[Chopin99]

Almost done with Chapter 2...woot!

26. What do you tend to do with your feelings-ignore them or let them be in charge? Why do you think you respond this way?
I fluctuate between the two. As a child, adolescent, and young adult, I let them be in charge. Then, I learned to suppress them and become totally numb. Through therapy, I've learned how to feel again, but sometimes they get a bit out of control.
27. What do you tend to do with feelings of anger?
Yell, scream, hit something (pillow, bed, etc.), write them out.
28. If you are nursing any feelings of anger right now, what problem that needs to be addressed are they pointing you toward? What will you do about that problem?
I have some latent anger toward T. I wonder where she is going with my course of treatment and whether she is tired of treating me. I wonder about her methodology up until now. I will ask her about these things at my next session.
29. You are the only one who feels the effects of your attitudes and beliefs, and you are the only one who can change those attitudes and beliefs. Which attitudes and beliefs that you hold are causing you to make poor choices or experience pain? What will you do to get those attitudes and beliefs in line with God's truth?
The belief that I am inherently unworthy brings me much pain and has caused me to choose not to have solid boundaries in my life. The belief that I am doomed by God hurts beyond measure and leads me to believe that I have nothing to live for. I will attempt to believe that God loves me no matter where I am in my life and I am taking steps (via this book and therapy) to improve my self-worth.
30. Do you tend to feel responsible for other people's feelings, choices, and behaviors? In what areas of your life or for which people in your life do you do this? What will you do to gain a better understanding of what you are really responsible for?
Yes, in every area of my life. I plan to continue therapy and this curriculum.
31. When has someone interrupted the law of sowing and reaping in your life and protected you from consequences that could have been good teachers? What happened?
There were several incidences at work wherein I could have been terminated (a medication error, being severely behind on paperwork), but *friend* protected me. I didn't get in trouble and as a result, when I became I QP myself, I tended to stay behind in my work.
32. When have you interrupted the law of sowing and reaping in someone's life and protected that person from consequences that could have been good teachers? What happened?
I loaned large amounts of money to ex-GF and her H so that their children would not be homeless. For a time, they kept their home, and her H did not get a job and continued to spend money recklessly until the day that they actually lost their house and had to live with a family from their church for six months.
33. How often do you use the phrases "I had to" or "he/she made me" when you explain why you did or didn't do something?
I don't use it often anymore, but I did in my childhood and adolescence at school and as an adult at work with my boss (and sometimes blamed the boss in front of others). I am working on taking responsibility for my own actions.
34. What choices in your life have you failed to take responsibility for? Who are you blaming for what circumstances of your life?
At this time, I have taken responsibility for all the choices I have made in my life. I only blame myself.
35. When have you been caught up in valuing the approval of people rather than the approval of God? What lesson did you learn from that experience or from seeing someone else caught in that trap?
I do this all the time and always find myself getting hurt.
36. Where might you be seeking power, riches, or pleasure in an attempt to satisfy your deepest longing, which is really for love? How would taking responsibility for loving the wrong things affect your life?
I have a tendency to try to find happiness in material possessions and food at times, but I really do long for love and acceptance. If I took responsibility for it, I would probably be thinner and have more money.
37. We can't change other people or make them behave right, but we can gain some distance from them. Where in your life today would you do well to limit your exposure to someone? Why would that be a wise move? What is keeping you from doing so?
I need distance from my parents right now so that I can process my childhood. Nothing is keeping me from doing it; I am doing it.
38. Setting our own internal limits helps us create better boundaries. We need self-control without repression. What destructive desires do you need to learn to say no to? What good desires do you need to learn to say no to because the timing isn't right?
I need not to rely on others for my happiness or worth. I need not to throw myself at anyone who pays me the least little bit of attention. I need to let relationships run their course rather than trying to force them.
39. What talents, gifts, and abilities has God given you?
Playing the piano, writing (prose, poetry, and technical), intelligence, organization, empathy, artistic endeavors.
40. What talents, gifts, and abilities are you currently exercising? How do you feel about what you are doing?
All of the above with the exception of playing the piano. I feel very good about utilizing the skills I have and it brings me enjoyment.
41. What talents, gifts, or abilities are you afraid to exercise? What is the root of those fears? What steps will you take to overcome those fears?
Playing the piano in front of others. I have been told I am very good. However, prior to any performance as a child, adolescent, or young adult, I would become so nervous, I would vomit. I participated in recitals once per year between the ages of 8-13. I had guild auditions where I was judged between the ages of 9-11. In college, I had three "juries" where I had to perform for a grade in front of my professor, the vice-chair of the music department, and the conductor of our local symphony. In church, I played the keyboard every service for three years. For three Easter cantatas, I accompanied the choir because the music was too difficult for the church pianist. Thinking about these things is causing anxiety to arise within me. I don't know what steps I'll take to overcome this. I am actually rather rusty when it comes to the piano.
42. We must own our own thoughts. Do you think things through for yourself, or do you tend to accept other people's ideas and let them do your thinking for you? Why? Name one area of your life where you would do well to think through some issues for yourself.
I tend to accept other people's ideas and ways of thinking simply because it is easier. It also absolves me of blame. I need to think through my therapy issues for myself.
43. We must grow in knowledge and expand our minds. What are you doing to grow in your knowledge of God and His Word? Of God and His Creation? How are you using your brain to glorify God?
I am not doing much Bible study at this time. I feel I use my brain to glorify God by actually using it rationally and reasonably.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Chopin99

