[Chopin99]

Session today was a bit relaxed. T came out to get me and she wasn't wearing her wig! She has hair...about an inch long, mixed gray and black, slightly curly. I told her I thought it was great she ditched the wig. She said she still had trouble when she saw herself in the mirror. She's going to get it styled (maybe colored) over the weekend.

I told her how my week had been chronologically:
1. Dreaming of my abusive ex-boss and having her show up at work the next day. Since she showed, I haven't dreamed about her again. T thought maybe my subconscious was working though what she did to me and seeing her and not being triggered was a sign of healing in that area.
2. CARF accreditation survey at work. It was the first time I saw my new boss stressed. I told her about feeling overwhelmed and being "grilled" by the surveyors. About being constantly "on" and feeling drained by that. However, I felt confident and answered questions confidently. I said I am confident that we will receive our 3-year accreditation, but we have to wait 6-7 weeks to find out for certain. T said that was great.
3. Ex-GF finally getting in touch with me about getting together with her and my godchildren and actually following through. I told her the visit went well. The kids had their pictures made; I showed T a couple...she thought they were very cute. I told her ex-GF seemed much more stable and had not been drinking. That her pdoc seems to have her med regimen straightened out. T said that was great.
4. Teaching classes by myself for the very first time at our out of town office at work. I said I did surprisingly well; once I got over my initial shyness. I told her while I was in another city, I found out that if I acted confident and flirted a little, I got attention. Even got a free drink out of it. This made her laugh.
5. I told her all the stress was making me break out like a teenager. In the past, I would have freaked over it, but my attitude now is "just slap some make-up over it and keep on going". T grinned.
6. I ended with this: Today, I woke up late and missed a meeting out of town. So I called out of work. I was surprised when H came through the door. He told me the center director caught him sleeping at his console and had H's direct supervisor confront him. She asked H if he needed to go home and he said yes, he wasn't feeling well. H wanted to apologize to the center director before he left, but he was in a meeting. He wrote him an email instead. Just before I left for T, the director emailed him back and said he knew H took his job seriously so he was concerned about his health because he's already missed 7 days of work in 2012. I think H is burned out and I know he's not getting enough sleep. T was quite concerned about burnout and recommended a regular bedtime for both of us since I've had trouble sleeping also. We discussed employment options, but really didn't come up with any ideas for H.

T said it seemed like I was beginning to see my worth as a person and what I have to offer. She told me it was so nice to finally see me happy/content. She said I had a light in my eyes I haven't had before. She said she really couldn't describe what I looked like before; she said I wasn't vacant, but...she then went silent thinking. I said my boss told me once that it was as if there was no light in my eyes at all and he saw a lot of anxiety in me. She said she would describe it as a pervasive anxiety or fear...and it's gone. She stated I still had a way to go, but now I could see that healing IS possible and that going through the hard stuff will be worth it at the end.

She had to move my appointment after she returns from her surgery in May. She told me she was having trouble with appointments between herself and the front office. She double-booked twice last week and once today. I asked her how she handled it. She said last week when she went out and two people were waiting for her in the waiting room, she felt really horrible. She said sometimes people get really upset about it and understandably so. She's trying to schedule people herself now so that the front office doesn't get confused (which seems to happen a lot). She said since she has so many doctor's appointments in April, she decided not to work Wednesdays, so she's only working 2.5 days a week. She told the front office she is NOT accepting new patients right now, but they keep scheduling people anyway. She seemed frustrated with it all.

She asked me my plans for the weekend and I told her I wasn't sure, but we didn't have much money to do anything with. She said it sounded like a grilling-out kind of weekend. I told her that was a good idea.

We side-hugged at the end, but she leaned her head against mine...she's never done that before and was kinda sweet. I asked her if I should start the hard stuff next week and she said I already knew the answer to that...it would always be "yes". She then looked up at the mirror in her office at herself and said, "Aaah!" I told her on the way out that her hair actually made her look really cute. She said, "I haven't had hair this short since I was a baby." I said, "The gray really doesn't look that bad. You ought to go with it." She said, "Men can get away with it; people say they look distinguished. They say women look old." I said since I have no gray, I didn't feel truly qualified to comment, but I thought it was bull, winked at her, and left.

So, here we go. I hope I have the courage...and I hope she will sit with me on the loveseat when I start talking.

This sounds so good. It seems like you are in a good place. You deserve to be.

[tkdgirl]

Chopin it sounds like you had a great session, I'm happy things are falling in place for you.

[Freefall1974]

That is a very touching ending. Got a little misty!