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  #26  
Old May 05, 2012, 06:33 PM
Silent_tsol's Avatar
Silent_tsol Silent_tsol is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 895
I've been in a similar situation, its awful but I can tell you, it does get better. Not right away but it will. keep holding onand racing out. Lean on any shoulder available. Sending you hugs

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  #27  
Old May 05, 2012, 06:47 PM
tkdgirl tkdgirl is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2012
Posts: 440
Lola just wanted to offer my support. From the short time I have know you on PC you seem like an extremely strong person and while you might not feel like it right now you will rise above it.
  #28  
Old May 05, 2012, 07:32 PM
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healed84 healed84 is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2012
Posts: 7,574
Hang in there Lola!!! ((hugs))
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"You decide every moment of every day who you are and what you believe in. You get a second chance, every second."

"You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be!" - J.K. Rowling. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
  #29  
Old May 05, 2012, 07:35 PM
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rainbow_rose rainbow_rose is offline
looking for rainbows
 
Member Since: May 2011
Posts: 2,653
Quote:
Originally Posted by LolaCabanna View Post
I have never cried so hard in my life... It just keeps coming
i've been in a place like this...but was very alone. heartbreak like this is so hard. that was over 2 years ago and i am still here. i deeply empathize with you.

keep reaching out for support here.

__________________
Happiness cannot be found
through great effort and willpower,
but is already present,
in open relaxation and letting go.

Don't strain yourself,
there is nothing to do or undo.
Whatever momentarily arises
in the body-mind
Has no real importance at all,
has little reality whatsoever.

Don't believe in the reality
of good and bad experiences;
they are today's ephemeral weather,
like rainbows in the sky.


~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~

  #30  
Old May 05, 2012, 08:57 PM
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Chopin99 Chopin99 is offline
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Location: Southeastern US
Posts: 5,221
I'm so sorry Lola Dear. If you need anything, feel free to PM me. I know it's tough, but you're tough too. I'm glad your T has been supportive.

Much love.
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Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. - Henry David Thoreau
  #31  
Old May 05, 2012, 09:30 PM
Anonymous47147
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I hear your pain. I'm so, so sorry this is so hard.
  #32  
Old May 06, 2012, 02:02 AM
anonymous112713
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Thankyou all , now where to move , i mean i hope she changes here mind but i dont know if she will...mand i have to be prepared
  #33  
Old May 06, 2012, 03:07 AM
Anonymous32517
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Thinking of you, Lola. You don't have to get through all the coming days at once, and you do have the strength to go through each day.
  #34  
Old May 06, 2012, 03:24 AM
anonymous112713
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Apteryx View Post
Thinking of you, Lola. You don't have to get through all the coming days at once, and you do have the strength to go through each day.
Still cant sleepmthe darkness and the aroma cause me to just sit.
  #35  
Old May 06, 2012, 06:22 AM
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granite1 granite1 is offline
running with scissors
 
Member Since: Aug 2009
Location: in my head
Posts: 15,961
morning lolajust stopping bye to see how you are doing and give hugsi wish i knew what i could do to just make this all go away for you
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BEHAVIORS ARE EASY WORDS ARE NOT

Dx, HUMAN
Rx, no medication for that
  #36  
Old May 06, 2012, 06:25 AM
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SpiritRunner SpiritRunner is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2010
Location: in my skin and soul
Posts: 2,984
thinking of you this morning......
  #37  
Old May 06, 2012, 07:02 AM
anonymous112713
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Quote:
Originally Posted by granite1 View Post
morning lolajust stopping bye to see how you are doing and give hugsi wish i knew what i could do to just make this all go away for you
Quote:
Originally Posted by SpiritRunner View Post
thinking of you this morning......
Still haven't slept a wink.. Too many choices and vices I can't stop projecting paths... Thinking about possible outcomes. Sleeping pill at 7 am. I have told none of my family hoping she will change her mind, she has told all of hers. too much info....

Trigger for sex with therapist thoughts...







I've been up for 22 hrs and using for 16 of those. I am tired, yet I want to ask my T via email to come to my house today for a session. When he agrees fingers crossed I am going to ask him upon arrival about sex, pornography , me being a , why an 18 year active lesbian wants to have sex with a man . Can be help me. Can we masturbate together , etc. I want him to **** me but thinking he won't. I'll flirt anyway...

