On Friday, my session was at 3. I arrived at 2.55. When I was still waiting at 3.20, I left. At 3.40, still not having heard from T, I returned to the waiting room. I was still waiting at 3.57. T wanted to know what I was thinking in that hour. And I wondered, what kinds of things would other PCers have thought?

(Happy to share what had happened, and my own thoughts, but wanted to see what you guys would have thought first )

[Hope-Full]

I would have been angry and scared - angry that T was running so late without telling me and angry at myself for messing up the appointment time. Scared that T forgot about me, scared that I made a big mistake...

I would likely spend the hour going back and forth between wanting to be mad at T, being worried something was going on, and being scared I screwed something up.

[Kacey2]

I would have been so upset. I would have thought t just was ending the relationship and that was that. I would have panicked and I would have been irrate! Probably cried too. Well actually no, I would have been too shaky and jacked up to cry at all. I would have cried later that night. Improving, what on earth happened?

[healed84]

For me.. if I had an appointment at 3 and T didn't come get me until 3:20, it would be normal. He runs late most of the time, but does cut me short of my time, and I am okay with it. However, a couple of appointments ago, I talked to him on the phone in the morning and he said he had an opening later that afternoon. When I got there, there was somebody in the room. I thought that was strange, b/c he said that appointment time was free. So, anyways.. by half an hour into the time he told me to come, I was starting to get upset. First, I was afraid that he forgot he told me to come in, then I thought he just didn't care that I was in there, then I thought while maybe that person was in crisis.. all of those thoughts. Finally, at 2:35 I went to the receptionist and she said she had paged him serveral times, and she didn't know what was taking so long. So, I left to go to the bathroom and clear my head..and by 2:45 he called me into his office. He apologized for the wait, but never explained himself. I just said that was fine and later I got mad at myself for not being more upset with him. Then, I thought while it was a special circumstance, b/c he had me come in last min. However, my emotions ran all over the place.

[stopdog]

I would not have waited an hour. The one I see has only been late once and I called her phone about 10 minutes in and she answered and opened her door. She said she had not realized the time. If she had not answered, I would have left a message and gone on to do something else and would have expected to hear from the therapist within a day. I probably would have thought an emergency came up, she thought I had cancelled, or she was dead (she is quite old). As long as she apologized, it was not a problem for me.

[elliemay]

I would like to think that first thought would have been that there had been a screw up in scheduling of some kind.

Honestly though, I would've gotten quite angry I think.

Fortunately that has never happened in all of my time with my current therapist. In fact, he has never been more than 5 minutes late.

Originally Posted by elliemay

I would like to think that first thought would have been that there had been a screw up in scheduling of some kind.

Sorry- should have added that she had texted me at 2pm to say 'I look forward to seeing you at 3'. The plot thickens!..

[Kacey2]

Ok, then I would have been worried. Were you aware if she was in her office or not? That would make a difference. I have to know that before I can figure out what I would think.

[stopdog]

If the therapist had texted, then I would simply have thought an emergency arose. That actually would have relieved any potential anxiety as I would know I had not made the mistake over time or date.

I would have thought "Where the f*c* is she?" "What happened NOW?" and then very quickly my thoughts would head to worse case scenario-- she died in a car accident. something heavy fell on her and she's being crushed.

[rainbow8]

I assume that your T has a private office, there is no receptionist, and she wasn't there. If my T's office door was closed but I knew she was there, I would have called her or knocked on the door. Of course if there was a receptionist I would have told him/her.

If my T called me an hour before to say she would see me in an hour I would assume that she was in a traffic accident. That's the way my mind works, unfortunately. I would panic and call her phone, since she always has her cell phone with her. I don't think I'd be angry, just anxious and upset. VERY anxious and worried I think. I would know it wasn't about me, that something happened--an accident or emergency.

[bluemountains]

Fortunately my t is always on time. I don't think I could stick with a t who is so inconsiderate of my time.
Bluemountains

[eclogite]

If mine were more than 10-15 minutes late (and she wasn't in her office with someone else running over time), I would have left. That's an action, though, not an emotion. I would have felt empowered for being assertive, and would have required an explanation and possibly an apology if it was warranted (her dealing with a time-sensitive personal crisis does not require an apology; her losing track of the time or a scheduling mistake requires an acknowledgement that I was inconvenienced). My time is valuable, and I won't sit there waiting for someone to maybe show up. I tend to reserve my emotional reaction until I know what happened, since there are plenty of valid reasons that have nothing to do with me for someone to be late and be unable to communicate it.

[anilam]

I start with annoyed, then angry and end with being scared that stg had happened to him.
Never happened to me in T but that's how I feel when somebody I know didn't show up and is not answering. Also I wouldn't waited for an hour, 15 mins and that's it.

Love to hear what you were thinking too:-)

Originally Posted by Improving

Sorry- should have added that she had texted me at 2pm to say 'I look forward to seeing you at 3'. The plot thickens!..

