[healed84]

Last week I shared with T about CSA.. I didn't want to really talk about it then and he was okay with that. He said he would push me a little bit a time, but try not to go overboard as well. He thought that this one incident might have a lot to do with my issues I am dealing with right now.

Well, we talked about it a little more today.. we didn't really get too in depth, but it was just too much. T seeing that I was getting overwhelmed decided to end the session kind of early. I was okay with that.. However, at the end he was confirming that I was already scheduled for next week..and I just could not get out of my seat. I don't know where I was. T asked if I was going to be okay and I said I don't know and pretty much broke down right there. I have never cried in front of him before today.. He spent the next 10mins grounding me, reassuring me, etc.

I walked out feeling a bit better, but I am just so overwhelmed on the verge of tears at any second. T said he pushed me and thought maybe that he may have pushed me a little too much and he aplogized for that. Then he said that he would make a note not to bring it up unless I started to talk about it. I said, that might not be a good idea b/c I may never bring it back up. Which, I think maybe a mistake.. I desperartley want to put a voice to something that never had a voice.. T even said that right now I am looking it has a big caged monster, and if I let it out really it won't feel that way and it won't overpower me like it is now. However, how am I supposed to talk about it if I end up how I did at my appointment today? Ugh.. I want to crawl in a hole and hide right now.

Oh and after writing this, I realized that maybe this might belong on the Surviors of abuse board.. Sorry if it seems out of place here.

[karebear1]

I'm sorry you had such a hard time in your session today. I wish I had an answer fo you, but I'm afraid I have similar responses to yours. The only thing I can suggest is to take it a little at a time- and hopefully, before you know it, it will all be out.

Do you think there was a question or statement by T that maybe pushed you over the edge, or did it seem like there were just questions, you answered pretty easily and after all was said and done, it hit you all at once?

[autumnleaves]

I can tell you that it's normal to feel overwhelmed. If you want to work through the CSA, it's gonna be hard, but you can do it. It will feel extremely overwhelming at first and things will probably get worse before it gets better, but after it gets better, it will get much, much better. It's worth it! Hang in there.

[stopdog]

I am sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. I hope it gets better soon.

[healed84]

Not feeling much better this morning.. I have spurts of getting my mind off of it all, I excersized, took my fast acting meds, have been reading, surfing the interenet, but I keep on coming back to this anxious/depressed feeling. all surrounding my appointment yesterday. I called and left a message with T.. hoping he will get back to me.