I know that I have mentioned before how much I struggle with feeling needy with my therapist. I dislike the feeling of needing him and have been distressed about it. Also there was a recent discussion on here about people "quitting" and then "unquitting therapy."

There is a therapist's blog that I read sometimes, and I just saw this post: http://www.afterpsychotherapy.com/em...psychotherapy/

Thought I'd share in case anyone else was interested (and/or procrastinating at work).

[skysblue]

I've kinda accepted the fact of my neediness of T. What really helped was studying the book "Attachment in Psychotherapy" by David Wallin. Also, my T helped explain the advantage of attachment for better therapeutic results. (What I've read here on the forums though is that within cognitive therapies this isn't much of an issue. idk)

She said the term 'neediness' conveys weakness whereas what we're really doing is trusting someone fully to help us. Like when we're in the middle of an earthquake, we reach out for something stable to keep from falling, likewise when the emotional earth is moving, we lean on T. There's no shame in that.

Thanks for the link.

[Perna]

Great link! I can see why one would reread it for comfort or reassurance.

This is my homepage at work....LOL

1.5 hours and counting.......

Cheers, an interesting read. Some of those issues certainly came up for me - though I've never gone so far as to quit, I've previously tortured myself about contacting/not contacting, needing/not needing, depending on/not depending on my T!

I've read some of this guy's blog posts before, and I've always found them relatable. Thanks for the reminder, I think I'll 'favourite' him

Thanks for posting this! It really resonates. I really like this therapist's blog already, looks like a good new read.

[unaluna]

oh, this article is interesting! the connection he made to binge-eating rang a bell. so to speak. have to think on that. wish he would have gone deeper there. anyway, yeah, thanks, I read a bunch of his posts last time you? linked to him.

[sittingatwatersedge]

this struck a chill when I read it >> Instead of sticking to interpretation — that is, doing my job and simply helping her to see and bear with her fears about emotional dependency — I made the mistake of offering to hold her time open, regardless of whether she used it. I thought this might reassure her, and make her feel that I was safe … different from the other unreliable people in her life.

If the client pays for a regular hour, whether or not she uses it, isn't that hour hers? Does the T have the option of saying, uh - sorry - you're two minutes too late, I gave it away - ?

[Perna]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

If the client pays for a regular hour, whether or not she uses it, isn't that hour hers? Does the T have the option of saying, uh - sorry - you're two minutes too late, I gave it away - ?

I don't think all therapists schedule the same; some give the client a set time each week (mine) and if you don't appear you pay for the missed session and some make an appointment one at a time or have the client call the office to make an appointment through their secretary. If you call and cancel that appointment, it's gone, you go to the end of the list and make a new one. Sounds like in this instance he made an exception and kept a slot open all the time, so none of his other clients could ask for and find that time slot open. However, it sounds like he did that on his own (without discussion with her) and she was in the habit of coming/not coming and was not part of any "contract" with him since he'd decided to try this on his own as part of how he was treating her.

T's usually tell you straight out how they "work" and how your sessions will be arranged. I don't know how yours feels about late you come/don't come and if an emergency came up, would they put someone in your slot if you weren't there, etc. I learned to call my T to let her know when I was going to be more than a few minutes late; so she wouldn't have to wonder and would have a clue when I'd show up. If I was late, does not matter what the cause, we only went to our normal end time; if she was late (arriving), she'd get word to me and she'd go over so we had the whole session. Start late because of her fault, I get my money's worth; start late because of my poor planning/fault, I get my session minus the late time.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

If the client pays for a regular hour, whether or not she uses it, isn't that hour hers? Does the T have the option of saying, uh - sorry - you're two minutes too late, I gave it away - ?

that happened on here last summer - the client forgot their cellphone (i still can't believe that - it's like leaving the house with no pants on anymore, isn't it?! ) so after the T tried calling and getting no answer, the T left after 15-20 minutes, the client found a locked office. "We" decided the T didn't have to sit in a hot box of an office for the hour like he was being punished - it's more like being at uni - if the prof doesn't show up in 20 minutes, class is cancelled, the kids can leave. Even tho that example seems backwards. The contract is to MEET with you.

[healed84]

TFS.. that was a really good read, and was a good read for me especially right now.

[wintergirl]

Thanks, MKAC - I'm interested to read more from him!

One of the things that initially drew me to my T was his profile, in which he wrote that he believes in solution-focused, short-term therapy instead of life-long therapy (although he acknowledges that some problems take longer to sort out than others).

So here I am, nearly 18 months later, not wanting to stop seeing him but feeling like I SHOULD stop seeing him, because he doesn't "believe" in life-long therapy.

[stopdog]

The one I see actually did this for me because of how strongly opposed I was to committing. I actually would call one way or the other, and several days in advance, because just not showing up felt rude to me (see, even I have a line in terms of how I interact with those therapist people). It did sort of help me and even now when I quit and go back, my regular time has been there. I do it less now, so I guess it was not a disaster like for the woman in the example. I would have had a raging fit and quit if the rules had changed on me.

Thanks so much for posting this. Excellent article.

[Asiablue]

This was a great article. I went on to read his other article on Vacation breaks and how it affects clients. Very interesting.... but it leads me to realise i am totally text-book lol


http://www.afterpsychotherapy.com/vacation-breaks/

[Wren_]

wow ... a lot of that totally resonated with my therapy experience; especially the first two thirds of the article; not sure on the policy but it makes sense about the T having their own limits and that benefitting the client

[CantExplain]

I like this guy! He seems both compassionate and reasonable.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

Very interesting.... but it leads me to realise i am totally text-book lol

I hate the idea that I'm a textbook case. Someone with my towering intellect and enormous ego should suffer from something more exciting than mere neurosis.

[vanessaG]

Thanks for the link! Perfect timing for me too! Lol

[mixedup_emotions]

Wow, great article....and definitely something that I can resonate with at this very moment. My attachment to T....and hating it....and struggling with it...and being angry about it....etc. etc. etc. I will have to re-read this one a few times....Thanks!!

[stopdog]

I think it is important for us to realize we all have boundaries and rules and limits when we interact with other people. The concepts do not belong to therapists alone.