it's wednsday

granite1 · Mar 28, 2012, 06:53 AM

and i have no idea what to expect from it .after the way i have been behaving these last weeks i have been completely numb and feeling really detached from everything.i havn't been able to talk much in T these last few sessions or at all and i was doing so well with that for quite a while i mean i wasn't sharing my deep dark secrites but i was using my words.now i'm just scared or dont want to deal i dont know because i am just so detached from it all.i feel like i am in my own little bubble and i dont want to go there and have her pop it and let all the pain i was feeling back into me.not unless i can talk about it and i dont think i can,or won't.

i want to show her my journal ,i want to talk about my Hubby and the SI.i want to tell her how bad i had been feeling,i want to tell her i want to talk to her,i want to tell her i want the stuff i wrote last session back,in fact i want all the stuff i did back.it feels like i am way exposed after what i wrote las session i shouldnt have written that at all.

i know it is the same issues week after week.i know that sometimes repititon is ok and needs to happen i think .but what it that is it week after week.that i will never go any further and that is all there will ever be for me.that sux

unaluna · Mar 28, 2012, 07:22 AM

That's "perspective". That is seeing the hard drudge miles you've climbed to get to this point on Mt Everest. But there is more hard work, and the reward, still ahead. (i am reading stories about climbing Mt Everest as I try to get used to my CPAP sleeping mask - oxygen! - and they are scary and inspiring, but be prepared, probaly more dumb mountain climbing examples in the next few weeks). Good luck today

So does your T understand that red and pink eventually have to merge to become rose? or two sides of the same rose petal? I don't get why you can't be one or the other, whoever you are at the moment. I don't think she should be stopping any expression of yourself at THIS point.

karebear1 · Mar 28, 2012, 07:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by granite1

and i have no idea what to expect from it .after the way i have been behaving these last weeks i have been completely numb and feeling really detached from everything.i havn't been able to talk much in T these last few sessions or at all and i was doing so well with that for quite a while i mean i wasn't sharing my deep dark secrites but i was using my words.now i'm just scared or dont want to deal i dont know because i am just so detached from it all.i feel like i am in my own little bubble and i dont want to go there and have her pop it and let all the pain i was feeling back into me.not unless i can talk about it and i dont think i can,or won't.

i want to show her my journal ,i want to talk about my Hubby and the SI.i want to tell her how bad i had been feeling,i want to tell her i want to talk to her,i want to tell her i want the stuff i wrote last session back,in fact i want all the stuff i did back.it feels like i am way exposed after what i wrote las session i shouldnt have written that at all.

i know it is the same issues week after week.i know that sometimes repititon is ok and needs to happen i think .but what it that is it week after week.that i will never go any further and that is all there will ever be for me.that sux

Granite- I think you're thinking about too much all at once and it's probably shutting you down because it is too much. Can you take just one thing- the smallest of things, and think about that and how to approach it with T? It doesn't have to be all or nothing- it can be just a little piece here, a little piece there. I don't know a lot about therapy, but I do know I've been in therapy for 2 1/2 years now, and we have just barely (and I do me barely- like maybe I sentence on the subject... and then I shut down) touched on any of my stuff. I think it's harder for some than it is for others to release all that pain.

Please be patient with yourself. You deserve it. You can do it- one little bit at a time.

granite1 · Mar 28, 2012, 07:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hankster

That's "perspective". That is seeing the hard drudge miles you've climbed to get to this point on Mt Everest. But there is more hard work, and the reward, still ahead. (i am reading stories about climbing Mt Everest as I try to get used to my CPAP sleeping mask - oxygen! - and they are scary and inspiring, but be prepared, probaly more dumb mountain climbing examples in the next few weeks). Good luck today

So does your T understand that red and pink eventually have to merge to become rose? or two sides of the same rose petal? I don't get why you can't be one or the other, whoever you are at the moment. I don't think she should be stopping any expression of yourself at THIS point.

i think sometimes she does try to get me to see rose but that never seems to work.i think she also wants to hear what the part of me she calls pink has to say.she says that is the part of me that holds all the trama in my life.

granite1 · Mar 28, 2012, 07:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by karebear1

Granite- I think you're thinking about too much all at once and it's probably shutting you down because it is too much. Can you take just one thing- the smallest of things, and think about that and how to approach it with T? It doesn't have to be all or nothing- it can be just a little piece here, a little piece there. I don't know a lot about therapy, but I do know I've been in therapy for 2 1/2 years now, and we have just barely (and I do me barely- like maybe I sentence on the subject... and then I shut down) touched on any of my stuff. I think it's harder for some than it is for others to release all that pain.

Please be patient with yourself. You deserve it. You can do it- one little bit at a time.

i am going to try i swear it will be an accomplishment if i can say hi without some encouragement from T.she insists i at least say hi to her when we meet

mixedup_emotions · Mar 28, 2012, 08:27 AM

(((( granite ))))

There have been times during T that you have felt so good and so safe with her. I am hoping you can find those feelings again and hold onto them, to help guide you through this session.

If you can share with her even this particular struggle....not the contents of it, but the feelings themselves, it would be a very big step.....

granite1 · Mar 28, 2012, 08:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

(((( granite ))))

There have been times during T that you have felt so good and so safe with her. I am hoping you can find those feelings again and hold onto them, to help guide you through this session.

If you can share with her even this particular struggle....not the contents of it, but the feelings themselves, it would be a very big step.....

i so remember those feelings i really do.i want to feel that way again because it was nice but i have no idea what made that possible at all.if it was just how i felt that day or something she did .thanks for reminding me of those times sometimes i really forget that is possible

WikidPissah · Mar 28, 2012, 09:58 AM

Good luck today Granite, I hope you can manage to get out a few things you want to!

Sannah · Mar 28, 2012, 10:57 AM

granite you have made progress in therapy. This is all part of your journey. I hope that you can talk about some of the things on your list here. The list is really good.

granite1 · Mar 28, 2012, 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sannah

granite you have made progress in therapy. This is all part of your journey. I hope that you can talk about some of the things on your list here. The list is really good.

i just dont feel like i have these days much at all.but thanks sannah.maybe i will if i can talk today.i havn't been able to for the last 2 sessions .she thinks i'm angry at her