[learning1]

I think I've read a number of times people say it took a year to trust their to. I don't remember who said it though. If it took you a long time, I have a question for you... what did it feel like before you got to the point of trusting your t? Did you know trusting him/her more was possible? Did you know you didn't trust him/her enough before you began to do it? If you had to try to think of something that could have made it happen a little more quickly, what would it be? That was a lot more than one question .

[WikidPissah]

It took me over a year, and I am still learning to trust. Before I started to trust him I wouldn't talk much and I held everything back. I knew I wasn't giving him the full picture, but I didn't know for sure it was a trust issue. I never trusted anyone before so I didn't know what trust looked like. I don't think I could have made it happen more quickly, but maybe if I took more chances with him it would have. I just wasn't able to do that.

[Dreamy01]

Trust is a strange one for me. How do we define it? I never really hold back. I'm more a 'clingy' type. But that's not because I trust t, perhaps more because I don't. Looking back at when I saw my first t, I don't think I ever trusted her totally, even though I explored my past in depth. I didn't show any emotion until the third year of seeing her. I was always terrified she wouldn't be there, or my appointment would be messed up (it often was) and more importantly, that she would leave me. I was never relaxed with her.

I think I trusted former t more, perhaps because I wasn't coming from the child place so much. On an adult level, I trusted her. It is very hard to explain, but our connection was deep despite the child like side not coming out. It took me several months to trust her and I shared some of my deepest stuff with her, my creativity etc.

Now with current T I am VERY vulnerable. I don't know why but something really comes out with her. I am still in the process of trusting a year into our therapy. I tell her a lot but I hold back a lot. For the first time perhaps since I started seeing any therapist at all, I am afraid to tell her stuff. Perhaps I am connecting to the emotion around it and it feels more raw and real. I am afraid to be free with her and this has never been a problem for me in the past. I think it is because I am connecting to emotional depths never before encountered. She is consistent, boundaried, containing, gentle, maternal even...and I am scared, with her.

So trust is a very complex issue for me.

[carla.cdt]

For me trusting and accepting myself went hand in hand with trusting my therapist. When I thought I was enough just the way I was, I could trust my therapist. On days I put myself down, there was no way I could trust a therapist, or anybody. I had to work on self worth with my therapist to help me with that. The book The gifts of imperfection helped a lot for me.
Hope this help.
Take care.

[Dreamy01]

I totally agree with the above. I was thinking that afterwards - that trusting another really is an extension of trusting self.

All I will add to that is consistency is very important to me. My current t offers a very safe, consistent environment where disruptions are minimal, appointments are rarely changed, the environment is quiet and T is always there, holidays only occur every few months and are talked through with empathy and understanding. These factors were missing with my first two ts and I believe they affected my ability to trust, although perhaps not as strongly as my need to trust myself and in my t's ability to be there for me.

[stopdog]

I do not see any changes, but the one I see says I trust her more now after a year and a half. I think it is not true, but if it is true it is probably because I also go see another one a lot. The second one will explain or try to explain everything. The first one is total crap at explaining.

[sconnie892]

Originally Posted by learning1

I think I've read a number of times people say it took a year to trust their to. I don't remember who said it though. If it took you a long time, I have a question for you... what did it feel like before you got to the point of trusting your t? Did you know trusting him/her more was possible? Did you know you didn't trust him/her enough before you began to do it? If you had to try to think of something that could have made it happen a little more quickly, what would it be? That was a lot more than one question .

I've been in t for six months. For me there have been various levels of trust. I trusted her from the start as a professional, but we talked about what I consider surface stuff for at least four months. One day I shared some deep stuff about my past. So often with friends if I share stuff they immediately try to "fix it" with advice. She didn't. She thanked me for sharing. That non-judgmental response really helped me trust her more. But the day I really knew I trusted her more than I trust most people was when I let t see me depressed. I am very good at hiding my depression and letting her see that part of me was a huge step in trusting t.

I know there are deeper levels of trust I haven't reached because I am still not comfortable sharing somethings with t. Sometimes I just want to "dip my toe" in the pool and test the reaction I will get with sharing a small part of something bigger. Other times if I am feeling really brave I will jump in.

I don't think there is anything I could have done to speed up the trust process. I do know that if I don't take the risk of sharing, t can't show she is trustworthy with that information. I try to keep that in mind when I am hesitant to open up.

[elliemay]

For me, there were several distinct levels of trust that had to be established. Looking back on it, I was pretty much feral when I started therapy. I had no idea how bad I actually was, how isolated and scared. SO the first level was that this guy was not going to get out of his chair and physically attack me. The second was that he was not going to use, as so many others had, what I told him to belittle me, or think less of me. The third was that the relationship that I had with him was not fraudulent or contrived, but real. He cared about me.

Originally Posted by learning1

what did it feel like before you got to the point of trusting your t?

Wildly uncomfortable on all levels. I had terrible dreams about him, was even more easily hurt both in therapy and out, and filled with rage at this person who just wouldn't go away.

Originally Posted by learning1

Did you know trusting him/her more was possible?

I had very little idea what trust actually was. It wasn't a goal of my therapy at all.