32. When have you interrupted the law of sowing and reaping in someone's life and protected that person from consequences that could have been good teachers? What happened?
I loaned large amounts of money to ex-GF and her H so that their children would not be homeless. For a time, they kept their home, and her H did not get a job and continued to spend money recklessly until the day that they actually lost their house and had to live with a family from their church for six months.

I don't see how Christian charity can be reconciled with the law of sowing and reaping.

If you wished to extend charity to the children, what else could you have done?

[Chopin99]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I don't see how Christian charity can be reconciled with the law of sowing and reaping.

If you wished to extend charity to the children, what else could you have done?

Once they lost the house, I could have opened my home to them; I did not wish to make that great a sacrifice.

Actually losing their home was the impetus the husband needed to finally get off his @$$, go back to school, become a nuclear technician, and travel the world while working and making quite good money. They live in a nice rental house that they plan to buy once their credit improves.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Chopin99

Once they lost the house, I could have opened my home to them; I did not wish to make that great a sacrifice.

I don't think we can do everything for someone; you lent the money AND they had an opportunity to learn the principal of sowing and reaping (by his continuing to not work and spend money recklessly) when they lost the house anyway. Taking them in right away would not have given that opportunity, that moment to think about one's actions. Especially if you had taken them in, after having already bailed them out; they would have seen you as a safety net, perhaps always there.

[Chopin99]

Originally Posted by Perna

I don't think we can do everything for someone; you lent the money AND they had an opportunity to learn the principal of sowing and reaping (by his continuing to not work and spend money recklessly) when they lost the house anyway. Taking them in right away would not have given that opportunity, that moment to think about one's actions. Especially if you had taken them in, after having already bailed them out; they would have seen you as a safety net, perhaps always there.

Yep, that's exactly the point, Perna. Actually, I probably should not have loaned the money. Then the husband would have seen the error of his ways probably 3-6 months sooner.

That being said, I know there was nothing wrong with loaning the money. However, by saying no to loaning more money and by not offering to open my home to them, it was one of the first steps I took (this happened 4 years ago) toward setting boundaries in my life.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Chopin99

Actually, I probably should not have loaned the money. Then the husband would have seen

But he didn't even when he had the second chance your loaning the money afforded him; I don't see anything at all wrong in your behavior or attitude and, if you could afford the money, you could not know that he would not see the error of his ways. The only thing I can see that "might" have been a failure of boundaries on your part is if you could not afford to lend the money and then lent it anyway, causing a potential difficulty for yourself or your family, or, if you lent it and he didn't see his error and you lent more.

I lend and someone pays me back and then I lend more; my boundary is if you do not pay back, you don't get more. A person has to show they are trying to work on their problems themselves, "words" alone won't do it.

[Chopin99]

Originally Posted by Perna

But he didn't even when he had the second chance your loaning the money afforded him; I don't see anything at all wrong in your behavior or attitude and, if you could afford the money, you could not know that he would not see the error of his ways. The only thing I can see that "might" have been a failure of boundaries on your part is if you could not afford to lend the money and then lent it anyway, causing a potential difficulty for yourself or your family, or, if you lent it and he didn't see his error and you lent more.

I lend and someone pays me back and then I lend more; my boundary is if you do not pay back, you don't get more. A person has to show they are trying to work on their problems themselves, "words" alone won't do it.

I lent what we could afford to lend at the time and no more. It took years for my ex-GF to pay me back, but she has.

[CantExplain]

And this was after she tried to run you down?!

You get an A for forgiveness, anyway.