LOVE her

She told me the other day that if I was her last patient of the day, I could bring my dog Annie to her office "as long as we could keep her quiet." (It's a no-pets-allowed building on hospital grounds lol) She knows how much I love Annie and wants to do anything she can to make it easier for me to talk, I think.

This lady has gone above and beyond for me. Thinking about all that, it amazes me that I can give her such a hard time sometimes.

This is the key for me. Love means breaking the rules. Not every rule, and not necessarily when I ask for it. But if you've never broken the rules for me, I won't believe you love me.

I hear you there. I agree.

Although, I don't think my T loves me ...BUT it does make me feel that way sometimes, which I like a whole lot

Totally hear that one about breaking "rules."
My T has always gone above and beyond for me, and it has been so healing.