Originally Posted by learning1

Did you know you didn't trust him/her enough before you began to do it?

I knew something was horribly wrong with the way I felt, but I couldn't have, at the time, pinpointed it that trust was the problem. For some odd reason I just kept going. Kept plugging away at it, and taking that blind leap.

Originally Posted by learning1

If you had to try to think of something that could have made it happen a little more quickly, what would it be?

Confidence in myself - that no matter what this guy did it wasn't going to be overwhelming, it wasn't going to shake who I was. Even if he completely pulled the rug out from under me, I would be okay.

Ironically, that's one of the things that developing trust helped me to gain, so I don't know if I could have managed this confidence at all.

I might have been the person who posted about this... I agree with everyone that there are levels of trust. Things that helped were first about 9 months in I went through a deep depression and was suicidal and the way that she responded to this showed me that she cared deeply about ME as a person, not just another client, and that we had a relationship that was important to her. This included a couple of times that she called me first thing in the morning (without my having called and asked for a call back) to make sure that I was OK and was getting out of bed and had a plan for the day. Then, another important step was 3 months later when she offered to write a letter to my previous T--with whom I had an unhealthy, complicated relationship and who after our termination wrote some things to me that demonstrated just how unhealthy our relationship was--defending me and sharing with her that I've both been hurt by our relationship and that new T's method of interacting with me (which I knew that I needed all along, but exT wouldn't do) was working very well. It wasn't a "I'm better T than you letter," but just super well-worded and included a brief article--hard to explain. What was important to me is that for once in my life an authority figure really stood up for me and trusted/believed me that another one had hurt me. I still go through ups and downs with the trust because people I have trusted in the past have deeply hurt me, but this word is the core of our relationship--T even got me this tiny stone with the word "Trust" carved into it and she reminds me of the importance of trust by sending me "Trust us" hugs when I'm down. I guess most of all what I learned is that you can't rush trust and it comes at moments and in ways that you don't expect. I used to try to rush closeness and trust in relationships and this is recipe for failure, I think.

Good luck!

[faith1983]

Trusting my t was done for me... without my consent!

For a while, I was sort of testing him to see if he was trustworthy and without even knowing, I realized I was trusting him and I was talking basically about stuff I never talked about with anyone else before.

So, for me, just like making change in some area of my life or in my thinking pattern, it was more ane unconscious process I guess.

[Perna]

I don't think trust happened all at once. Individual incidents happened where good results came of them (T was helpful where we thought s/he'd be critical, etc.) and the next incident, we could remember the last one and, eventually, the situations got more and more difficult but the number of past incidents that were favorable and trusting got to a tipping point. It took me about 6+ years to get into a full mode, no holds barred, working trust so I could tell/discuss anything with T that I wanted and she didn't have to worry about her response to me.

[WantingtoHeal]

I don't know about the whole trust thing. My biggest problem is that I don't trust myself. I think I could trust someone else if I could just trust myself. Maybe you learn to trust yourself by trusting someone else first - I don't know. I'm not sure if I trust my t or not. I like her very much. She seems very safe, but I can't tell her just anything. I've been seeing her about a month or so. It feels like I trust her. Who knows!

[ECHOES]

It took me 9 months of near silence before I could make a leap of faith.
I was afraid of being judged, of 'not doing it right', of being rejected. I had a big fear of being overtaken by her. She did nothing to evoke these feelings, they were, and are, within me. They are still being worked on.

I think it was after a week that she was away ( a very rare event ) that I decided the risk of 'losing her' was greater if I didn't jump in than if I did. I told her that I was going to jump in and talk about baking Christmas cookies, if that's all I could come up with. And so it began. lol

Originally Posted by learning1

I think I've read a number of times people say it took a year to trust their to. I don't remember who said it though. If it took you a long time, I have a question for you... what did it feel like before you got to the point of trusting your t? Did you know trusting him/her more was possible? Did you know you didn't trust him/her enough before you began to do it? If you had to try to think of something that could have made it happen a little more quickly, what would it be? That was a lot more than one question .

It certainly took me longer than a year. Before I got to the point of trusting her, I would go in with my defenses up, argue a lot, and talk about why the sky is blue instead of real issues. I was not convinced that someone could be that interested in what was going on with me and I expected to be cast off like I was so many times in the past by others. She was nice though and I knew whatever was happening was in the boundaries of the therapeutic relationship, so I held out a little hope that it would eventually get better. I guess something I could have done to let it happen more quickly was just give it a fighting chance a little sooner, but my ineffective schemata wouldn't allow it. I trust her now.

[healed84]

Hmmm.. this is an interesting topic. T and I have been talking a lot about trust. He knows that I am having a hard time trusting him. However, I am making an effort to reach out and ask for his help, which is supposed to help me trust him. I am a clingy personality... So, I have clung to him as a support person, but for me to fully trust him. Well, I guess that means I have to let my guard down and know that I don't always have the answers myself. That is hard for me, I grew up fending for myself.. and at times have given my control away and the results were disaterous. So, I suppose when I learn that I don't always have all the answers, and that not all people are out to get me... then I will trust T. Sure, I am trust him to some degree, but not fully. Its a process.. I supsect it will take a while. Oh, and I have been in thearpy for about 4 months now.

