I've been with my t for quite a while, she's great. The worst thing about her is she lives 1000's of miles away. We used to meet in person, but now we have both moved a couple times and so we do skype or phone sessions. It's not ideal, but it works and I am thankful that she has been open to this rather unconventional way of doing therapy.

I was having a beer (or 6- hey, it was St Patty's day) with a friend yesterday and he said he would like me to come to his t with him. He thinks I need to see someone (I didn't tell him about my t, but then again he didn't ask) and he thought it would be helpful if we went together. I'm tempted.

I'm just conflicted. I know that my t and I aren't married, I don't owe her any allegiance, it isn't actually cheating. I know that. But I feel like I'd be sneaking around. She has been so accommodating of me and now I want to find someone new. I guess I could tell her and see what she says. In reality, she'd probably be happy to loose me- I require odd hours because of the time zone difference and it would free up her evening.

Oh, and my current t is my first and only time I've been in counseling. Maybe that's why I'm making this so difficult.

Any thoughts?

[roads]

Not sure your friend's T is the one for you, but looking for someone local seems reasonable. Yes, I'd discuss that with your regular therapist--but I'm assuming there's some reason the two of you opted for the unconventional. Cover all the bases in this, lucydog. Ending work with a longtime therapist isn't just pinning your hem to a new height. There's a lot at stake!

[critterlady]

I agree that talking to your current long-distance therapist about thinking about seeing someone local is a good idea.

I don't think I could go to a therapist with a friend, though. I don't think I could get a true sense of the potential for my own personal connection with a new therapist with someone else in the room, especially someone who already has a relationship with that therapist.

Thank you for reminding me that, although I don't owe t anything, we do have an investment together and we have worked hard together. I know she'd support me finding someone local, if that is what I want.

The friend thing would just a one time visit. My issues are somewhat complicated, and my friend has some insight to them. He thinks he could help pave the way. He may or may not be right, but he's got a lot of wisdom and I'm open to seeing what happens.

[Butterflies Are Free]

I think I would talk to my T first. When my T has been on vacation and I have seen someone else during that time, both therapists signed a release form and so did I.
It has to do with ethics.

[WePow]

I sense your T would want you to go see how that T works. A good T always wants what is best for a client. Back in the old days, a master teacher of Zen would send a student to another master if doing so would help the student. Healing is what comes first.

[Wren_]

Going to meet another T doesn't have to mean ending things with your existing T either; you are just looking at options and trying to get the best help for yourself which is positive and about doing what you are working with your current T to do. I hope you can talk to current T about this that way you are upfront and don't need to feel any concern about cheating

[unaluna]

might be weird ongoing seeing your friend's T, but I would go for one visit or so, and maybe he can give you a local referral.

[growlycat]

Originally Posted by lucydog

I've been with my t for quite a while, she's great. The worst thing about her is she lives 1000's of miles away. We used to meet in person, but now we have both moved a couple times and so we do skype or phone sessions. It's not ideal, but it works and I am thankful that she has been open to this rather unconventional way of doing therapy.

I was having a beer (or 6- hey, it was St Patty's day) with a friend yesterday and he said he would like me to come to his t with him. He thinks I need to see someone (I didn't tell him about my t, but then again he didn't ask) and he thought it would be helpful if we went together. I'm tempted.

I'm just conflicted. I know that my t and I aren't married, I don't owe her any allegiance, it isn't actually cheating. I know that. But I feel like I'd be sneaking around. She has been so accommodating of me and now I want to find someone new. I guess I could tell her and see what she says. In reality, she'd probably be happy to loose me- I require odd hours because of the time zone difference and it would free up her evening.

Oh, and my current t is my first and only time I've been in counseling. Maybe that's why I'm making this so difficult.

Any thoughts?

I phone-therapy too (though I have contemplated Skype!!) for similar reasons.

He was away for more than 2 weeks and I was having a hard time. I "cheated" on him but he did not see it that way. He thought it was healthy to get my needs met. I still "see" my regular T, new T was ok for an emergency.

I wouldn't feel badly about it.

[WikidPissah]

I don't think it's wrong to want to see what's out there, and I am sure your T will handle it professionally.

Oh, my t is very professional, and I know she wants what's best for me. It's funny, because I know what everyone says here is true. But, I have a tendency to make decisions much harder than they need to be. I really appreciate the support.