[struggling2]

that i could lay on T's couch with my head in her lap as she played with my hair and told me about all the things I need to know about life....

i KNOW this will never happen and i KNOW that if it was ever offered i would be so uncomfortable i wouldnt be able to allow it to happen.

i feel too old to be wanting that. im mid-thirties and should probably just worry about having my own kids and giving them the comfort and guidance i never received but there's such a part of me that needs to know what that "Real" motherly love/relationship is like. i just want to experience it. how can i give that to my own child if i dont know what its life. and how do i fill that void and just let it go. bygones be bygones..........

[Perna]

I had that dream, literally so feel better about how you feel about feeling that! My unconscious was with you. I think it is part of the territory; it helps to work with all the stuff that comes up in therapy; I told my T about my dream and we discussed it :-)

[Hope-Full]

I could have written your post word-for-word struggling.... You are for sure NOT alone in that wish!

Not sure I'm ready to have that conversation with T yet, though. I give you huge props for that Perna!

Im so sorry i understand what you mean. I think its ok to still want that. I know of some old, old women who still long for it. We are made to want/ need intimate connections.

You CAN still give it to your children, even if you never received it yourself. And I think there is something healing in doing things for your children that no one ever did for you. At least, for me there was a lot of healing in it.

[jenluv]

I agree with my kids are cool. It's not the same, but it's very, very healing.

[likelife]

I could have written your post verbatim. You're definitely not alone with this.

And it is healing to offer this kind of nurturing to your own kids. The kind of love I've learned to experience as a parent has been beyond any understanding of love I'd ever had before.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by struggling2

i feel too old to be wanting that.

You want what you want. There's no shame in that.

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by struggling2

that i could lay on T's couch with my head in her lap as she played with my hair and told me about all the things I need to know about life....

i KNOW this will never happen and i KNOW that if it was ever offered i would be so uncomfortable i wouldnt be able to allow it to happen.

i feel too old to be wanting that. im mid-thirties and should probably just worry about having my own kids and giving them the comfort and guidance i never received but there's such a part of me that needs to know what that "Real" motherly love/relationship is like. i just want to experience it. how can i give that to my own child if i dont know what its life. and how do i fill that void and just let it go. bygones be bygones..........

It is a wonderful fantasy. Have you talked about it with her?

I can tell you that I felt the same way (and I am way older by about 25 years!) and I can tell you that it has gotten better. It's hard to talk about wanting it when you just want it, but those talks really helped me.

I agree with MKAC , I helped raise my partners children and was great at it, I mean we all make mistakes, I just did the opposite of what my mom did. Or sometimes just what logically or naturally felt right. Yet I too still long for that motherly love.

[unaluna]

Sometimes T will wrap his arms around me (over my arms) from behind, either sitting on the kiddie chairs, or doing a conga line to the door at the end of session (no, no other parts are touching), and that is a super secure feeling. Why do I share these things? Hey, if you are lucky enough to have a partner, try it out!

[struggling2]

I have not talked about this with T specifically. I'm afraid to admit it. I put on a pretty tough persona...struggle to show vulnerability and weakness. To me wanting that is somewhat of a weakness.....I've never been needy or emotional or consciously been aware of wanting affection...now out of nowhere it's like "somebody be my mommmmmyyyy waaaahhhhhhh!!!" It's freaking me out!!!

[growlycat]

Being hugged by my T doesn't happen all of the time but I love it more than anything. I am flying home for a family event this week and I get to see my T "in person" for a change. Hoping I get a hug, hoping I can at least ask.

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by struggling2

I have not talked about this with T specifically. I'm afraid to admit it. I put on a pretty tough persona...struggle to show vulnerability and weakness. To me wanting that is somewhat of a weakness.....I've never been needy or emotional or consciously been aware of wanting affection...now out of nowhere it's like "somebody be my mommmmmyyyy waaaahhhhhhh!!!" It's freaking me out!!!

What could be wrong with wanting to feel safe and cared for?
What you want is not literal, and that is why you can talk about it with T.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by struggling2

I have not talked about this with T specifically. I'm afraid to admit it. I put on a pretty tough persona...struggle to show vulnerability and weakness. To me wanting that is somewhat of a weakness.....I've never been needy or emotional or consciously been aware of wanting affection...now out of nowhere it's like "somebody be my mommmmmyyyy waaaahhhhhhh!!!" It's freaking me out!!!

Here's an opportunity to explore being less tough.

It was hard for me, too. But toughness is a barrier between you and T, and also an impediment to understanding yourself.

You built a shell to protect yourself. Wouldn't it be nice to take it off occasionally?

I had a shell made of anger. I thought I needed it, but it turns out to be dead weight. I'm happier without it.