I know I read a few people mention that they "consulted" another T to see if their T was up to par? doing it right?

I quit therapy last month with my male T... Now I'm trying to go back. But my T1 is booked...so I have to wait. I've made appt with 2 other Ts. T2 is a woman who is an MA under supervision and does not have alot of experience. She seems really nice and helpful and so far so good after 2 session. (But its a lot of starting over)

I have an appt with T3. This is also a woman MA with 15 years experience. The only problem with her is that T1 suggested her when I mentioned maybe a woman would be better when I decided to stop therapy. (although he said if he saw a patient that quit therapy with another T. he would "recommend that they go back to their first t unless there were compelling reasons. And if there were compelling reasons, he would suggest that any conflicts be resolved with therapist first."
So I called her... call it paranoia because he recommended her but it seemed like she asked a lot of questions on the phone about why I left T, etc, etc... we made appt for Monday and she said... well we can talk about it all when you come in.

I was thinking of using her to help me figure out or work through some of my feelings about T1...and to help me decide what to do...to help me decide if some of my problems with T1 are just me or just him or a me/him thing.

Did any of you who consulted other Ts talk about your therapy with your T? Do therapists say oh...that doesn't sound right or hmmm that doesn't sound like a good fit? Or are they like other doctors who won't comment on another doctors mess ups? Did consulting another T make you more confident in your current T or Less?

Any suggestions or experiances would be appreciated?

[WikidPissah]

My T wouldn't say or react to anything ex T did, he just listened. He did raise an eyebrow a few times but never said "that T sucked" which is what I wanted to hear..lol

[SoupDragon]

Hi, I have not got as far as meeting face to face with other T's - but have had e-mail contact.

Most have encouraged me to go back to T and discuss the issues
Some seem ready to bite my hand off (which makes me a little suspicious of why they have gaps in their working week)
Another said she would see me, but it is best to have a break first before staring with someone new.

IMO, T's should be there to help us and work with our agendas, so maybe a new T's willingness to allow you to discuss what it is you want to discuss, will help you gauge if they are right for you.

Is it too long to wait for your first T?

Good luck - Soup

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

Is it too long to wait for your first T?

Good luck - Soup

Therapy was getting so hard... I felt like I was "too much" for T1 and T1 became too much...too close ... and I told him something new... and I bolted... It is more of a trust attachment thing than transference...

I also felt that maybe Psychodynamic therpy wasn't helping a lot...and T1 was really letting me get away with LMB (last minute bombs) and then never making me discuss them... since it is self directed and that I would go on forever without talkig about them... I had already been there a year and I had no patience for myself...I wanted to be better now..

But the truth is there are a few things he's said that has hurt me and I tried to bring them up but I always perceived that I would hurt him and I couldn't do it... but they have effected what I've been willing to talk about...

Now I'm sort of paranoid about other peoples intentions,etc....All of his words have been fine its his actions that speak louder to me... When I've contacted my T. to ask for referals that he said he was willing to give...I had to wait 10 days for his response where he said he was still willing to work with me if that is what I chose but also gave me a referral. I responded same day and I asked if we could have like 3 sessions to really talk about what happened in therapy and what it could possibly be..without committment to continue...Another 7 days wait he said that would be fine but I would need to send him my availability and he would try to work me in but that he doesn't have any night appts for at least 2 weeks. I responded the same day...that I would be willing to come in during the day... any day or time he had an opening that week or the next week... its been 7 days and no response... not even an oh I don't have any day time openings...

I'm not being paranoid right?... doesn't all the delays say... I'm hoping you will go away ? That is reason why I've really made appts with new Ts...that and the fact that I don't like women (no offenses to PC women) and I know I won't have all those feelings about a woman T...cause I will never get that close or comfortable with them...

[stopdog]

I have consulted with other therapists and see one other therapist fairly regularly. For me, it is usually to get an explanation of something because the one I see is totally awful at explaining anything and mocked me badly. So I went to see some others for that and it sort of helped and gave me back ups for when I finally do really quit the first one.