Trigger for sexual abuse , kinda incest


My step brother who was a few weeks of a year older has been what I'm not sure but think was incest but probably mural.. I never told or fought it kind fly good and we never talked about it. He never fully penetrated me. I knew from a young age what a woman needed to do to please a man and be loved. I also saw same sex couples had to do the same only more even. When I was 17 after after 2 neighborhood teenage boys independently coheres me into sexual relations without penetration as I remember it. I hit puberty at 16 3/4. At 17 I took 2 of my sisters to a Dulles to meet some boys. We showed up eat girl found her man , I drank a beer or 3 and took the 1/2 black guy upstairs my duty. I'm thinking bj maybe handjob, rub his **** on my clit... Well I. The middle he slips its in... I make a noise, it hurt... He keeps pumping, I'm like ouch, keep pumping and ugh he's cumming no condom. I jump up got to. At room, I'm bleeding I get the girls we go home I say I started my period, took long shower. Entire family knew and talked about it as the black guy who raped me behind my back.
  #38  
Old May 06, 2012, 12:56 PM
healed84's Avatar
healed84 healed84 is offline
Young Butterfly
 
Member Since: Jan 2012
Posts: 7,574
Quote:
Originally Posted by LolaCabanna View Post
Still haven't slept a wink.. Too many choices and vices I can't stop projecting paths... Thinking about possible outcomes. Sleeping pill at 7 am. I have told none of my family hoping she will change her mind, she has told all of hers. too much info....

Trigger for sex with therapist thoughts...







I've been up for 22 hrs and using for 16 of those. I am tired, yet I want to ask my T via email to come to my house today for a session. When he agrees fingers crossed I am going to ask him upon arrival about sex, pornography , me being a , why an 18 year active lesbian wants to have sex with a man . Can be help me. Can we masturbate together , etc. I want him to **** me but thinking he won't. I'll flirt anyway...

Trigger for sexual abuse , kinda incest


My step brother who was a few weeks of a year older has been what I'm not sure but think was incest but probably mural.. I never told or fought it kind fly good and we never talked about it. He never fully penetrated me. I knew from a young age what a woman needed to do to please a man and be loved. I also saw same sex couples had to do the same only more even. When I was 17 after after 2 neighborhood teenage boys independently coheres me into sexual relations without penetration as I remember it. I hit puberty at 16 3/4. At 17 I took 2 of my sisters to a Dulles to meet some boys. We showed up eat girl found her man , I drank a beer or 3 and took the 1/2 black guy upstairs my duty. I'm thinking bj maybe handjob, rub his **** on my clit... Well I. The middle he slips its in... I make a noise, it hurt... He keeps pumping, I'm like ouch, keep pumping and ugh he's cumming no condom. I jump up got to. At room, I'm bleeding I get the girls we go home I say I started my period, took long shower. Entire family knew and talked about it as the black guy who raped me behind my back.


I am truly sorry for what happened to you Lola.. Right now, you are hurting it seems like things won't get better. However, your plans with your T aren't going to help you feel any better. You do need your T, but not in that sense. I really hope things get better for you. (((hugs))
__________________
"You decide every moment of every day who you are and what you believe in. You get a second chance, every second."

"You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be!" - J.K. Rowling. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
  #39  
Old May 06, 2012, 12:57 PM
anonymous112713
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
All will be fine T is ok and I'm going to a meeting, wish me luck
  #40  
Old May 06, 2012, 01:13 PM
WikidPissah's Avatar
WikidPissah WikidPissah is offline
Euphie Queen
 
Member Since: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 10,718
LUCK. and hugs, tons of hugs.
__________________
never mind...
  #41  
Old May 06, 2012, 06:47 PM
Screenager's Avatar
Screenager Screenager is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2011
Posts: 262
I don't think it's good that you keep using the drugs if that's what she left you over. (If I got that right. Okay, it'd be bad even if she hadn't.) Then again I can't really put myself in addict's position. Not knowing much about your situation, you probably need to really sort the drug problem out before she can trust you again. Best of luck though.
  #42  
Old May 07, 2012, 12:33 AM
CantExplain's Avatar
CantExplain CantExplain is offline
Big Poppa
 
Member Since: Oct 2011
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 19,616
Quote:
Originally Posted by LolaCabanna View Post
Still cant sleepmthe darkness and the aroma cause me to just sit.
What's the aroma?
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Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc.

Add that to your tattoo, Baby!
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