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#26
May 05, 2012, 06:33 PM
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I've been in a similar situation, its awful but I can tell you, it does get better. Not right away but it will. keep holding onand racing out. Lean on any shoulder available. Sending you hugs
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#27
May 05, 2012, 06:47 PM
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Lola just wanted to offer my support. From the short time I have know you on PC you seem like an extremely strong person and while you might not feel like it right now you will rise above it.
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#28
May 05, 2012, 07:32 PM
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Hang in there Lola!!! ((hugs))
__________________
"You decide every moment of every day who you are and what you believe in. You get a second chance, every second." "You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be!" - J.K. Rowling. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. |
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#29
May 05, 2012, 07:35 PM
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Quote:
keep reaching out for support here. 
__________________
Happiness cannot be found through great effort and willpower, but is already present, in open relaxation and letting go. Don't strain yourself, there is nothing to do or undo. Whatever momentarily arises in the body-mind Has no real importance at all, has little reality whatsoever. Don't believe in the reality of good and bad experiences; they are today's ephemeral weather, like rainbows in the sky. ~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~ 
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#30
May 05, 2012, 08:57 PM
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I'm so sorry Lola Dear. If you need anything, feel free to PM me. I know it's tough, but you're tough too. I'm glad your T has been supportive.
Much love.
__________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. - Henry David Thoreau |
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#31
May 05, 2012, 09:30 PM
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I hear your pain. I'm so, so sorry this is so hard.
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#32
May 06, 2012, 02:02 AM
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Thankyou all , now where to move , i mean i hope she changes here mind but i dont know if she will...mand i have to be prepared
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#33
May 06, 2012, 03:07 AM
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Thinking of you, Lola. You don't have to get through all the coming days at once, and you do have the strength to go through each day.
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#34
May 06, 2012, 03:24 AM
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Quote:
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#35
May 06, 2012, 06:22 AM
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morning lola
 just stopping bye to see how you are doing and give hugsi wish i knew what i could do to just make this all go away for you
__________________
BEHAVIORS ARE EASY WORDS ARE NOT  Dx, HUMAN Rx, no medication for that |
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#36
May 06, 2012, 06:25 AM
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thinking of you this morning......
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#37
May 06, 2012, 07:02 AM
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Quote:
Quote:
Trigger for sex with therapist thoughts... I've been up for 22 hrs and using for 16 of those. I am tired, yet I want to ask my T via email to come to my house today for a session. When he agrees fingers crossed I am going to ask him upon arrival about sex, pornography , me being a , why an 18 year active lesbian wants to have sex with a man . Can be help me. Can we masturbate together , etc. I want him to **** me but thinking he won't. I'll flirt anyway... Trigger for sexual abuse , kinda incest My step brother who was a few weeks of a year older has been what I'm not sure but think was incest but probably mural.. I never told or fought it kind fly good and we never talked about it. He never fully penetrated me. I knew from a young age what a woman needed to do to please a man and be loved. I also saw same sex couples had to do the same only more even. When I was 17 after after 2 neighborhood teenage boys independently coheres me into sexual relations without penetration as I remember it. I hit puberty at 16 3/4. At 17 I took 2 of my sisters to a Dulles to meet some boys. We showed up eat girl found her man , I drank a beer or 3 and took the 1/2 black guy upstairs my duty. I'm thinking bj maybe handjob, rub his **** on my clit... Well I. The middle he slips its in... I make a noise, it hurt... He keeps pumping, I'm like ouch, keep pumping and ugh he's cumming no condom. I jump up got to. At room, I'm bleeding I get the girls we go home I say I started my period, took long shower. Entire family knew and talked about it as the black guy who raped me behind my back. |
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#38
May 06, 2012, 12:56 PM
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I am truly sorry for what happened to you Lola.. Right now, you are hurting it seems like things won't get better. However, your plans with your T aren't going to help you feel any better. You do need your T, but not in that sense. I really hope things get better for you. (((hugs))
__________________
"You decide every moment of every day who you are and what you believe in. You get a second chance, every second." "You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be!" - J.K. Rowling. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. |
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#39
May 06, 2012, 12:57 PM
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All will be fine T is ok and I'm going to a meeting, wish me luck
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#40
May 06, 2012, 01:13 PM
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LUCK. and hugs, tons of hugs.
__________________
never mind... |
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#41
May 06, 2012, 06:47 PM
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I don't think it's good that you keep using the drugs if that's what she left you over. (If I got that right. Okay, it'd be bad even if she hadn't.) Then again I can't really put myself in addict's position. Not knowing much about your situation, you probably need to really sort the drug problem out before she can trust you again. Best of luck though.
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#42
May 07, 2012, 12:33 AM
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__________________
Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby! |
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