[unaluna]

Two things: It sounds like, just because you get back to him immediately, you expect him to get back to you immediately. But how many patients do YOU have?! I am sorry that sounds harsh, I just don't think it's a valid comparison - of course, now you're probably going to write back, 'well, i'm a brain surgeon' and the hankster is going to look like an idiot - that's okay! won't be the first time! but I wouldn't judge his commitment to you from his response time.

I think you have a good handle on what you want (not a woman T), what you are doing (last minute bombs), and the right pace for you (slowish, like me). You have a clear overall picture of your progress. Now, instead of drifting, you may find it helpful to "pick a theme" and work on it for a month or two; that's kind of how i've been organizing my therapy. Not that the theme gets completely resolved in that time, but then you start building. It sounds like you have a good r/s with this guy, you just need to step up? I think he's just giving you space.

Thanks Hankster...my logical side tells me he is just busy and he will reply when he has an opening... my non trusting side says he doesn't want me back but feels obligated so he's going to delay me to see if I'll go away or he's punishing me for quitting? I know I know ...

Yeah... I think I just got scared... I told T about the ED... and he made a comment like "seems like we are entering a new path" or something... and it freaked me and I quit the next session... why is hind sight so much clearer?

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

Therapy was getting so hard... I felt like I was "too much" for T1 and T1 became too much...too close ... and I told him something new... and I bolted... It is more of a trust attachment thing than transference...

I also felt that maybe Psychodynamic therpy wasn't helping a lot...and T1 was really letting me get away with LMB (last minute bombs) and then never making me discuss them... since it is self directed and that I would go on forever without talkig about them... I had already been there a year and I had no patience for myself...I wanted to be better now..

But the truth is there are a few things he's said that has hurt me and I tried to bring them up but I always perceived that I would hurt him and I couldn't do it... but they have effected what I've been willing to talk about...

Now I'm sort of paranoid about other peoples intentions,etc....All of his words have been fine its his actions that speak louder to me... When I've contacted my T. to ask for referals that he said he was willing to give...I had to wait 10 days for his response where he said he was still willing to work with me if that is what I chose but also gave me a referral. I responded same day and I asked if we could have like 3 sessions to really talk about what happened in therapy and what it could possibly be..without committment to continue...Another 7 days wait he said that would be fine but I would need to send him my availability and he would try to work me in but that he doesn't have any night appts for at least 2 weeks. I responded the same day...that I would be willing to come in during the day... any day or time he had an opening that week or the next week... its been 7 days and no response... not even an oh I don't have any day time openings...

I'm not being paranoid right?... doesn't all the delays say... I'm hoping you will go away ? That is reason why I've really made appts with new Ts...that and the fact that I don't like women (no offenses to PC women) and I know I won't have all those feelings about a woman T...cause I will never get that close or comfortable with them...

I've learnt there are 2 bits to me (at least 2 ) and while my rational logical side can perspective take, show great understanding to others and patience, this other demanding, selfish, urgent bit wants its needs met NOW - so in terms of your T yes he may be busy etc. but it doesn't change the fact that he doesn't appear to be meeting your needs. I think it is useful for T's to push our buttons, trigger us every now and again, for that is how we learn to cope in real life in situations with people other than T's - but it has to be a balance and if you can't even get your foot in the door to address the things with T, then I can understand why you are exploring others - although there is a bit of you that wants to stay with T1 isn't there?

Oh...I am so confused on what is best to do. I have a friend who keeps telling me to just let go of T1 and go to one of these other Ts...She has been to three Ts in her lifetime (all women) and she said therapy is not meant to be as hard as it has been for me. I just think... she went to T. for CSA and ED which is so much harder than my trust issues...so I must really be doing it wrong...

[stopdog]

Could you go try the others until the first one has an open appointment? The one I see knows I regularly go see others to see if I think I have a better connection to someone else. It does not, or so she says, bother her. I sometimes tell the others that is the reason I am making the appointment. So far, no one has objected.