[jazzy123456]

I went into another friend's counseling session today upon her request. I dealt with similar things in the past and had to withdraw/incomplete/drop classes due to depression/inability to concentrate. I still struggle with depression but, not at the same 'clinical' deep level that I did 2 years ago. It was very redeeming to step in on someone elses behalf for issues I dealt with 2 years prior and be their voice when they felt too weak to speak for themselves. It was obvious counselors have a lot of rules about confidentiality and privacy but, if their client is insisting on someone to be there, isn't therapy about what's best for the client, not necessarily what the therapist thinks is best all the time. I know my mom came in 2 years ago in one of my sessions. Maybe this therapist isn't use to that dynamic... who knows? And if you've read my posts for the last 2 years or so, you can accurately assume that my friend is new to counseling in general and wanted me there for support because I have experienced it. The plan was to come to this particular session and that was it. We managed to cover issues involving her need to drop classes, I wrote down a plan for her, handed it to the therapist and had some brief things to say. It made me sad that the therapist seemed to be more disconcerted and upset at my presence. I tried to be as humble and stayed quiet as much as possible, until my friend asked me to step in and help her articulate, what for many days she hasn't been able to. After this, I will no longer be coming to sessions with her- I only came and informed the therapist that I came to HELP with her school issues. That was it- nothing more, nothing less. It was interesting to say the least and I am proud of myself but, it made me sad because I'm use to people pleasing and it was interesting to put my friend's well being over even my own personal comfort level of being liked or accepted. In fact, it would have been easier to stay at home- it's not like I wasn't nervous or upset to a small extent on my friend's behalf, if only that therapist knew how my insides we're squirming with butterflies on the inside! I've never had to do something like that before. I just had to be strong for my friend today and keep my personal concerns abay. Anyone have experience helping others with a therapy session? How did it go? I think the only thing I would have changed was telling my friend to send her therapist an email informing that she wanted me to attend her session that week, so her therapist wouldn't have been caught off guard.

And Really IMPORTANT question--

What if, in the back of your head, you feel a personal experience is not at all that bad- but, your therapist has already formulated a picture of what that experience was like to you and you realize that that therapist is basing a lot of her views and your therapy on that opinion. Do you bring up what you perceive as an error? Or do you keep quiet? I don't necessarily feel like bringing it up. What if, originally you didn't even find it a concern but, you can tell your therapist does- you are tempted to make it the same level of concern but, aren't you just mirroring your therapist at this point... instead of focusing on what you know already about your particular experience, your going along with whatever your therapist thinks. this is a CSA experience. but, ummm i hope my question made sense.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Jazzy to your first question - no experience with this, can't say anything.

to the second one - boing - yes - you can PM me if you want.

SAWE

[WePow]

Ts tend to be protective of their clients in the therapy space. Your friend should have told her T that she was going to bring you. But what is done is done. But that might help you understand her T's response. You did a good thing by going there for your friend. And after all, THAT is the relationship you were assisting in that now. Your friend will always remember that you were there for her when she needed you. And what could be more important than that?

About the CSA item, a huge part of CSA is minimalizing the events. Ts are trained to spot the unconscious things that upset us. So naturally a client may have no idea that the event has caused the subconscious impact it has caused.

The best thing to do is to be very frank with T about your perceptions. The reason is not to suggest T is wrong about things, but instead it will help T better understand your point of view at this time about the event. And that can tell a lot more information that just going along with whatever T happens to be saying about it. Even when we insist and feel that something does not matter, those very emotions are a big part of the equation.

[faith1983]

I agree with WePow.. Would have been better to let t know beforehand that your friend would not be alone for her appointment, but that's great that you were able to step up for her also.
I have kind of a different opinion about it when it comes to myself though. I'm currently helping a friend who is in therapy right now but would not go in one of her session even if she asked me (unless I think her t is unethical or something like that) because I would be afraid to enable her with her communication problem and disempower her (like if, by speaking for her, I was telling her: "you're right, you cannot do it, I'll do it for you" . She needs to learn to step up for herself and therapy is the best place to do it in my opinion. BUT this is the reaction I have with my friend and the situation is probably really different from yours (depression is not one of the issues my friend has).