[notz]

Originally Posted by learning1

I think I've read a number of times people say it took a year to trust their to. I don't remember who said it though. If it took you a long time, I have a question for you... what did it feel like before you got to the point of trusting your t? Did you know trusting him/her more was possible? Did you know you didn't trust him/her enough before you began to do it? If you had to try to think of something that could have made it happen a little more quickly, what would it be? That was a lot more than one question .

It took well over a year. I felt skeptical, suspicious, trepidation, fear...maybe more.

Skepticism gave way to possible.

At that time, I never trusted anyone.

Not entirely sure what would have made me trust her faster. Perhaps if my back were against the wall and I had crossed that place of an actual sui attempt. I would have had no choice but to surrender to the place of trust if I wanted to live.

I began to trust her because I slowly realized she saved my life and has on more than one occasion. It took a long time.

I am not very trustful. After being badly burned by my 1st T, it took me extra long to trust my new T. Probably a year. But I am still working on it. Even though I KNOW she is completely trustworthy, I have trouble trusting at times-- and that's totally MY issue which is my fault, nothing to do with my T. However, I know that if push came to shove I could totally trust her with anything-- we talk about anything and everything even really hard stuff, and I wouldnt' do that with someone I didn't trust.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by learning1

I think I've read a number of times people say it took a year to trust their to. I don't remember who said it though. If it took you a long time, I have a question for you... what did it feel like before you got to the point of trusting your t? Did you know trusting him/her more was possible? Did you know you didn't trust him/her enough before you began to do it? If you had to try to think of something that could have made it happen a little more quickly, what would it be? That was a lot more than one question .

It took me at least a year, probably longer, before I felt I could really trust my T with the hard stuff.

Before then, I kinda felt like I could trust my T, but I just had to let myself. I was always very anxious, on edge, just waiting for the other shoe to drop and for her disappoint me or hurt me. Finally, I just told her all that, and she reassured me that she wasn't going to intentionally hurt me or disappoint me. We talked about trust and the things I felt she'd done so far to show that I could trust her. We talked about how trust goes both ways and she told me some of the things that I've done as a client that helped to build trust.

Yes, I knew I could trust her more and that I didn't trust her enough until after that conversation. Even then, it took a while longer for me to process it. For me, I don't think anything other than repeated positive experiences would have helped me to trust my T, so I'm not sure that trust could have been built any sooner. Probably the only thing that would have made a difference would have been more frequent sessions. If I'd been seeing my T twice a week instead of once a week, I might have started trusting her sooner, because I'd have had more positive experiences built up in a shorter amount of time.

There are still times when I question whether I can trust my T, but now I just ask her "I can trust you, right?" and she reassures me that yes, I can trust her, and reminds me of why.

[o.kay]

I don't know if I will ever trust anyone fully. I've seen a T for years and have always remained guarded. I think over time I've allowed myself to share a little more of myself but I am very cautious of what I put out there. And it still causes me a lot of anxiety .

[Nelliecat]

After a year of seeing T I still don't completely trust her. I think she will leave, I think she's not bothered about me and I think she thinks a whole host of negative things about me but.......... with time these feelings are less and less sizeable. She is proving she's consistent, she replies to my questions of her leaving with a consistent 'no', she's truthful when I check things out with her about me and my trust is growing. It's slow but I think the only thing that works for me is giving it time.

[stopdog]

I think it sort of depends upon the trusting the therapist for what?
1. I reasonably trust that the one I see will basically be on time, not get near me, not touch me, not come after me when I quit or cancel, does not seemed fazed by rage, I have nothing so outrageous or interesting that what I say is going to bother the woman, and she can take care of herself.
2. I do not know whether she knows what she is doing (any of them, not just the one I see), does not seem to listen, appointments seem to have no connection to each other, does not admit to mistakes/refuses to apologize, won't explain how therapy works or what each of us is supposed to be doing, expresses sympathy/empathy at odd times and it is never reassuring, telling the woman stuff usually leaves me feeling frustrated and worse than not and she refuses to explain how telling her stuff is supposed to help.

So I trust that if I tell her something, she will not generally react at me badly. I do not trust that it matters or is helpful to me in any way.

It was a gradual process. I carry the trust within me now. After 9yrs I have all the evidence that T is to be trusted. If she says something she has stood by it.

[KazzaX]

I haven't trusted one yet. Don't think I ever will. It is not important to me because I was always told (and I agree) "People will only treat you the way you allow them to treat you" - told to me by my very first therapist. I will not allow anybody (and I mean anybody) to stab me in the back. So that option is definitely off the table!

[ColourBars]

Took me about a month. I was pretty desperate for any sort of positive support, thought a T would be the best bet and him knowing my stuff doesn't affect my person life. Also, I was recommended my T through a person I greatly trust so I was in good hands. =)

However, I always worry if what I'm saying in Therapy isn't... enough? Like, saying "I feel pretty sad/upset/depressed". It sounds kinda empty. I mean, is that all and is it worth his time hearing kinda thing?