How odd! Emergency? So tell us. What did happen? (This why I love that my T has a secretary.)

[rainbow8]

Yes, Improving. Please tell us!!

[sconnie892]

My t has never been more than 2 or 3 min behind and even that is very rare so my answer is hypothetical. I probably would have checked the appointment card in my purse to make sure I had the correct time. If there was a receptionist there at that time I would have asked after 10 min. of waiting. (Sometimes there isn't a receptionist during later appointments.) If after 20 or 25 min there was no explanation from t or the receptionist for the delay, I would reschedule with the receptionist and leave. I sometimes have to rearrange my work day for appointments so I can't always wait around. My t is very firm with the ending "time" boundary in appointments, so I figure I have the right to be firm with starting time boundary also. If it turned out to be an emergency of course I would be understanding when I got that explanation.

As to what I would say to t, I am not sure. I am sure I would feel angry at least part of the time but I have a difficult time expressing anger with t. A lot of my response would hinge on the explanation for the delay.

[Nelliecat]

I'd deviate between feeling upset, abandoned and unloved and being very worried something had happened to her. Either way I'd probably cry.

What happened Improving?!

[jenluv]

Oh my goodness I'm dying to know what happened!

I would have gone through every right brain emotion and every left brain logical argument against it until I was just sitting there dissociative. Ha ha!

we would start out mildly annoyed and progress right through to furious in an hours time esp if we knew she was there

Sorry for the delay in coming back- it wasn't a deliberate strategy to heighten your intrigue!.. I wrote a post with my own thoughts, but it got swallowed during the PC maintenance time, and now I need to sleep! Will try again tomorrow.

Two minutes before the end of 'my' session T texted to say that a client she had seen earlier that day had behaved violently after leaving their session, and she had been on the phone to the police, psychiatrists and the client's family for an hour and twenty minutes.

[SpiritRunner]

Once with T2, I had to wait well over 45 minutes and I knew T was in her office and the receptionist (this was at a mental health agency) told me it would be a few minutes. Well, 10 minutes late I was still OK ..... but when it became 20-25 minutes I started getting ticked. I was thinking, who/what is so much more important than being on time today .... When the door opened and this person came out, all dazed and eyes glazed over, I thought, what was this all about?! But I was still furious, because I had a HUGE thing on my mind too and had to sit there with it all that time, not knowing what was going on and if I would get much time or not.
Turns out the person had a really dire situation going on .... all T would say was, yes, it was that bad. And she had been on the phone trying to line up help and stuff for this person. So then I felt rather small for being so mad about it ..... and T missed her lunch hour to give me my full time, plus a few extra minutes.
It's so easy to get mad or start imagining the worst when something like that happens ..... when it really is that someone else is facing a severe emergency and it must be taken care of, even if it means we're left waiting. After all, as T2 told me, I would do the same for you, if you were in need like that, even if it meant someone had to wait and would be upset. (and she did later ..... to the extent of giving me a ride home when I had wrecked my mom's car, a run-in with a barbed wire fence, and had barely limped back into town for my appt....and tires were flat when I came out ...... then she came in to talk to my mom and help us figure out what to do with the car and so on ..... someone was sitting waiting back at the office for her that day, just as I had sat and waited while she took care of someone else's emergency earlier ..... it comes back around!)

[mommyof2girls]

Thankfully my t is always on time, and we sometimes start earlier as I am always at least 15 minutes early.....

[learning1]

the longest I think would be reasonable (not embarrassing) to wait is 15 minutes, but I might fudge it and wait 17 or 18 hoping the t would show up and figuring I could pretend my watch was off if I needed . I would feel upset, frustrated, hurt. With one t, missed appointments happened pretty regularly, occasionally due to my mistake, a couple of times due to her mistakes, and a couple of times due to reasonable excuses from her (running late at a doctor, childcare, a funeral, maybe some other family medical thing- I don't remember). That was all within 6 months. The first few times she tried pretty hard to contact me and apologized pretty profusely, so I felt okay pretty quickly. After these things happened a few times, I started feeling pretty frustrated even when she had perfectly good reasons, but I felt too bad to tell her. It is really difficult for me to anticipate talking about something important to me and then find out I have to wait. The hassle of driving there was frustrating too, but feeling hurt I wouldn't get to talk about the things that were important to me was the worst part.

That's so hard. But I've been there as a T. I had a pre teen client that had violent outbursts a few times, in which we had to clear the office of objects and call in a crisis response team. One time I was physically assaulted. Making it so that several times my other clients have had to wait. I have had to call to reception at times to inform them. But there are times it is so hectic I don't get the chance.

I've had a few initial assessments that run over or turn to crisis that have to be put inpatient, running me over by a lot. I always call down to reception to let the client know what's going on, and that they can wait or we can try to reschedule.