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by faith1983

I have kind of a different opinion about it when it comes to myself though. I'm currently helping a friend who is in therapy right now but would not go in one of her session even if she asked me (unless I think her t is unethical or something like that) because I would be afraid to enable her with her communication problem and disempower her (like if, by speaking for her, I was telling her: "you're right, you cannot do it, I'll do it for you" . She needs to learn to step up for herself and therapy is the best place to do it in my opinion. BUT this is the reaction I have with my friend and the situation is probably really different from yours (depression is not one of the issues my friend has).

I think this is a very valid point. My family is like this. They expect me to jump in and fix things and help them. And something in me feels guilty when I don't do it. I instantly thought of this when I read the first question. However, that's me casting my life upon it, not me reacting to the question.

As far as the second question goes, I have such a strong tendency to minimize. I don't know how to tell what is right and what is wrong in this situation. I struggle trying to figure this out. I feel like I am right, but the more I read about CSA, the more I think that my perceptions are distorted.

[jazzy123456]

Originally Posted by WePow

Ts tend to be protective of their clients in the therapy space. Your friend should have told her T that she was going to bring you. But what is done is done. But that might help you understand her T's response. You did a good thing by going there for your friend. And after all, THAT is the relationship you were assisting in that now. Your friend will always remember that you were there for her when she needed you. And what could be more important than that?

About the CSA item, a huge part of CSA is minimalizing the events. Ts are trained to spot the unconscious things that upset us. So naturally a client may have no idea that the event has caused the subconscious impact it has caused.

The best thing to do is to be very frank with T about your perceptions. The reason is not to suggest T is wrong about things, but instead it will help T better understand your point of view at this time about the event. And that can tell a lot more information that just going along with whatever T happens to be saying about it. Even when we insist and feel that something does not matter, those very emotions are a big part of the equation.

Wepow thanks, i really think this covers it for me because now I realize that I can talk about what I perceive, (if I feel like it) instead of just blurting out my T is wrong. This way she can have a new way of interperting it without bringing out confrontation. this makes sense. thanks for the reply. I agree that many times clients have no idea of their feelings in correlation to certain events

[stopdog]

I tell the therapist she is wrong all the time. What is wrong with telling them when they are not correct?

[jazzy123456]

Originally Posted by faith1983

I agree with WePow.. Would have been better to let t know beforehand that your friend would not be alone for her appointment, but that's great that you were able to step up for her also.
I have kind of a different opinion about it when it comes to myself though. I'm currently helping a friend who is in therapy right now but would not go in one of her session even if she asked me (unless I think her t is unethical or something like that) because I would be afraid to enable her with her communication problem and disempower her (like if, by speaking for her, I was telling her: "you're right, you cannot do it, I'll do it for you" . She needs to learn to step up for herself and therapy is the best place to do it in my opinion. BUT this is the reaction I have with my friend and the situation is probably really different from yours (depression is not one of the issues my friend has).

Alright, what you say makes sense. I agree that we don't want to enable our friends... I think I was going with my gut feeling/senses.. (especially cus she's dealing with suicidal thoughts) that this is more of an 'intervention' then a casual decision to agree to come to a session. Usually, I actually wouldn't necessarily want to step in to much because I believe people should learn to speak for themselves but, every situation is different and some people, I guess, have times when they just need that. I know that therapist was thinking- dang-this girl is controlling of my client lol. .. but, i know truth.

[jazzy123456]

Originally Posted by pbutton

I think this is a very valid point. My family is like this. They expect me to jump in and fix things and help them. And something in me feels guilty when I don't do it. I instantly thought of this when I read the first question. However, that's me casting my life upon it, not me reacting to the question.

As far as the second question goes, I have such a strong tendency to minimize. I don't know how to tell what is right and what is wrong in this situation. I struggle trying to figure this out. I feel like I am right, but the more I read about CSA, the more I think that my perceptions are distorted.

Your second paragraph i could take verbatim- I am the same way

I guess it's true that sometimes CSA survivors have a hard time validating their experience.

[learning1]

i think it's good you went to one session to try to help your friend even though it was difficult for you. idk about the speaking for onesself issue, but just one session wouldn't hurt much anyway. i think I'd like to have a friend who would do that.